A Second Chance
by The Muse of Apollo
Summary: After 6x23, Beckett goes to sleep regretting all the time she lost with Castle. The next day Beckett wakes up and she's in the body of her 1x01 self. Not a Death!Fic. Rated T for Language and Violence. Prompt from CastleFanFicPrompts on Tumblr. Now Complete!
1. Chapter 1

**Prompt (via Castlefanficpromts on Tumblr and Anonymous): **_**After 6x23, Beckett goes to sleep regretting all the time she lost with Castle. The next day Beckett wakes up and she's in the body of her 1x01 self.**_

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**A/N – I've had this prompt for a while, but it's taken me a while to get to it given my other stories. A few things you should know about this: First we'll mark this as AU completely, and say Castle dies in 6x23. This, however, is not a death!fic, but instead is about a little bit of time travel. This first chapter picks up right after Lanie confirms Castle's death to Kate. I love happy endings and despise death fics, so I promise that in the end Castle won't really be dead. **

**Second, I'm not going to get into the whys and hows of how she ended up back in her 1x01 body. I'm a SciFi nerd, and love time travel stuff, but I'm neither clever nor intelligent enough to come up with a way that this might have happened. So we'll just say it happens. You'll see what happens in chapter two.**

**Third, this first chapter is very much angsty, so be prepared. The fic itself will have lots of fluff, as the whole point is Caskett. **

**Fourth, I've changed some details of each case that I'll cover in this fic, mainly because I don't want it to be the same as it was in canon. Call it the butterfly effect, she's there from the future in a way, so some things are going to be different. If she knew the outcome of every case it wouldn't be fun.**

**Finally, I have not one clue how long this fic will be. It could be very long or it could be relatively short. I'm going to let the characters decide, that usually works out the best. As always, leave reviews to let me know how I did and tell me where you'd like the story to go! I love reviews!**

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**Chapter One**

He couldn't be dead. They were supposed to be getting married _right now_. This couldn't be happening given all they had been through to get here. They had survived serial killers, bombs and dirty bombs, freezers, and they had survived her stubbornness and issues. They were getting married. He couldn't be dead.

"I'm so sorry, Kate," Lanie said, moving to hold her best friend in a tight hug. They were both in the morgue. Lanie had just given her friend the worst news someone could ever receive. Both women had tears running down their cheeks. Beckett stood their completely lost, he hands shaking, looking at the body that was covered by a sheet nearby. Her fiancée. Her lover. Her best friend. Her _Castle_. God.

"How could this have happened, Lanie," Kate sobbed, her knees almost giving out.

"I don't know, Kate. We'll find out. I promise. I'm so, so sorry," Lanie said, her voice unsteady. She knew her apologies meant nothing; that they could change nothing, but she didn't know what else to say. There was nothing _to_ say. Castle was dead. And she knew that her best friend wouldn't be the same ever again. This would break the detective, and this time there would be no ruggedly handsome author there to help put her back together again.

Kate couldn't hold back her sobs anymore. She sank to her knees and pulled her hands up to her face. Lanie sank down with her, and kept her arms around her friend. They stayed like that for what seemed like hours.

For Kate, the tears never stopped. She didn't think that she would ever be able to stop crying again. Her partner lay nearby on a cold slab, burnt beyond recognition, dead. He had left her. He had promised her _always_.

The anger that reared up in her was gone as quickly as it had come. But the guilt and regret that followed it couldn't be shoved aside so quickly. She pulled back from Lanie and said, "I wasted so much time, Lanes. We should have been married for years. _Years._ We should have had children. But I kept pushing him away. He waited for me for years. Waited for me to get my issues in order, for me to finally see that he was the one. I…I…" she trailed off, wiping the tears from her eyes. "I have so many regrets. We should have had all the time in the world, and now he's…gone."

"You listen to me, Kate Beckett, and you listen good. You may have not gotten together when you should have, but that takes nothing, _NOTHING_, away from the time you did have together. This is not your fault. You hear me?"

"I wish…I wish I could go back and do it all over again, from the moment I met him. I'd do so many things differently. God, Lanie, I treated him so badly for those first four years. At first I hated him. How could I have hated him?"

"You didn't know the real him then, honey. He didn't show you at first. You couldn't have known."

Tears still flowing down her cheeks, Kate nodded, knowing it was the truth. Then something hit her, "God, Lanie, I have to tell Alexis and Martha. How…How am I going to do that? How will I ever look them in the eye?"

Lanie helped her up and said, "You will need each other Kate. Lean on them and let them lean on you. This will be so much easier if you do it together. They'll need you, alright? So don't run away, okay?" She knew her friend had a habit of shutting people out when things got rough. Now was not the time for her to build new walls, not when there were people out there that counted on her.

Again, Kate nodded. She stood on shaky legs and looked again towards the sheet covered body lying on the table across the morgue. "I need to say goodbye." She walked over to it, to _him_, her legs still weak, tears still flowing down her cheeks, and rested her hands on the cold metal surface. Lanie stood back and let her have some privacy.

"God, Castle, I'm so sorry. I'm going to miss you so much. I don't know how I'll live without you, to tell you the truth. I know you'd be give me a look right now, telling me how strong I am, how extraordinary I am, but I'm not. When I lost my mom, it wasn't strength that kept me going, it was cowardice. I shut myself off from the world, made it so I wouldn't feel anything. That isn't strength. You were the strong one. You made me a better person; brought me out from that place I had had been living in for so long and made me live my life. I'm so sorry I didn't let you in sooner. We could have had so much time together, and I'll always regret that we didn't have the time. That will be my cross to bear.

"I love you. I didn't tell you that often enough. Hell, it took me months to say it back to you after we finally got together. I should have said it sooner. I loved you years ago, Castle, and I will always love you," she sobbed, "please believe that." She took a deep breath and stepped away from the table. "I'm going to be strong for you. I made you a promise that I'd take care of Alexis, and I will do that. I will be strong, and I'll make sure she is as happy as she can be. God knows, I'll never be happy again. I love you, Rick."

She turned from the table, knowing that if she didn't leave soon, she wouldn't be able to force herself away. She turned towards Lanie and said, "Thank you, Lanie. I'm…I'm going to go tell Martha and Alexis. You're right, we should be there together for this."

She gave her friend a hug and walked out of the morgue, not looking back to where her fiancée was lying dead on a slab.

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Telling Alexis and Martha that Rick was dead was the hardest thing she had ever done in her life. She didn't know what to say, or what to do, and when she did finally tell them, it was done through uncontrollable tears and sobs. They hugged one another and cried on the couch in the loft, which felt so empty now that _he_ wasn't there anymore. He'd never be there again. No more sounds of keyboard sounds emanating from the office, no morning coffee and pancakes, no more laser tag battles. He was simply gone, and he was never coming back.

The comforted each other for hours, none of them saying much besides how much they already missed the most important man in their lives. Eventually they decided it was time to at least attempt to get some sleep, knowing that the next day would bring more pain, more heartbreak.

Kate lay in his bed, his pillow pulled to her chest, sobbing uncontrollably. She knew that sleep might never come for her. She knew the minute that her eyes closed she would see that car burning again, would see his burnt corpse slumped against the steering wheel, would see his body lying on the morgue table with a sheet draped over it. The images were already haunting her. She knew in sleep that they would only get worse.

She cried constantly for the next few hours, but eventually exhaustion caused her eye lids to droop. She fought it as much as she could, but eventually sleep took her. Her last thought before unconsciousness claimed her was that she wished she was falling asleep in his arms one more time.

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**a/n2- Wow, that was hard to write. Remember that though this starts off with a death, it isn't a death fic in the end. Please review and let me know what you think. The next chapter will be up as soon as I can.**


	2. Chapter 2

**a/n- Thanks everyone for the reviews and follows, you have no idea how much they mean to me. This chapter was harder to write than I thought it would be, hence it took longer to go up than planned. I'm happier with it now than I was the first time, but still not sure of it. Let me know what you think.**

**This story is going to be very difficult to write, as many of you have pointed out. We'll see if I can do it justice. I'll apologize now just in case I can't. Just a note: Text in italics here are Beckett's thoughts. There is going to be a lot of her thinking about her situation, and this is the best way I can express it without making her talk to herself all the time.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle nor will I ever. Unfortunately.**

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Chapter Two

Even before she even opened her eyes the next morning, Kate felt miserable. He was dead. He wasn't lying next to her. He wouldn't bring her a cup of coffee this morning. They weren't married, enjoying the morning after a wonderful night of celebrating their newly formed union. He's dead and that will never happen. Tears spring up underneath her eye lids, and she hurriedly wipes them away. She knows that she needs to get up; that today will consist of painful plans for the immediate future, and a lot of painful conversations. But she can't bring herself to greet this new, terrible day. Not yet.

She lay there, trying to steady her breathing, trying to gather her courage to face this day, to face a future without Castle. She doesn't want to. She wants to keep her eyes closed forever, not wanting to live one more moment without the man she loves. But she knows that it's time, so she opens her eyes.

The moment her eyes open, she knows something is wrong. She's not in his room at the loft. She's…she's somewhere else. The bed is different – less comfortable somehow. The sheets aren't as soft, and the comforter feels all wrong. The light in the room is different too, darker than it normally is in his room at the loft. _Where the hell am I,_ she thinks, trying to make out features of the room that is beginning to look familiar.

_It's my old apartment._ And it's not the apartment she still rents. It's the place she used to live in before it was blown up by a crazed serial killer. _What the hell?_

While it feels like a dream, she can sense that she's awake. It's just too real. But even though she knows she's awake, and that this isn't some weird dream, the whole thing feels surreal. She throws the covers off of her, and swings her long legs off the bed and places her feet on the floor. She's wearing a pair of black yoga pants, and a light gray t-shirt. _Okay, so that's not what I was wearing last night,_ she thinks, running her hands over her thighs.

She looks around, trying to gain her bearings, trying to understand what the hell is going on. Her first thought is that she's hallucinating. She quickly discards that idea because she's had hallucinations before and this is just too real, the details of the bedroom she's in too solid for this to _not_ be real. She can feel the panic rising in her chest, and this time it has nothing to do with the loss of her fiancée.

She stands up and walks towards her old living room. Once there she looks around, noticing that it looks lived in, and it has all of her things exactly where they were when she last saw the place before the explosion. She's just about to go back to the bedroom when she hears a knock on the door. She looks at the clock over the fridge and sees that it's just after eight o'clock in the morning. She still can't figure out what the hell is going on, and her nerves are on high alert. Yesterday she was supposed to be getting married to the love of her life, then he died in a fiery car crash, now she's somehow been teleported back to an apartment she hasn't lived in in over four years. _What the hell? How can this be real?_ She walks to the door and looks through the peephole. She doesn't recognize the woman who stands there, but she opens the door anyways, wondering what this could possibly be about.

"Can I help you?" she asks with a scowl on her face and steel in her voice. The woman is blonde, in her mid-30s probably, and strikingly beautiful.

"Actually, Katherine, I'm here to help you."

"Who are you?"

"You can call me Jessica. You are no doubt freaking out a little right now, right?"

"Wait, you know what's going on?"

"I do, and I can answer at least some of your questions. Can I come in?" She asked.

Beckett steps aside and lets the stranger into her apartment, desperate to understand what's happening to her. She guides the woman to the couch where they both sit down facing one another.

"Please, what's going on? How…how is this possible? Is this real?"

"First, take a deep breath Kate, it'll help. I have a lot to discuss with you this morning before you can set about your day, and I need you as calm as possible. It is essential that you listen to me and understand everything that I have to say."

Kate breathes in and out a few times, trying to calm her nerves. "Okay," she says, hoping for some real answers.

"Well first thing I guess I should answer is, yes, this is real. You've not really gone back in time so much as you've just come back. It's hard to explain, so I won't even try. The point is you're here because you need a second chance."

"So what, I just get to relive this part of my life over again?"

Jessica nods, "You in essence get to start over from this point on. You wished yesterday that you could have fewer regrets when it comes to Rick Castle, this is your chance."

"So, what's today?"

"This is the day where you first met Rick Castle; the day you brought him in for questioning."

_Oh my God, _Kate thinks, completely overwhelmed. _This can't be real, right?_

"But it is real, Kate," Jessica smirks.

"Wait, you can hear my thoughts, or did I say that out loud?"

"Perks of the job."

"What exactly is your job?"

"I've been sent to help you through this, to answer your questions."

Kate rubs her eyes hard with the palms of her hands and mutters, "I'm so confused."

"I know. I know. But this is a good thing, Kate. There is so much you can change by being here now, knowing what you know. I can't influence what you change, but you can fix so many things if you do it right."

"So how does this work? I've read some science fiction, if I change things aren't other things affected?"

"Think of it like throwing a pebble in a pond. You make a decision that's different this time, and yes other things are going to be affected. But it's more than that. By simply being back in this time stream, there are already things that are different. For example, the case that you'll work today will be slightly different than how it was before. Many of the cases you'll work from here on out will be similar to what you did before, but will have small differences that will affect the outcome. You being brought back here was the first ripple, if you will. That has an effect on everything from here on out, and the more you change things via your decisions, the more other things will change. It's complicated, so just remember this: your decisions and actions have consequences on your future, so make sure you take that into account before you make each decision. Make sense?"

"I think so."

"Okay, good. Another thing. You have all of your memories, which is going to make this first day really hard. You're going to want to jump right into things like you could have back in your previous time. It's going to take some time to realize that things are different here. You have to remember, for example, that Richard Castle doesn't know you, nor does he love you right now. You should take that into account before you make any decision about how to react to him. You have to think about what you did last time and how those decisions affected him and you."

Tears were flowing down Kate's cheeks now, thinking about how she had to start all over again. The thought that Castle wouldn't know her, that he wouldn't _love_ her was breaking her heart.

"Listen Kate," Jessica continued, "I know this sounds daunting, and it is, but it's a good thing. If you do things right, you have the opportunity to live from this point forward without the regrets you had last time. It doesn't mean you won't have new regrets or that your life will be perfect, but you have an opportunity now to live in a world where Richard Castle isn't dead, a world where he and you can be together much soon if you do it right. This is an opportunity that a lot of people would kill for."

Kate nods her head, still overwhelmed with all of this new information. "Who sent you? Why me? How did this happen?" she asks, trying to control her breathing.

"I can't answer those questions. It's not how it works. I'm sorry. My best advice to you is to just go with it, and make the most of this opportunity." Jessica stands up and looks down at the crying detective. "I'm going to go now. My number is in your phone, and you can call and talk about things anytime. Good luck, Kate. Don't screw this up."

Kate watches as Jessica strides towards the door, too overwhelmed to think about stopping her or asking more questions. After the woman leaves, Kate sits there for what must be hours, just thinking about her current situation. She's still not one hundred percent sure that this is real. _It seems real, but how can I be sure?_

She's on the edge of a full-fledged panic attack, when she hears her phone ringing from inside the bedroom. As she tries to calm her rapid breathing, walks back into the bedroom and then picks up the phone. It's a much older model than what she has (had?) been using. It is yet another sign that she's somewhere else. _I still don't understand this,_ she thinks as she figures out how to answer the phone.

"Beckett," she says with an unsteady voice.

"Detective, there's a body awaiting you," Roy Montgomery says on the other end. Beckett's blood turns to ice. This can't be happening. Roy Montgomery is dead. She knelt beside his dead body. She took a bullet, for Christ's sake, at his funeral. _How?_

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a/n2 – Reviews are awesome, so leave on and be awesome. Next chapter will be out later this week hopefully.


	3. Chapter 3

**a/n – First off, thank you for the reviews and follows. The response to this story has been phenomenal. I try to respond to your reviews, but I'm really bad at it, so a group thank you is what you get for now. **

**Second, this one is a little shorter due to where it ends, but the next one will be much longer, so don't fret. Third, remember that text in italics are Beckett's thoughts. Fourth, please make sure you read the author's note at the end.**

**Finally, the standard disclaimer about me not owning Castle or its characters applies. It'd be silly of you to think otherwise.**

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Chapter Three

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_**Previously…**_

"**Beckett," she says with an unsteady voice.**

"**Detective, there's a body awaiting you," Roy Montgomery says on the other end. Beckett's blood turns to ice. This can't be happening. Roy Montgomery is dead. She knelt beside his dead body. She took a bullet, for Christ's sake, at his funeral. **_**How?**_

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"Sir?" she said with a sob.

"What's the matter Beckett? Is something wrong?"

"You…you're dead. I…I…saw you die," she can't breathe. The tears in her eyes blurring her vision, making the room around her go blurry.

"Beckett, are you okay? I can assure you that I'm not dead. Very much alive. Did you have a bad dream?"

She doesn't know what's going on. This feels so _real._ Yet it can't be right? She lifts her other arm, the one not holding the phone, and pinches herself hard. Nothing happens except a brief moment of intense pain. She doesn't wake up.

"Kate, you there?"

"Yes, sir," she says eventually, trying to calm her frayed nerves. "It must have been a dream. You said we have a body?"

He rattles off an address, which she memorizes automatically even with the panic surging through her. "Ryan and Esposito are on route and will meet you there, if you're sure you're okay."

"I'm fine, just a little out of it, sorry, sir. I'll be there in an hour."

"Okay," he said, and then ended the call. She let her hand fall to her lap, simply staring at the floor. She tries to get her breathing under control and her thoughts in order, but she's finding it very difficult. She can't understand how this is possible. She had been confused all throughout the conversation with Jessica, and that confusion wasn't going away. She didn't believe that something like this could happen. _Castle would believe,_ she thinks sadly.

She sat there on her bed wondering what she should do next. _If this is real, then I need to get ready and go to work. I'll meet Castle again tonight._ That thought sends shivers down her spine. How would that meeting go? He wouldn't know her; he wouldn't _love _her, and that left her feeling completely lost and alone.

_I wished for this. Castle isn't dead. I can fix everything._ Looking around the room, she steeled herself for her task. She was completely overwhelmed and she still didn't believe that this was real, but she wasn't going to look a gift horse in the face. _I can save him._

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After a quick shower, which was uncomfortable given the last time she had taken a shower in that apartment, she made her way to the crime scene. During the trip there she had thought more about her situation, and the opportunity laid before her. She decided that for this first case she needed to keep as much the same as possible. Castle had once told her that the reason he had stuck around was because she was extraordinary. He had also said that her disinterest in him on that first case was what brought him back for more.

So that's what she would do. At least at first. _I have to make him fall in love with me again. _She knew that it would take all of her will power not to do something stupid and mess this up. She remembers him asking her to dinner after that first case. _If he does that again, how will I say no?_

She met Ryan and Esposito in front of the building. It was the same location as the Tisdale murder, so she assumed that the victim was the same. She greeted her boys, hoping they didn't notice anything different about her.

_They would have seen me yesterday. Yesterday I was a closed off person with no love in my life. What am I today?_

"Hey guys, what do we have?" She remembers Jessica's words that things wouldn't necessarily be the same this time around, so she figures that she should keep from making assumptions. _I need to remember that even though I've done this before, it might be different this time. So I need to play along, and make decisions based on how I want the future to unfold. _

"Hey Beckett," Ryan said, "body is upstairs. Allyson Tisdale, age 24, therapist. Perlmutter is waiting upstairs."

_Well that's different,_ she thinks. _Last time it was Lanie at this crime scene. _

She nods that she heard, and then leads the way into the building, just like she did last time. The crime scene looks nearly identical to how it looked the first time she saw it. She remembers vividly how interested she was in this murder because of its connection to Richard Castle's book. At that point in her life, his books were one of her biggest comforts.

"What do we have, Perlmutter?" she asks, walking up to where the body sits.

"Two gunshot wounds to the chest appears to be the cause of death," he replies in his usual disinterested tone.

"TOD?"

"Between 3 and 4 this morning."

She turns to Esposito and Ryan who had followed her into the room. She needed to bring up the similarities to the book _Flowers for your Grave_, so that she has a reason to go get Castle. But she can't do it directly, so she does exactly what she did the first time around. "Does this look familiar to either of you?"

"No," Espo replies with a smirk, "but then I don't like the freaky ones. Just give me a regular old pop and drop any day."

Ryan just shakes his head.

"Oh, come on, don't you two read? Rose petals spread over the body? Sunflowers on the eyes? It's right out of a novel."

"I get enough murder mystery at work, thank you very much," Espo says.

She sighs, remembering that this is how it went the first time too. Over the next fifteen minutes the boys talk her through everything the know so far, and she gives out her orders for them to canvas the neighborhood and local businesses, as well as to get any security cam footage for the times surrounding the TOD. The conversation is very similar to the one they had the first time, but she notices details that are different. The way the body was discovered was different this time, and when she had asked about the victim's next of kin she learned that Tisdale's father had already died, and that she didn't have a brother.

That last bit stumps her, as in her original timeline, the brother had ended up being the killer. _Well Jessica did tell me that things would be different._ For that reason, she doesn't immediately bring up her wish that Richard Castle be brought in for questioning, no matter how much she wants to get to the point where they meet again.

And she really wants to get there.

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Six hours later Kate has found that she's even more confused by her situation than she was before. Things are the same, yes, but they are also different. After searching like she did the last time for previous murders that were patterned after Richard Castle's books, she discovered that, like before, there was a previous murder that fit that description. But this time it wasn't a man, it was a woman.

Over the course of the day she discovered little differences like that that made her believe even more that she was really here, doing this all again, but that it wouldn't all necessarily end up the same way. At 3PM she finally brought up the possibility of bringing in Richard Castle for questioning. Like the last time, she had to get Montgomery's permission to bring in such a high profile figure for questioning.

Walking towards his office she became apprehensive. _How can I do this knowing what he has done? He knows who killed my mother. He was involved. _Then her thoughts turned to that night in the hanger. _Maybe I can save him._

She takes a deep breath and knocks on the door frame, "Sir, do you have a minute?"

"Sure, Beckett, come in. Do you have an update for me?"

"We're sure now that the two murders are connected in some way as they both are patterned after scenes from two different Richard Castle books."

"I know Castle, we've played some poker together."

_Well at least that stayed the same. _"Yes, sir. I think we should bring him in for questioning, to see if he knows anything that could help us. We also need to ask his permission to go over his fan mail."

He nods at her and says "Okay, do what you need to do. Just do me a favor and don't make a scene. He's been through some hard times and I don't want to put anything else on him unless we have to."

"Hard times, sir?" _What happened?_

"He just hasn't been the same since his daughter died six years ago. It's understandable, of course, and he puts on a good front, but he's just not the same. I'm sure you understand, Beckett."

_Oh. God. Alexis._

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a/n2 – Okay, so first, don't kill me for the cliffy. Her response to this shocking news deserves its own chapter.

Second, I am aware that if we're talking scientifically, this doesn't make a lot of sense. Technically, I suppose, only things _after_ Beckett came back to this world would be changed. I struggled over this for several days and decided to take this route instead. I'll let Jessica (Kate's helper, if you remember) explain more in chapter four as to the _whys_ of it all. I think this way gives the story more depth, and will allow for more changes that couldn't have happened 'the first time around'.

Third, just so you know, by going this route, this story just became a little bigger. I had hoped to wrap it up with 20 or so chapters, but with this it might be longer.

Please leave your reviews! I live on them, and I want to know what you think about the way the story is unfolding so far.


	4. Chapter 4

**a/n – Thanks to everyone how has review, faved, or followed this fic. The response continues to shock me. So keep em coming.**

**A couple things. First, I know I said this wasn't a death fic, and then I went and killed off Alexis. I guess what I meant by that is that by the end Rick and Kate will both still be alive. For those of you who don't like it, please don't give up on the story. I think you will all like where I end up, even those of you who love Alexis.**

**Second, I wanted to explain a little more about why I killed her off. I know that Alexis and Rick's relationship is what drew Kate in at first, allowing her to see past his playboy antics, but she's already there so she won't need that encouragement. I also think that this gives the story a little more flare, and allows for the relationship of C/B to develop differently than before, throwing different hurdles in the way that Kate will have to navigate in order to get her happy ending. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Castle. **

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Chapter Four

_Previously…_

**He nods at her and says "Okay, do what you need to do. Just do me a favor and don't make a scene. He's been through some hard times and I don't want to put anything else on him unless we have to."**

"**Hard times, sir?" **_**What happened?**_

"**He just hasn't been the same since his daughter died six years ago. It's understandable, of course, and he puts on a good front, but he's just not the same. I'm sure you understand, Beckett."**

_**Oh. God. Alexis.**_

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She couldn't breathe. She couldn't have come back for this? His world _revolved_ around Alexis. It is the father side of him that had first made an impression on her. How could she be dead? _This is all my fault,_ she realizes.

"Sir? How…how did she die?"

"Murdered. Rick was walking her back from school one day when a masked man assaulted them in an alley near their loft. The guys stabbed them both, Rick survived, but Alexis didn't. The guy was never caught. Rick, for obvious reasons, took it really hard. He buried himself in his writing."

_Oh. God._ She had to get away. She couldn't do this right now. She mumbled something to Montgomery and nearly ran out of the office, her stomach turning over violently. She rushed into the ladies room and just managed to get herself over a toilet before she expelled the contents of her stomach. Breathing hard, she vomited again and again until there was nothing left in her stomach.

Pulling fingers through her hair, she stood up and made her way to the sinks on shaky legs. Her mind raced as she considered how this could have happened.

_Alexis is dead because I came back._ That thought ran through her mind over and over again. The guilt she felt rushed over her in waves. _How can I ever face him knowing that it's my fault that he doesn't have his daughter anymore?_

Trying to calm herself, she threw some water on her face, and rinsed out her mouth. Taking several deep breaths, she looked at herself in the mirror. Her short reddish hair, her gold flecked green eyes, and bags under her eyes made her look wild and extremely tired. Her face was ghost white, and her hands and legs were still trembling.

After several minutes, more questions began to filter through her mind. _Will he even be the same Rick that fell in love with me? Will he even decide to follow me around this time? Will he be able to fall in love with me? Will I still be in love with him?_

She had many questions, but no answers. The one she wanted answered most was _How could this have happened?_ Like she always did, she wanted to know why and how. And she knew of only one place she could get those answers. She walked out of the bathroom and strode briskly into the observation room, closing and locking the door behind her. She pulled out her phone and looked up Jessica's number. Pressing the call button, she put the phone to her ear, and waited for the woman to answer.

"Hello, Kate. You have questions?" the woman said in greeting.

"Yes. Why didn't you tell me that thing from before my arrival here were changed as well?"

"I'm sorry, Kate, I should have warned you that that could be a possibility."

"What else has changed?" Kate asked angrily.

"I can't tell you that, Detective, because I don't know. Can I ask what has changed that has you calling me now?"

"His daughter is dead. She died. She died for me to have a second chance. How can I live with that?"

It took a minute for Jessica to respond. Kate could hear the other woman breathing on the other end of the line. When she finally started talking, her voice was quiet. "I'm sorry, Kate. That sometimes happens. My advice is to take it slow. The man you meet will be a little different than the one you met years ago. You'll have to learn about him, the new him, before you make your move. Remember that the true him, the one that you fell in love with, is still there."

"Why did this happen? What if I don't _want_ this second chance? His daughter was his life. His whole world revolved around her, and now she's just…gone."

"I'm sorry. I know you didn't ask for it, but now you have it. All you can do is make the most of the time you've been given…_again,"_ she took a deep breath before continuing, "I recommend thinking about it differently. You now have a chance to make this Richard Castle whole again, with love and joy."

"What if I can't do it," she whispered.

"You don't have to if you don't want to, it's your choice. You could just question him, and send him on his way so you never have to see him again." _Wow, I really don't like her all that much, _Kate thought.

"That's not a choice," she growled. "That's not a fucking choice. How am I supposed to choose, huh? Either way his daughter is dead, don't you understand that?"

"I know this is painful, Katherine, but you have to either do it or not. It is a choice, that is what I'm trying to tell you. Everything you do from now on will rely on the choices you make. **Your choices will affect your future,**__that's what I've been trying to tell you."

Kate felt the tears running down her cheeks as the enormity of what she faced finally struck her. _How am I going to get through this? What if he's so broken that he __**can't**__love me?_

With that last thought her legs gave out and she sank to the floor, sobbing. Still holding the phone to her ear, she heard Jessica say "I am sorry that it turned out this way, Kate, but not all is lost. If it's done right, you can have the love of your life by your side again, without all the regrets of last time hanging over your head."

Kate said nothing, the sobs still racking her body. She let the phone slide shut and fall to the ground while she attempted to find her center again.

_How am I going to do this? _That question floated around her head, but no answer followed. She was startled then by a knock on the door. "Beckett? You in there?" It was Montgomery.

She wiped at her cheeks, trying to remove the evidence of her breakdown, and tried to take some deep breaths in order to calm herself. She had no choice but to face this new reality, to try and do her best to fix the man she loves. She couldn't let his sacrifice, his daughter's sacrifice mean nothing. She had to fix this.

Feeling more determined, she unlocked the observation room door and came face to face with her captain, the man who had once died for her after admitting to his own betrayal. "I'm sorry, sir. I didn't get much sleep, and I guess I'm a little out of sync with everything."

"Did you know Alexis Castle? You seemed to take that news pretty hard."

"No, I didn't," she lied. "But he's my favorite author and I guess I'm just a little more attached to him than I thought." She had to admit that she was pretty proud with herself about coming up with such a convincing lie on the spot.

She went to move past the captain when he caught her arm and said, "If you need to take the day, Beckett, no one will think less of you."

She shook her head, giving him a small smile, "I'm fine, sir."

He nodded and made his way back to his office. Beckett walked through the bullpen and over to where the boys were standing in front of the murder board.

"Anything?" She asked.

"No. No apparent connection between the vics yet, and we haven't heard anything from Perlmutter yet," Esposito said.

"Okay. Ryan check financials for Tisdale, Espo look into her recent activity and check her social circle. I'll contact the next of kin, and then I'm going to go and bring Richard Castle in for questioning. We'll need to get access to his fan mail too."

They nodded and went back to their desks to start the tasks she had set them. She picked up Allyson Tisdale's file, got the contact info for her nearest next of kin, and made the call. Tisdale didn't have a brother and her father had died six months previously from cancer. She did, however, have a sister.

After arranging for the sister to come down to the precinct to answer questions, Beckett made a call to Black Pawn to look up the number for Castle's agent. She remembered making this call her first time around to find out where Castle would be. It's how she found out about his book signing party.

Once she was directed to the proper office, she was given Paula Haas' number. Dialing, Kate took a deep breath. She had never gotten along well with Paula, but she had to do this.

"Hello," Paula's voice came from the other end.

"Yes, Paula Haas?"

"Yes?"

"This is Detective Kate Beckett of the 12th precinct. I need to find out if Richard Castle has any events planned for this evening or if I'll be able to find him at his home."

"He should be home this evening, Detective, though I'm not sure of his plans. His next book signing isn't for another couple months once _Storm Falls _comes out." _Well, that's different. _

"Alright, thank you. Can you give me his number so I can let him know I'm coming?"

Haas gave her the number, which Beckett already knew, and said her goodbyes. Kate took a deep breath, thinking about how she wanted to go about this. She could call and let him know she was going to stop by, or she could just show up. _I want to see him. I need to see him._

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A couple hours later, after a thoroughly disappointing interview with Tisdale's sister, Kate made her way to Castle's SoHo loft. _At least he lives in the same place._

Her nerves were all over the place. Unlike the first time she met him, she had no idea what she was about to walk into. Before she knew about his playboy persona. While she had learned over time that it was mostly a mask for the real him, she had known at least a little about what to expect. This time she had no idea. Would he be broken? Would he even decide to follow her around again? She hated not knowing what would happen. _I love him, that is enough to get me through anything,_ she thought.

Parking her cruiser out in front of his building, she took a deep breath and made her way inside. Nodding to the doorman, who she didn't recognize, she walked briskly to the elevator. Nervously biting her lip, she thought about everything that could go wrong. _What if I mess this up? How will I live without him knowing that I'm the one that couldn't fix this? What if I ruin our second chance?_

The ding of the elevator brought her out of her thoughts. She made her way to his door and thought about the last time she had been to the loft. She remembered how utterly alone she felt without him in their home, knowing that he was dead, and that he would never be there again. That thought gave her the courage to knock on the door.

It wasn't long before the door opened to reveal the haggard face of Richard Castle. He looked the same as she remembered; slightly unshaven, crisply dressed, neat hair, but he was also different. The light in his eyes wasn't there. He looked more serious, more grown up than he had ever been in their previous life together. Her heart broke a little more for him at that moment, knowing that the loss of his daughter had made him look so broken, so utterly defeated.

Even with that look, she couldn't help the joy that flowed within her, seeing him there, alive, no longer burnt to a crisp lying on an autopsy table. _God I missed him,_ she thought. _I wish I could just crawl into his arms and never leave._

Pushing her thoughts aside before the tears started flowing, she flashed her badge and nervously said, "Richard Castle? I'm Detective Kate Beckett, and I need to talk to you about a couple homicides."

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**a/n2 – Reviews are great, so leave one. It takes like five seconds, and it'll make you feel awesome. **


	5. Chapter 5

**a.n. Thanks to everyone who has left a review or faved this story. I suck at replying to you individually, so a group thank will have to do. Thanks!**

**Here's the next chapter. Let me know what you think!**

**Disclaimer: Just borrowing them for my own amusement.**

Chapter Five

_Previously…_

_It wasn't long before the door opened to reveal the haggard face of Richard Castle. He looked the same as she remembered; slightly unshaven, crisply dressed, neat hair, but he was also different. The light in his eyes wasn't there. He looked more serious, more grown up than he had ever been in their previous life together. Her heart broke a little more for him at that moment, knowing that the loss of his daughter had made him look so broken, so utterly defeated. _

_Even with that look, she couldn't help the joy that flowed within her, seeing him there, alive, no longer burnt to a crisp lying on an autopsy table. God I missed him, she thought. I wish I could just crawl into his arms and never leave._

_Pushing her thoughts aside before the tears started flowing, she flashed her badge and nervously said, "Richard Castle? I'm Detective Kate Beckett, and I need to talk to you about a couple homicides."_

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"A homicide? Who died?" Castle asked, a look of shock on his face. "Is this about Alexis? Oh, God, did you guys find something about her murder?"

"Oh, no, sorry, Ri-Mr. Castle, I'm afraid that this has nothing to do with your daughter's case. There are a series of murders that appear to be following scenes from your books. I was hoping you'd be able to come down to the precinct to discuss them with me, perhaps offer your assistance?"

"Uh, sure, Detective. You said, Beckett?"

"Yes." _God this feels so weird, _Kate thought. _All I want to do is crawl in his arms and never let go, but he doesn't know me. He doesn't love me._ Her thoughts were jumbled due to his proximity. To her it felt like only yesterday that they were supposed to be getting married; were supposed to start on the most incredible journey of their lives, only to be interrupted by his untimely and tragic death. The thought of him being dead brings her back to the moment, and gives her motivation to continue on.

"Uh, just let me go back and save my chapter and shut my computer down. You can come in while you wait, if you'd like," he said, stepping back so she could enter the loft. Looking around she noticed a few differences from the loft she had left behind. For one there were pictures of a much younger Alexis plastered all over the walls and on the book cases, but no pictures of the young woman she had become. She also noticed that while the décor was still undeniably Castle-esque, it was much simpler, more subdued than the apartment had been before. Fewer toys graced the shelves, fewer pieces of artwork hung on the wall, and the space just felt much emptier than it had during her previous time here. She took a seat on the couch looking around while she waited for Castle to get his business taken care of.

It saddened her that so much had changed. Not only had this man lost his daughter, but he had lost some of that childlike innocence that had drawn her to him when they had first met. She wondered what else would be different. She worried that she might not ever get the chance to find out.

Castle came back out of his office, and gave her a smile that didn't reach his eyes. "I'm ready to go."

"Okay," she replied with a smile of her own. "Let's go."

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The drive to the precinct was uncomfortable for her, but if Castle noticed, he said nothing about it. All she could think about were the hundreds of times he had ridden in that seat next to her, messing with the radio controls, or spouting some crazy theory about one of their cases. The man who sat next to her was completely still, completely silent, and completely uninterested in his surroundings.

"Captain Montgomery told me about your daughter, Mr. Castle. I know it doesn't help, but I am sorry for your loss."

He turned his blue eyed gaze on her and said, "Thank you." He frowned, looking her over, studying her, like he used to do so often; trying to figure out what was going on in her brain. "Something happened to you too, didn't it?"

"Why do you say that?" she asked, knowing the answer. She remembers how he had profiled her that day they sat going over his fan mail. She hadn't suspected, however, that he'd be able to do it so soon.

"I see the sadness in your eyes, and you said that you knew the word sorry doesn't help. Only someone who has experienced loss gets that."

She gave him a glance, but said nothing. She trusted this man, or at least she trusted the version of him that she knew from before. But she was worried that if she revealed her mother's murder too soon, he wouldn't be interested in her, and she _needed _him to stick around; to be interested in helping her solve cases. She couldn't hope to fix _them_ if he wasn't around her every day like he was before. So she kept quiet, remembering how she had revealed the news about her mom in the previous timeline. They pulled up to the precinct, and got out of the cruiser.

She led him to a vacant interview room, staying away from the interrogation room where she had talked to him before. The first time they had met she had considered him a suspect, this time she wanted him to be more comfortable around her.

"Have a seat, Mr. Castle," she said, pointing towards a chair. She took the chair opposite him, crossed her legs, and rested a notepad on her knee. "So far there are two murders, both mimicking scenes from two of your older books. The most recent murder is a scene from Flowers for Your Grave."

"Wow, the killer sure does have eclectic taste. That book is _old_," he said with a smirk.

She smiled, happy that at least part of his happy demeanor was still there. "Here are pictures from the crime scene, could you look and see if there is anything that jumps out at you as different, or important?" She passed over two high quality glossy crime scene photographs. She was going about this in a completely different fashion than she had before. _I hope that this is the right way to go about things, _she thinks.

He takes the photos and studies the Allyson Tisdale crime scene. As he studies it, she takes the opportunity to study his face. He seems older than what she remembers from their first meeting. _That's not surprising given what this Richard Castle has gone through._ His eyes are the most different, she thinks. They are no longer lit up with that child-like happiness that drew her in once upon a time. There is this deep seated sadness that now lives in the depths of his cerulean blue eyes. Again she feels the guilt of having caused such a painful loss for the man she loves. _No second chance is worth the pain he has experienced._

"The rose petals are different," he says finally. "There are some details in both of these crime scenes that are different than they were in the book. If I had to hazard a theory, I'd say you're looking for someone who wants you to _think_ that you're looking for some deranged killer. When you do catch up with the real killer, however, you'll likely find that their motive was pedestrian."

She talked with him for about 10 more minutes, getting his thoughts on the crime scenes. They had a discussion about the choice of books that were chosen. "You notice, Detective that the killer has chosen two of my older works. I wonder why that is," he said at one point. During their conversation, Kate had to admit that talking to this Richard Castle was much the same as it always was, but it was also different in some ways. He still posited a few theories, but they were more serious, more probable, and much less CIA-oriented.

As they wrapped up their conversation, Beckett asked hopefully, "I was wondering, Castle, if you'd be willing to consult on this case. I think your insights could really help." She didn't want to take the risk that he wouldn't intervene on his own, like he had the first time around. After talking with him for these few minutes, she leaned towards the theory that he wasn't going to be as outgoing as the Richard Castle she once knew. It worried her, because she needed him to **want** to follow her around once this case was over.

"I'd like that, Detective. It…I honestly haven't had much to do besides write these last few years, and it'll be good for me to do something constructive with my time now that I have no lead protagonist."

_Yes! He Killed of Derrick Storm. That means he needs a new muse!_ She had to stifle the giddiness that flowed over her with this new information and she had to pretend like it was news to her. "Oh? What happened to Storm this time?"

"Asking for spoilers, Detective?" he said, a hint of amusement in his voice.

"So what if I am?"

"I wouldn't want to spoil the ending."

"You killed him off didn't you?"

"I plead the fifth," he said, a full on smile on his face now. For the first time since she had knocked on his door, he looked like **her** Richard Castle. "But I like that you're such a fan," he continued.

She laughed good naturedly, something she for sure didn't do the first time he had called her out on her Richard Castle fanaticism. "Speaking of fans, we're going to need access to your fan mail from the last six months."

"Sure, I'll call my publisher, she'll have all that and will have it sent over. I can help go through it, I know I get some pretty nasty stuff, and some of it has gotten even worse since Alexis died. There are some weird people out there."

"That there are, Castle."

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They worked the case together. Kate continued to notice small differences, but in general the case was going the same as it had before, only this time she suspected Tisdale's sister. The same man had been implicated through Castle's fan mail as before. Only this time, Kate knew that he was a patsy instead of the guilty murderer she had suspected him of being the first time around. However, instead of revealing the information, she let Castle catch it instead like he had the first time around, only this time he didn't need to steal evidence to make the connections.

She also noticed small and large differences in Castle. He was more reserved than he had been before, but the same good humor was there, it just didn't show up as often. He was still as insightful as he always was, but he seemed more engaged somehow. He wasn't as flirtatious as he had been, and that worried her to no end. _What if this version of Richard Castle doesn't find me attractive?_

She had a lot of worries over that first day. By the time they got to Allyson Tisdale's sister's apartment that evening to execute a search warrant, Beckett was worried about what would happen when this case ended and they brought the killer to justice. Would he choose to shadow her? Would she need to talk him into it? She wasn't sure that if he didn't choose to do it on his own that she would be able to convince him to do it.

"Stay in the car, Castle. We don't know what to expect from this woman."

He nodded. She, Ryan and Esposito went into the apartment and discovered that it was empty, just as the apartment of the brother had been empty her first time during this case. The window as open and the curtains were billowing, suggesting that their suspect, Jennifer Tisdale, had ran for it. _Shit, Castle._

Remembering how this scene had played out before, but worrying about possible changes this time around, she rushed down the stairs and back out the front door, noticing that Castle was no longer in her cruiser where she told him to wait. _Typical._

As she turned the corner into the alley, she heard sounds of struggle coming from behind the small transport van that was parked in the alleyway. _Fuck, what has he gotten himself into this time, _she thinks sourly.

Quickly walking around the van, she pulled her gun from its place on her hip. What she saw when she finally made her way to the front of the van shocked her. It definitely wasn't what had happened before…

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**a.n. I wasn't going to do a cliff hanger, I swear, but I think that the next part and what happens after deserves its own chapter. Please leave a review to let me know how you like this chapter!**


	6. Chapter 6

**a.n. Thanks to everyone who has sent in their reviews. A lot of you don't like that I killed off Alexis. To those people, I beg you, please bear with me. The ending is awesome, and is something that everyone will like, I promise. If you can't wait, PM me and I'll spoil it for you.**

**Disclaimer: It's highly entertaining to me that anyone could expect me to own Castle, because that's obviously not the case.**

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Chapter Six

_Previously…_

_She, Ryan and Esposito went into the apartment and discovered that it was empty, just as the apartment of the brother had been empty her first time during this case. The window as open and the curtains were billowing, suggesting that their suspect, Jennifer Tisdale, had ran for it. _Shit, Castle_. _

_Remembering how this scene had played out before, but worrying about possible changes this time around, she rushed down the stairs and back out the front door, noticing that Castle was no longer in her cruiser where she told him to wait. _Typical_. _

_As she turned the corner into the alley, she heard sounds of struggle coming from behind the small transport van that was parked in the alleyway. _Fuck, what has he gotten himself into this time_, she thinks sourly. _

_Quickly walking around the van, she pulled her gun from its place on her hip. What she saw when she finally made her way to the front of the van shocked her. It definitely wasn't what had happened before…_

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"You just going to stand there and stare, Detective, or are you going to come cuff her?" Castle asked. Kate just stared at the scene before her, not quite comprehending how it had happened. Castle had the suspect on the ground face down, her arms behind her back while he knelt beside her holding her arms in position. There was a large gash across his cheek which was bleeding, and the woman had a black eye.

Shaking off her shock, she quickly strode over to the suspect and placed her cuffs on Tisdale's wrists. Castle let go of her arms and stood on shaky legs, bringing his hand up to his cheek where the blood was starting to flow down the side of his face. The cut looked deep, and Kate was sure that it hurt like a bitch.

Ryan and Esposito came up to them then, and Kate passed Tisdale off, instructing them to take her into custody and read her her rights. Turning back to Castle, she said, "What the hell, Castle. You know how dangerous it is to go after a suspect? She could have had a gun!"

"She had a knife instead, but I couldn't just let her get away," he retorted. "But I think I'm going to need some stitches, so maybe you're right."

Kate sighed and pulled out her phone to call in an ambulance. Normally she'd just drive him, but NYPD policy said that anyone wounded during a takedown had to go to the hospital via an ambulance. _This isn't going to be good if it's our first case and he's already been injured,_ she thought.

She watched as Castle slumped down against a wall. He was still holding his hand to the cut on his cheek, which continued to spew blood. She knelt down next to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Does it hurt?"

"It stings. I'm sure it'll be fine. Before I could get the knife away from her, she was already slashing with it."

"How did you disarm her?"

"Oh, you should have seen me, I was like a ninja!" he said, the familiar twinkle in his eyes making her breath catch. The smile fell off his face when he said, "Alexis used to love ninja stories."

"You feel guilty when you're happy, don't you?" she asked out of the blue, still shocked sometimes at how well she could read this man, even this new version of him.

He looked at her with a shocked expression. "How?"

"I felt the same way after my mother died," she hadn't planned on telling him so much, but she couldn't stop now. _Maybe telling him sooner will aid in getting him interested in me._

"Do you still feel that way? It's been six years and I still feel so guilty for enjoying my life when my little girl…when she can't enjoy hers."

"I'd say it gets better, but not really. I figured out that all you can do is remember that the person you lost would want you to live every day for them, and that they would want you to be happy." What she didn't say, of course, was that it was Richard Castle who had taught her that. He had taught her that it was okay to love and live. It had taken her years to accept it, and when she was finally ready to embrace a future full of love and happiness, she had lost him forever.

He looked over at her but as he was about to respond, the ambulance pulled in and the paramedics rushed into the alley.

As she sat next to the ambulance while Castle was stitched up, she thought back on the conversation they'd just had. She knew that one of the reasons why Castle had stuck around was because he was fascinated by her story. That first day when he had profiled her oh so accurately had been the start of his real interest in her. That hadn't happened this time, really, even though he had figured out that she had experienced a loss when she was driving them to the precinct for the first time. She wondered if the changes she had made this time around would be enough to get him to shadow her. She was brought out of her thoughts when he stepped out of the ambulance, butterfly bandages over the side of his right cheek.

He smiled down at her, "good as new."

She smiled back as she stood up. Together they walked back towards her car, which was still parked in front of Tisdale's apartment complex.

When they got to the side of her car he turned to her and said, "Listen, I was wondering, could we get a drink or some coffee? I have something I'd like to ask you."

Kate had to mentally shove away her giddiness. "Of course. Let's walk. It's a nice day."

They walked a couple blocks in amicable silence until they found a small café with outdoor seating. They took their seats and gave their order to the waitress who happened by.

"You wanted to ask me something?" Kate prodded, hoping against all hope that he would want to shadow her again. She needed him by her side if she wanted to have any chance at getting him back.

"Yeah. Uh…this is going to sound weird, and maybe a little bit…I don't know…unorthodox, I guess." The waitress appeared then and sat down their coffees, asking if there was anything else she could get them. They both said no, and Castle continued, "You know I killed off Derrick Storm. Or at least you guessed it."

"Wait, I was right?"

He smiled and nodded. "Yeah. But don't tell anyone. The book doesn't come out for another month yet, and I don't need my publisher blaming me for an online leak."

"You have my word, I won't tell a soul."

He was silent for a minute while he took a long gulp of his steaming coffee. "I need a new character," he said after a while.

"Do you have one in mind?"

"Actually, yes. I want to base my new series on Esposito," he said with a straight face.

Kate, who had just taken a sip of her latte nearly did a spit take. _What?! He can't be serious!_

He laughed at her then. "God you should have seen the look on your face. Esposito is great and all, but I bet you're much more interesting. I'm going to base my next character on you. If that's okay with you."

"I almost spit my coffee all over you," she said, laughing. It was nice to know that he still had a sense of humor despite everything this version of Richard Castle had been through.

"I know," he said smugly. "Anyways, what I wanted to ask you was if you would be able to let me follow you around for a few cases, for research. Not just office work, though. I need the real thing so I can create the best story possible. I'll help you solve the cases you get so I can get a taste of what it's like."

She forced herself to think about it for a few minutes, even though she knew what her answer had to be. She didn't want to come across as too eager. After pretending to ponder his request she said, "I don't know Castle. I think I'm okay with that, but you'd have to get it cleared by my boss and the police commissioner."

"That won't be an issue, I don't think. The mayor is a good friend, and he owes me a few favors."

"You're sure you really want to do this? You saw how dangerous this job can be, or at least a small part of it, today. You could be in danger." This was the conversation she never got to have with Castle the first time since he had just forced himself onto her team, and while she would be forever grateful that he did, she had hated him for doing it the first time.

"I'm okay with that," he said. She was a bit worried about his reasons for agreeing so quickly. She saw the enduring sadness in his eyes that was always there even when he was joking around. She worried that he didn't care anymore about his own safety.

"If you do this, you have to listen to me, Castle. When I tell you to wait in the car, you wait in the car. There will be some situations where I won't let you come with me."

He shakes his head. "I'll listen, but I want to be in those situations if I can, Detective. I know you'll worry about me, but if I'm going to do this right, I need to understand the dynamic you have during those situations. It's the way I do things. The only way I'll know how my character reacts to dangerous situations is to see how you react to them."

It was then that she realized why Castle had always tried to worm his way into those situations when they had first met. He wasn't doing it to annoy her, though she's sure he had a good time doing that too, he was doing it for research. She wondered what would have changed between them if they had been this open with each other from the get go the first time around. _If only…_

"You'll need to sign some forms, I'm sure, and we'll need to get you a vest if you're really going to do this. And I'll need to learn to trust that you won't do anything stupid. I will not have a silly civilian getting himself killed because he tried to act the hero. So no more of what you did today, got it?"

"I couldn't just let her get away, what should I have done?" He wasn't mocking, or pouting, it seemed to her that he was honestly asking. _That's another difference between my two Castles,_ she thought.

She thought about it for a minute. Even though there were differences between the two Castles she knew before and now, the biggest one seemed that this Castle wasn't just in this for the story. This Castle wanted justice. _Just like I did for so long_. The need for justice was there in the previous Castle too, but it was buried under flirtatious remarks, innuendo, and immaturity.

"I don't know. But it worries me, Castle, that if you come shadow me that you'll end up dead because you went off on your own. So if we do this, and you insist on coming with me into these situations, then we're partners, understand? That means we go everywhere together when we're on the job, and that we'll have each other's backs." She hadn't meant to thrust the idea of them being partners on him so early, but she liked the idea of him considering them partners now instead of waiting for that interaction to develop. She went with it now because of the changes she has seen in this new Castle. He was more serious, more responsible, and he seemed much more trustworthy than Richard Castle was when she first met him.

"Partners," he said smiling. "That sounds great." Then he frowned, thinking hard. "What if I let you down?"

She sighed. She knew that this was something that the Richard Castle of last time would never worry about. He was more confident. Much more cocky than the man who sat before her. "I can't promise that you won't. Hell, Rick, I can't even promise that I won't let you down. What you can do, is do your best. So how are you going to get my boss to agree to this charade of yours?"

"I'll talk to Roy first, and if he agrees, then I'll talk to Bob. If I can get him on board, he'll lean on the commissioner. Should be fairly simple, though I'm sure there'll be some legal hoops to jump through."

"I'm sure." They sat there in comfortable silence for a few minutes, sipping their coffee. She noticed several emotions flit over his face after a few minutes. "What's on your mind, Castle?"

"What? Oh, sorry, just thinking. I zone out every once in a while. I'm thinking of names right now."

"Names?"

"I need a good cop name for the detective in my book that I'll be basing on you. Got any ideas?"

_Yeah, Nikki Heat,_ she thought, but didn't say. "What constitutes a cop name?" she asked instead.

"It has to be strong and memorable, like you. Something that maybe can be used as the basis for a title." His brow furrowed as he thought about possible names. _God, that's adorable,_ she thought.

"What about Nikki Heat?" she asked, wondering what this version of Castle would think of his own creation, hoping that he would like it. It'd be too weird to read about **her** character with a different name.

"Where'd you come up with that?"

_Think fast, Kate._ "I've always liked the name Nikki ever since I went to Kiev for a semester. Lots of Nikki's over there. As for Heat? It has potential for titles. Heat Wave, Naked Heat, Frozen Heat and so on. It's a little dirty, but it sounds good."

"Sounds like a stripper name," he said with a smirk, she laughed. _That's exactly what I thought when I first heard that name, _she thought_. _"But I like it. You're right it has a bunch of really cool title implications. Thank you."

"Really? You're going to use it?"

"Of course. I like it, you like it which is important since the character is based on you, and it just sounds awesome. It was a good idea."

She smiled at him. "Well, I've got to get back to the precinct to finish paperwork and see if I can get a confession out of Tisdale."

"Can I get a ride? I want to talk to Roy so I can get the ball rolling on our new arrangement."

"Sure. Let's go." He paid for their coffees despite her protests and they made their way back to her car chatting amicably. For the first time since she woke up in this new world, she had hope that she could take advantage of her second chance, and for now, hope was all she needed.

xxxxxxxxxx

**a.n. A lot of you hate cliff hangers, so I gave you a reprieve. You're welcome.**

**I'll probably get some reviews saying that RC is out of character here, and others who will say that he's too happy for a parent who lost a child. I think that this new Castle is going to be a mixture of the man we know and love, and a more broken version. In many ways his humor and child-like nature are coping mechanisms to shield him from the real world. He still has the humor in our story, and I will have him use it in the same way. But you'll also notice spots where he's completely different than our canon Castle because of the loss he suffered. His new personality is probably going to be one of the hardest parts of the story from here on out as it will affect is interest in a relationship with Beckett.**

**Also, I know that Kate spends an inordinate amount of time in the chapter comparing the two Castles. She'll do that less and less as she gets to know this new version.**

**Finally, I have no clue if there are Nikki's in Kiev. Totally made that up, so don't be offended.**

**Please leave a review! Reviewers are awesome!**


	7. Chapter 7

**a.n. Thanks everyone for the kind reviews and such. You are all beautiful people, and I can't tell you how much those reviews mean to me.**

**This chapter gets heavy, but I tried to intersperse some levity in there too. Let me know what you think.**

**Disclaimer: Nope.**

**xxxx**

**Chapter Seven**

_Previously…_

"_Well, I've got to get back to the precinct to finish paperwork and see if I can get a confession out of Tisdale."_

"_Can I get a ride? I want to talk to Roy so I can get the ball rolling on our new arrangement."_

"_Sure. Let's go." He paid for their coffees despite her protests and they made their way back to her car chatting amicably. For the first time since she woke up in this new world, she had hope that she could take advantage of her second chance, and for now, hope was all she needed._

xxxx

When Kate Beckett finally got to her (old) apartment that evening, she was exhausted but satisfied with the way the day had gone after they had arrested Tisdale's sister. Castle had spoken to Roy Montgomery and had received his approval to shadow her both at the precinct and in the field, if he could get approval from both the Police Commissioner and the Mayor. When Castle had left he had seemed confident that neither man would have a problem granting him access to the NYPD. She just hoped he was right. The last thing she needed was to be held up because of red tape or political pride.

She threw her keys in the bowl beside the door, stripped off her jacket and locked her gun and badge away in the safe in her bedroom. It was weird for her to come back to this apartment, knowing that if things went as they had before it would become a smoldering pile of ash within the next year.

Standing in front of the mirror hanging over her dresser she took in her appearance. The short red-ish hair was something she was still getting used to. It felt odd not to have long locks of hair flowing over her shoulders. She could remember countless nights curled up in Castle's arms where he couldn't stop playing with locks of her hair. It was something she knew she would miss until she could, hopefully, have it again.

Looking down she took off her father's watch and placed it in the wooden box which she kept on the top of her dresser. Then she reached behind her and unclasped the chain around her neck, pulling her mom's ring away from her skin. Holding it tight in her fingers she studied it for the millionth time, but for the first time since she arrived in this new time. _What am I going to do about this? Should I go in tomorrow, get the tape, confront Montgomery, and start the process of arresting Bracken? Or should I wait? What if something has changed? What if the tape isn't there?_

Needless to say, she had a lot of questions about what was going to happen once she started to look into her mother's case again. When she and Castle had finally solved it in her previous time she had felt so relieved. She had felt that she finally had an opportunity to live and to love free of the obsession that had driven her for almost 15 years. That chance hadn't lasted long enough.

Setting the chain and ring down inside the box, she decided that she would work on her relationship with Castle first. She needed to get him settled in, following her, being her partner, and maybe take their first step romantically before she made any move in Bracken's direction. She had made the mistake before of putting her mom's case ahead of her heart. She wouldn't do that again.

xxxx

The next day she walked into the precinct and found Castle waiting for her at her desk.

"Castle, what are you doing here? Are you in?"

He smiled, "Yup. Commissioner and Mayor signed off on it last night. I've signed my legal papers, and I'm now officially an NYPD consultant. They even said they'd give me an ID badge."

"That's great!" She felt like a huge weight had been lifted from her chest. The first major hurdle in their relationship had been overcome. He was here, and he was going to shadow her again. The badge thing was new, however.

"So what do we have today, Detective?"

"Paperwork right now, Castle. At least until we get a call." She took off her coat, hung it over the back of her chair, and took a seat. "You can actually go home and I'll call you if that happens, unless you want to stick around."

"No, I'm here for the long haul. I need to experience everything, even the tedious parts. I'll get us some coffee," he said, walking to the breakroom.

When he came back five minutes later he said, "Beckett, this coffee is terrible. How do you drink this sludge? It tastes like a monkey peed in battery acid."

She laughed, remembering when he had said those words before. It surprised her that this Castle would say the exact same words, but it also gave her hope that real Richard Castle was still there even with the tragedy he had suffered.

"I'm sorry our coffee doesn't meet your standards, Mr. Castle," she teased. Secretly she hoped he would do as he had done before and buy them a better coffee machine. No matter how much she had avoided it to begin with, in the end it was oh-so-worth it.

Castle handed her a cup, then looked around, spotted a chair underneath the stairs and sat it beside her desk. She smiled again, happy that he had found the same chair. _His chair. _

For the next few hours she sat there doing paperwork, and he sat there watching her. _At least the staring hasn't gotten any creepier, _she thought. A little after 10 that morning her phone rang.

"Beckett," she answered. Listening, she picked up a pad of sticky notes and wrote down the address that the dispatcher had just given her. After getting the info, she hung up, stood and grabbed her jacket.

"Come on, Castle, we have a body."

xxxx

"You ready for this, Castle?" She asked as they walked together towards the crime scene. She remembered this building from her first visit here; how she had come to the crime scene after abandoning Castle to finish his paperwork, how he had shown up after talking with the doorman, how he had annoyed her every second. She remembered it all.

"Sure, Detective. I've seen crime scenes before," he said softly.

"Okay." Together they crossed the threshold into the apartment building's laundry room.

"Victim's name is Sara Manning," Ryan said, walking up to them and leading them to the body. "26, works as a nanny for a married couple upstairs."

"Who found the body," Kate asked, studying the crime scene for differences from her first time here. The body was still stuffed inside a dryer, the bleach bottle still on its side on the floor. Looking back she noticed Castle poking around, studying the crime scene, but still focusing on her.

"Little old lady from the third floor. Came down to do her laundry, and needed the machine. Left it there the first time," Ryan said, "but decided that she didn't want to wait anymore. Opened it up and found the body."

"No one should root around in someone else's underwear," Espo said, walking up behind Ryan.

"If you leave the machine unattended, and it gets done, you should expect someone to get your clothes out. Come on, Espo, it's unfair to think you can just take up a machine all day and get away with it," Ryan retorted.

"Probably not a motive for murder, though," Castle said from behind her. Her lips quirked up as they always did when he stepped close to her.

"What else do we know," Beckett asked, getting her team back on track.

"Not much yet," Espo replied. "She was a nanny for a little girl up on the twelfth floor. We're tracking down next of kin."

"Alright. You guys pull surveillance tape, Castle and I will go talk to her employers. Do you have a room number?"

"12-F," Ryan says, getting the number from his notepad.

xxxx

They talked to the husband and wife who employed Sara Manning. Claudia and Howard Peterson had been friendly, but distant as she and Castle had questioned them. _They were the definition of unhelpful, but they were definitely hiding something just as they had the last time,_ Kate thought as she and Castle made their way back to her car.

"They were hiding something," Castle said as he buckled his seatbelt. "What's your next move?"

"I need to find out more. They said she had a boyfriend, so we need to talk to him, and she was friends with another nanny from the fifteenth floor. So we need to talk to her too. And yeah, they were hiding something."

"Claudia Peterson is having an affair," Castle said, climbing into the passenger seat.

"What? How do you know?"

"The husband couldn't keep the disgust off his face every time she spoke, which is why he kept the conversation flowing. He didn't want to hear her voice."

"Okay, why does that mean she had an affair? Couldn't they just have had a fight?" she asked, pulling out into traffic and pointing the car towards the precinct.

"No. Plus they aren't sleeping together. I looked in one of the rooms we passed by, and the bed was unmade and his clothes were spread out over the room. It wasn't the master bedroom. Maybe Sara Manning found out about the affair and threatened the wife? But that doesn't make sense because the husband already knows."

"That's really impressive, Castle." She meant it. She had picked up on the husband's awkwardness around his wife, but hadn't seen the bedroom. It was the husband who had the affair the last time around, but it had ended up having nothing to do with the murder. _So if this is true,_ she thought, _this case is different than it was before._

He smiled. "Thanks, Detective. One of the things I've learned as a novelist is that the more details you soak up about your environment, the better your writing is. It makes it feel more real."

"So you're a real Sherlock Holmes, then?" she teased.

"Hey, I'll have you know that if I had been alive when Sir Arthur Conan Doyle had written those books, I'd have been his muse."

She laughed. "So is that what I am to you? Your muse?"

"Yes, and an extraordinary muse you'll be too, Detective. I can already tell."

She smiled. "Thanks, Castle."

xxxx

"You ever been married, Detective?" Castle asked as they walked through the playground, looking for the Chloe, the nanny who had been friends with their victim. His voice was somber, as he studied the scores of children who played on the equipment.

_Almost, _she thought sadly. "No, Castle, never been." She remembers telling him before about being a 'one and done type of girl'. "You?" In the previous timeline he'd been married twice, but this time things from his past seemed to be different.

"Actually I've never been married either. Alexis' mom deserted us right after she was born. I was going to propose when she got pregnant, but she wanted to wait until after the baby was born. Turns out she didn't want it at all. I didn't even hear from her when Alexis was killed."

_God. What hell that must have been._ "That's terrible, Rick."

"Yeah. I always regret Alexis not having a real mother, but I'll never regret her. She was the best thing that ever happened to me." She could see the tears gathering in his eyes. He tried to rub them away, but was rather unsuccessful.

She went to say something else, when he pointed and said, "There's one that looks like it could be Chloe."

xxxx

"Okay, I really didn't see that coming," Castle said as Ryan and Esposito let the killer out of the apartment complex. "Wow." It turned out that Howard Peterson had been having an affair with their victim, and had killed her when she had threatened to tell his wife. Sara Manning had wanted him to divorce is wife for her, and when he wouldn't she decided that she would break them up.

"I admit, even I'm a little shocked by that turn of events. You were right, though. Claudia was having an affair. We just didn't know that he was too. Howard Peterson didn't care about his wife's feelings, he just didn't want to lose the money when the divorce went through, so his infidelity couldn't come to light."

"Why is it always money?" Castle asked as they followed the boys out to the street where her car was parked. "I hate the idea that someone would kill for something so…petty."

"I do too. It's probably the motive that bothers me the most," she said, stepping around her car.

"Yeah. Hey you want to grab something to eat? I have some questions, and I'm starving."

"Sure Castle. We can stop by Remy's. Do you know it?"

"Do I know it? Oh, I know it, Detective. They have the best shakes this side of…well anywhere. Their burgers are good to," he said with a smile as he got into the car.

As they drove towards the diner, Kate couldn't help but be happy with the way their first case had gone. She was almost giddy that he had mentioned getting dinner. She wanted to spend more time with him, but had been a little afraid to bring it up. She knew that if she was going to really do this, she was going to have to get over that fear. _It was fear that led you to the mistakes you made last time,_ she thought.

Arriving at Remy's they placed their order and talked about the case they had just closed. The conversation was so easy; maybe even easier than it was between them in her previous time. She couldn't get over how much she loved this man, how much she wanted him. She knew that she shouldn't push him, and it took all her will power not to just lean across the table and kiss him senseless. _God I want that._

"Kate, can I ask you a question?" Castle asked after they had finished their burgers and shakes.

"Of course," she said with an encouraging smile.

"How do you deal with the ones you can't solve?"

The question surprised her, though given his past it shouldn't have really. "Not very well, is the best answer I can give, Rick. You know my mom died? I was 19 when she was murdered, and it's what drove me to become a cop. I wanted to solve her murder so bad. And to this day I still haven't. I'm better about it now, but when I first became a detective I dove headfirst into the case and didn't come out until my training office forced me into therapy.

"For the non-personal cases I do the same thing. I dwell on them and obsess over them until I'm forced to leave them be. It's not healthy, but I guess I can't stand that there are people out there like me that don't receive the justice they deserve when they lose a loved one."

"I was the same way, you know?"

"After Alexis died? For how long?"

"I have connections, you know? So I weaseled the case file out of a buddy at the 19th, and started to do my own investigation. I was obsessed for almost two years. I only got out of it because it almost killed me."

"What do you mean it almost killed you?" She wasn't sure she wanted the answer to that question, but she wanted to know as much as she could about this new Richard Castle.

"I was depressed for a long while afterwards, and they put me on antidepressants. I wanted answers so bad, but some days I didn't feel like getting out of bed. So I took more of the pills thinking that it would help me want to do something, maybe want to do something else. The OD caused some major problems and left me in the hospital for four weeks. After that I got help. Saw a therapist, and buried myself in my writing."

"God, Rick, that's terrible."

"Yeah. I have no idea why I told you that. It's not something I talk about."

She looked at him then, considering how damaged this version of Richard Castle really was. He put on a good show, making it appear that he was perfectly fine. But he wasn't. He was a lot like her when they had first met before. Sad and broken. It worried her that her quest would prove to be much more difficult than she had anticipated because of how damaged he was.

"I'm glad you told me," she said finally.

He gave her a sad smile and then said, "I should let you get back to the precinct. I have to do some writing." He stood, took out his wallet and laid down enough to cover the bill. She could tell that he wanted space after the conversation they just had. She was well versed in that fine art, so she decided that she wouldn't push him for more. Not just yet.

"Until tomorrow, Detective," he said.

"See you tomorrow, Castle."

xxxx

**a.n.2. So I know I didn't go into a lot of case details here. Let me know if that is okay. I covered the differences. If I didn't mention it, assume that the details were the same as canon. I really don't want to make this into a case fic, but the cases will still structure the story if that makes sense. I need to find the right balance between case details and moving Caskett forward. **

**Please leave a review and let me know what you think. **


	8. Chapter 8

**a.n. Thanks for the reviews! You guys are awesome!**

**Like I said last chapter, if I don't cover a part of the case in a chapter assume that it is the same as canon. However, DO NOT assume that the dialog is, just assume that the dialog doesn't change the story that much. Castle doesn't make rude or inappropriate comments in our story here like he does on the show. For obvious reasons I'm not going to cover every single minute of Caskett's interactions. **

**This chapter is our first time jump (we're going from 1x02 to 1x05). I'm not going to go through each case they work like they did on the show. When there is a time jump, you won't be left completely in the dark about what happened. Also, some of the dialog in this chapter is direct from canon. I do not own it. **

**Disclaimer: Don't own Castle. **

**Chapter Eight**

_Previously…_

"_Yeah. I have no idea why I told you that. It's not something I talk about."_

_She looked at him then, considering how damaged this version of Richard Castle really was. He put on a good show, making it appear that he was perfectly fine. But he wasn't. He was a lot like her when they had first met before. Sad and broken. It worried her that her quest would prove to be much more difficult than she had anticipated because of how damaged he was. _

"_I'm glad you told me," she said finally. _

_He gave her a sad smile and then said, "I should let you get back to the precinct. I have to do some writing." He stood, took out his wallet and laid down enough to cover the bill. She could tell that he wanted space after the conversation they just had. She was well versed in that fine art, so she decided that she wouldn't push him for more. Not just yet._

"_Until tomorrow, Detective," he said._

"_See you tomorrow, Castle." _

xxxx

"I seriously don't understand that," Castle said as they walked out of the Davidson's house. They were investigating the case of Melanie Cavanaugh, who they found frozen at a construction site. They had just finished interviewing Melanie's parents, Ben and Julie Davidson.

"Don't understand what, Castle," Kate asked, getting in her car.

"I don't understand how a cop could just write off this case as a missing person when the parents were so sure that something else had gone wrong. The detective just gave it like two days and was done with the case. Are there a lot of detectives like that?"

"A lot of older ones, yeah. It's sad."

"Not to sound like I'm brown nosing, but you'd never do something like this. I mean I've been with you now for three weeks and I just could never see you doing it."

She smiled. "That's sweet, Castle. But not all detectives are invested in the job like I am. That and I know what it's like to have a detective shove a case away after only a small investigation."

"Do you know this particular detective?"

"No, Detective Sloan was before my time."

"Is he still with the force?"

"No, he's a local sheriff in Jersey."

"Is that where we're going now?"

"Yup."

xxxx

As they drove back to the precinct after interviewing Sloan, Beckett said, "I hate cops like him. Guys like him, things only make sense if they fit in a box. So they make them fit, and murderers go free."

"That part about him 'having reports' really got to me. It seems like he was taking the word of a piece of paper instead of doing the actual police work," Castle said as he read the case file for a second time.

This case had been almost identical to how it had been the first time around, with the exception that Melanie and Sam Cavanaugh had no kids, and they lived in a different place than they had during Kate's first time through. The rest of the details and people had all been the same thus far. "Well we're going to have to do that work now. Something here just doesn't add up. If Sam killed Melanie, then who killed Sam and why? It's too much of a coincidence that he was murdered four years after his wife."

"Could be that they were both mixed up in something illegal. Melanie was killed to keep Sam from going to the cops. When he broke a year ago, the same organization or person came back to finish the job."

Kate frowned, scrunching her eyebrows and tightening her grip on the steering wheel. "Maybe."

xxxx

The first differences in the case started to appear once they found the storage locker where the killer had kept the freezer. The first thing she noticed that was different from the first time was that Melanie's ex-boyfriend, the one that she kept running off to see during her marriage to Samuel, was not in prison this time, but instead worked at an auto mechanic's shop in Brooklyn.

They learned absolutely nothing from him, other than he and Melanie were madly in love, but he didn't consider himself good enough to be with her. He had checked himself into rehab and had been clean ever since.

The next difference Kate noticed was that Samuel's best friend, Charles Wyler, was hiding something, and it was different this time. It was something bigger than simply paying for the storage locker where the freezer was kept. Something more menacing.

As she and Castle walked back to her cruiser after talking to him, Castle asked "That guy give you the creeps?"

She looked over at him as she approached the driver's side door. "Yep. He's hiding something and it definitely isn't something good."

"His eyes are shifty, but they were also cold, you know?" Castle said, getting into the car.

"He didn't seem all that shook up about Samuel's death did he?" She pulled out into traffic and started back towards the 12th.

"But how do we prove that he had something to do with Samuel's demise? And what about Melanie? We've been going under the assumption that Samuel killed Melanie because he waited a day to report her missing, what if that's not the case? We have no proof that he did the deed."

She loved building theory with him, so damn much. Even without the flirtatious side of this Castle, it was still like some kind of foreplay. They just _got_ each other, and it made the whole experience electrifying. "We'll find it, Castle. All we have to do is look in the right place."

He gave her a small smile and turned his gaze to the passing buildings and pedestrians, apparently deep in thought.

xxxx

Wyler was the killer. They knew it. They knew why. They just didn't have the proof.

"It's been five years," Castle said. "Is it possible that there just isn't any evidence left? I mean the cops didn't exactly knock this out of the park when they investigated her disappearance. There was a lot of time for him to kill Melanie, hide her body, and then cover it up."

"There is no such thing as a perfect murder, Castle," Beckett said while she stared at the murder board, looking for any clue that could lead them to the evidence they needed. They had been stumped for hours, but Castle had posited a theory that made a lot of sense.

Wyler and Samuel Cavanaugh were in business together smuggling goods through Wyler's transportation company. Samuel got cold feet, and was threatening to call the cops. In order to stop him, Castle posited, Wyler killed Melanie and made it look like Samuel had a hand in it. Four years later, Samuel Cavanaugh decided enough was enough and threatened to go to the police again. Wyler wasn't sure that Melanie's death could be pinned on Samuel, so he offed him instead.

She had asked Castle why Charles Wyler had kept Melanie in the freezer for five years. He had responded that Wyler not only needed her body for evidence so he could pin her murder on her husband, but also to taunt Samuel should he need to be reminded of his proper place.

She was pretty sure given what little evidence they found that Castle's theory was correct. They just had no evidence that Wyler committed the murders.

"It may not be perfect, Beckett, it might just be that there's nothing to find. Have you heard back from Lanie on the final autopsy report?"

"Not yet," she said. Her phone rang and she said, "that's her now, nice. Hey Lanie, you have something?" Kate listened to her friend's response, and smiled victoriously. She pressed the end button and looked up at her partner. "We got him, Castle. She found some DNA under Melanie's fingernails, and it matches Wyler. We may not get him for Samuel's unless we can get a confession, but he for sure killed Melanie." She turned to the boys who were both sitting at their respective desks. "Hey guys, go pick up Charles Wyler, we got him." The both grabbed their coats and made their way to the elevator after bumping their fists together.

Castle sighed. "Something wrong, Rick?"

He shook his head and sat down in his chair. "Just a long day. This case got to me."

"Yeah it got to me too. But we have him now. Sometimes we get lucky."

He smiled up at her then pulled out his phone.

xxxx

She loved him, she really, really did. She wanted him back. Over the last couple of cases, they had met after the case for dinner at Remy's. She had come to crave those small periods where they could meet and be alone and talk about things other than the case. During their second case together he had told her a lot about Alexis, and she loved to see how happy he was remembering the good memories of his daughter, even if there was the lingering sadness which would always be there.

On the previous case, she told him the full story about her mom's murder and about the aftermath. She couldn't deny that even though she knew she could solve her mom's case, it still hurt to talk about it. He had been sympathetic and had asked about how she got to be so level headed about her loss. She had told him about how she had found herself buried by her mom's case for several years and how she had to undergo therapy in order to be better.

After they had gotten a confession out of Charles Wyler, she asked, "Hey Castle, you up for some dinner tonight before you head home?"

He looked over at her from where he was standing near the murder board. "I'd like to, but I've got some writing to do, so I'm going to have to ask for a raincheck."

She tried to hide her disappointment, she really did, but she could tell she was unsuccessful. He didn't say anything, but she could see the regret in his eyes, and she knew that he wasn't just saying no; that he really had writing to do.

"Good news, though," he said, picking up his coat off the back of his chair.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. If I get this writing done tonight, I'll be able to give you your advanced copy of the first Nikki Heat novel."

"You're almost done with the book? It's only been three weeks!" She was shocked. It had taken him nearly a year to write the first book the first time around.

He ran his hand through his hair and said "I don't have much else to occupy my time, and I don't sleep that well anymore, so I write. A lot. And," he said, giving her a smile, "I was really inspired this time. I haven't been this excited about a character since I first started Derrick Storm, maybe not even then."

She couldn't help the blush that colored her cheeks, she ducked her head but remembered that she no longer had long hair to hide her head from view. _I really need to grow my hair out again,_ she thought.

"So when will I get this first look," she asked, recovering.

"Maybe tomorrow. You can't tell anyone, though, my publisher will have a fit if she finds out I shared a copy with you. But I really don't care what she thinks."

"Is that Gina Cowell?"

"Yeah, how did you know?" he asked, snaking his arms through his coat and pulling it over his shoulders.

"I had to call her when I needed to talk with you that first day. I needed your address."

"Ah, so you've already talked to the beast. I hope she was helpful. She can be a bit much if she doesn't feel like cooperating."

"She was fine." Together they walked towards the elevator. "Do you have a title for the book yet?" She was curious if the title of the book would be same this time around of if it would be different.

"Yeah. It's great! It's called _Heat Wave_. Obviously playing off Nikki's last name. I really hope this book does well because there are so many title opportunities."

"Can I ask if you plan on continuing to shadow me after this book is finished?"

"Technically, Roy said I could stick around through this book only. But I'm going to talk to him. I want to stick around. I have enough research, but I like what you do and I like solving crimes alongside you. We make a great team. So while it isn't set in stone, I want to do it at least. Why don't you want me to?"

"Of course I do. You're right we're a great team. And while we haven't been together for long, you're a great partner even if you aren't a cop."

"Okay, cool!" They had reached the outside of the precinct and were standing facing each other. He reached out and touched her elbow. "But…uh…Kate if you ever get sick of having me around, just say the word. The last thing I want to do is be an inconvenience."

She gave him a reassuring smile. "I doubt you'll ever be one. But I'll let you know if it ever becomes a problem."

He smiled back at her and dropped his hand from her arm. "Until tomorrow, Detective."

"See you tomorrow, Castle."

xxxx

Her phone woke her up at around 3AM. She let out a groan and buried her face in her pillow. _Please don't be a body, please don't be a body…_

"Beckett," she growled after getting the damned device up to her ear.

"Kate…"

"Rick what's wrong," she said, suddenly much more awake. He sounded so small and scared. She knew instantly that something wasn't right.

"I'm sorry," he said. She could tell he was trying to regulate his breathing. "I shouldn't have called."

"Oh, no, Mister. You don't get to wake me up and then not tell me what's wrong. What's going on?"

"Sorry," he mumbled. "I…uh…had a nightmare and needed to make sure you…uh…were okay."

_Oh, Rick, no. _"I'm okay, Rick. Promise. What was the dream about?"

"This is embarrassing. I dreamt about the day that Alexis was stabbed, only this time it wasn't her, it was you. I don't even know why my brain went there, but…I guess it's just we've been spending so much time together it just went there. I'm sorry for waking you up."

"No, that's okay. I've had those type of dreams before so I know how it can help to talk to someone about them. So don't apologize."

"Thanks, Kate." She could tell that he was much calmer than he had been when she first picked up the phone. While she was sad that he was having the dreams, the fact that he was dreaming of **her** made her feel a little giddy.

"Sure, Rick. You going to be okay?"

"Yeah. I'll see you tomorrow, bright and early."

She smiled, looking forward to it. "Okay. Night, Castle."

"Good night Detective."

xxxx

**a.n.2. So there's another case. Again, let me know how I'm doing. I am working really hard on the balance between case and Caskett. If I do too little case, I'm afraid it'll be confusing, so let me know how it works. **

**I also know that it might seem a little early for Castle to be dreaming of Beckett, but I think it fits with this version of Richard Castle. Even after four cases, he is attached to Kate Beckett. He just doesn't know how much yet, and we won't know how he'll deal with it once he realizes his feelings. **

**Review please.**


	9. Chapter 9

**a.n. Sorry for the delay, this story is harder to write than it probably should be, and my life seems to be getting in the way of my Castle time. Damn life.**

**Some of the dialog in this chapter is closely taken from canon. I do not own it, nor do I own the characters.**

**xxxx**

**Chapter Nine**

_Previously…_

"_This is embarrassing. I dreamt about the day that Alexis was stabbed, only this time it wasn't her, it was you. I don't even know why my brain went there, but…I guess it's just we've been spending so much time together it just went there. I'm sorry for waking you up."_

"_No, that's okay. I've had those type of dreams before so I know how it can help to talk to someone about them. So don't apologize."_

"_Thanks, Kate." She could tell that he was much calmer than he had been when she first picked up the phone. While she was sad that he was having the dreams, the fact that he was dreaming of __**her**__ made her feel a little giddy. _

"_Sure, Rick. You going to be okay?"_

"_Yeah. I'll see you tomorrow, bright and early."_

_She smiled, looking forward to it. "Okay. Night, Castle."_

"_Good night Detective."_

xxxx

The book was amazing, but it was different than it was the first time. She'd had it now for two days and had read it twice. She had been desperate to read his words again. _Heat Wave_ had the same plot as before, but it had minor differences from the first edition. It was still just as good but it had felt weird to read something so similar but so different.

As she walked into the precinct after her weekend off, she found Castle sitting in his chair looking dejected. The look on his face was so sad, so defeated that she wanted to hold him in her arms and never let go.

"Morning, Castle. Something wrong?" she asked, greedily grabbing the coffee that sat on her desk.

He cleared his throat and looked up at her, giving her a small smile that didn't reach his eyes. "Morning, Detective." _Well that wasn't an answer to my question, _Kate thought.

Deciding to let it go for now, she sat down at her desk, powered on her computer and checked her email. After combing through the emails that had come in over the weekend, she turned her attention to the mounds of paperwork that littered her desk. Sighing internally, she grabbed the top folder, settled herself into a comfortable position, and started her day.

After a few minutes, Castle said, "Meredith is in town."

Looking up from her file she looked at him as if he had grown a second head. "Meredith?" she asked, stupidly. Her brain wasn't functioning properly. All she could think about was 'deep fried Twinkie". Though admittedly he didn't look like he had just come from a session of mind blowing sex. It was then that she remembered him mentioning Meredith's response, or lack thereof, to Alexis' death.

"Is this the first time you've seen her since Alexis died?" she asked softly.

"Yeah. When Alexis died, I tried to contact her. She never called me back. I tried everything to get her here so that she could be there when we laid our baby to rest, you know? But nothing. All I got was silence. You know, I forgave her when she cheated on me after Alexis was born and then left soon after that. At that point I was glad we didn't get married, but I still expected her to want to be a mother to her child. But she didn't want to. After she left we never heard from her again. I could forgive that because I had Alexis and had to focus on her and not my anger, you know? But not caring that your daughter died? That is something I don't think anyone could forgive."

"What happened now?"

"She showed up yesterday," he replied, shaking his head, the anger in his eyes replacing the dejected look he'd had when she walked in. "She showed up, wanting to stay with me. Thinking that I'd just take her in, pick up where we left off 10 years ago. There was no way that was going to happen. I called a car for her and sent her to the Four Seasons. I guess her being here has dredged up memories I thought I had buried deep, you know?"

"I'm sorry, Rick. I know that confrontation couldn't have been easy for you."

He gave her a genuine smile and patted her hand with his before withdrawing back to his own space. "I don't even know why she's here. I mean what does it matter? I care nothing for her anymore. I'll always be grateful that she gave me Alexis, for whatever short amount of time, but that's it. I guess it's just with the anniversary coming up in a couple weeks, which is always a tough time for me, and now this, it just got to me."

"It's understandable," she said. Kate started to say something else, but before the words could leave her mouth her phone rang. Shaking her head to get back into business mode, she picked up the device and answered, "Beckett." She listened for a minute, while giving Castle an apologetic look. She jotted down the address the dispatcher had given her and hung up the phone.

"We have a body," she said, standing and collecting her coat. She turned to the boys, who had been entrenched in their own stacks of paperwork and repeated the call and the address.

xxxx

In the car, Kate exclaimed, "I forgot! Castle I read your book!"

"Already? How'd you like it?"

"Actually it was so good…I kinda read it twice this weekend," she said shyly, unable to contain the blush that rose to her cheeks.

Instead of looking smug he just gave her a genuine smile and said, "Yeah? I'm glad you liked it."

"Did you have to end it on a cliff hanger?"

"Well… I didn't have to, and in fact, I wasn't going to, but I figured I had a better chance of getting a multi-book deal if it looked like I had more story to tell. It's manipulative, but if it lets me keep writing Nikki for a few years I don't really care."

She smiled over at him then returned her focus to the road, trying to get herself in detective mode. She wondered how this crime would differ this time around. She remembered this case vividly because of the first Richard Castle's exploits with the Deep Fried Twinkie. She also remembers how he had come very close to kissing her after saving her life for the first time. God she wanted him to kiss her.

Arriving at the crime scene they got out and made their way inside the abandoned warehouse where Lanie was hunched over a body. As before, there was a bowl of blood above the victim's head, and other ritualistic markers surrounding the body.

"Hey that's Vodun!" Castle said excitedly.

"What?" Esposito asked, looking up at the author for the first time.

"Look in his mouth. There should be a small medallion of some sort in there," Castle said, looking more excited. Despite how morbid it seemed, Kate loved that this Richard Castle could still get excited over a mystery even with what he had been through.

Esposito opened the victim's mouth and found a rag and a medallion that had been apparently shoved in there by the killer.

"How did you know?" Ryan asked.

"Research for the sixth Derrick Storm novel," Castle replied, looking over at Kate, who smiled knowingly.

xxxx

"I cannot believe you made me eat that," Kate complained later. Castle had called in a Vodun expert who had also brought lunch. Kate had completely forgotten about the food, and had made the same mistake she had made the first time. She had been so focused on finding the differences with their current case that she didn't recognize the taste of the food until it was too late.

"What? You liked it," Castle said smugly.

"Until I found out what it was." They were making their way back to the precinct. So far the case had went exactly as it had the first time around, though the timing was a little off. She remembers getting a call about a second body during their lunch. That hadn't happened yet.

Once they got into the precinct, Beckett started to set up the murder board with the items they had so far. They were still waiting on the ID of their victim, so she could only add the pictures from the crime scene and the information they knew about the Vodun ritual.

She was in the middle of putting the finishing touches on the board when her cell phone rang.

"Beckett," she answered, walking back to her desk.

"We've got another one," Ryan's voice said.

_So there's my other body,_ she thought. "Okay. Text me the address, Castle and I will head out now."

xxxx

Darcy Cho was their next victim. After interviewing one of her co-workers, Jill Button, they had found a phone number that led them to an address of their first victim, whom they had identified as Jamal Buonsi.

"That was a lot of stairs," Castle complained.

"A little out of shape there, Castle?" She looked over, but instead of seeing him huffing and puffing like he had been her first time at this apartment building, she saw that he wasn't even out of breath.

"No, but even if I'm perfectly capable of climbing six flights of stairs, doesn't mean I like it."

"Ah," she said, leading the way to the room on the roof, where they suspected their victim lived.

After entering the room and finding it occupied, Castle found the candles and cloth that had been used in both murders. "Beckett, look at this," he said, calling her over.

"Whose bed is that?" She asked, looking around at the men in the room.

xxxx

Kate had found no differences in this case, everything had been exactly the same. She wondered if that was normal or if something was going to come out of left field to surprise her. As the case dragged on, she became more and more convinced that something was going to change. They were currently standing in the bullpen talking about their suspect, Charles Oni, who they had learned about from one of the guys who had lived at the same apartment as their first victim.

"City records show no vendor's licenses for Charles Oni on Canal Street," she said to Castle, who was leaning back on her desk studying the murder board for clues.

"Well, the guy's exploiting illegals. I doubt he's gonna use his real name," Castle said, running his hands through his hair.

"Clearly not. The apartment is owned by a "Robert Burnett." No listing in the Tri-State area and the address is a P.O. box in Jersey."

Ryan and Esposito walked up to where they were standing. "Yo, yo. Law firm's a dead end. They've never heard of anyone named Jamal Buonsi, and there was nothing suspicious in Darcy's client list," Esposito said dejectedly.

"That's great, because our suspect's never heard of Darcy Cho. We still have no idea what our two victims have in common," Castle said. Kate could tell he was losing faith that they would ever solve this case.

"Hey partner, we'll—" she interrupted by a uniform who was trying to restrain a visitor. Kate turned to the commotion and sighed.

"Excuse me, ma'am," the uniform said, trying to remain polite.

"No, I am not going to wait downstairs. Do you have any idea who pays your salary? Me and my taxes." Beckett dreaded this confrontation. She knew it wouldn't be the same as last time. She had been looking for differences, and now she was going to experience them first hand. Looking over at Castle, she decided she had to play it like she knew nothing of the woman who had just come barging into their bullpen.

"Is that...?"

"Yes," Castle said, putting his head in his hands. Kate could feel the grief and tension radiating off of his shoulders. All she wanted to do was wrap her arms around him and take away this pain. Then she wanted to turn her sights on the red headed tramp making her way towards them and make her understand exactly what happened to people who hurt her Castle. But she couldn't do that. Not without ruining everything she was working towards. She noticed that the boys had made themselves scarce as soon as they noticed the personal nature of the upcoming conversation.

They both turned towards the uninvited guest, just as Meredith said, "Kitten! Why didn't you tell me you were researching in a police station?"

"Meredith. What are you doing here," Castle asked, ignoring her question. He stood up and reared back his shoulders, as if seeking the strength he would need for the upcoming confrontation.

"Well I wanted to take you to lunch of course," she said, as if it were completely normal.

Castle barked out a laugh, while Kate just stood there shell shocked. She couldn't understand how this woman could come in here and pretend as if nothing had happened, as if everything was fine. "That's never going to happen, Meredith, and you know that. I told you that I never want to see you again. We were over before Alexis died, and that was cemented even more once our little girl left us; when you decided for the last time that she wasn't worth your time or attention. Now please, just go. Just go." Castle turned his back on her and walked away, heading towards the break room.

Kate still stood there. Her anger at the woman standing before her growing by the second. She knew it wasn't her place, but she couldn't help how she felt. Even though she wasn't in a relationship with Castle yet, she still felt protective of him. She loved him, and anyone who hurt him was going to have to go through her. So when Meredith made to follow Rick towards the breakroom, Kate stopped her with a hand on her shoulder.

"Leave him be," she said coldly.

"Oh, so you must be the cop tramp he's replacing me with," Meredith said snottily, looking Beckett over for the first time.

"First off all, I am not a tramp, I'm his partner," Kate replied, her anger rising, but her voice still calm and cold. Meredith snorted, clearly not caring what Kate said. "Second, and because of that, you need to leave, just like Rick asked you to. Don't you think you've hurt him enough?"

"You don't know him. You don't know me. You know nothing," Meredith spat, shaking Kate's hand off of her shoulder, still trying to make her way towards Castle and the breakroom.

Kate stepped in front of her and rested her hand on her gun, clearly making a statement that even Meredith could understand. "You're right, Meredith. I don't know you, and I don't care to. But I do know things about Rick. I know how much he misses Alexis; how her loss eats at his insides each and every day. I know how much it hurt him not to be able to give her a mother that could love her and be there for her, even though that wasn't his fault, it was yours. I know that even to this day he deals with the guilt of her loss, and that it is something that he struggles with constantly. I've learned how much it hurt him that you couldn't even spare a day to come to your daughter's funeral. And I also know how much he doesn't want you here now. So you need to leave. Get back on the plane and never come back. He doesn't want to see you ever again, and if you bother him, you'll deal with me," Kate finished fiercely, her eyes blazing and her breath coming in short, angry gasps.

Meredith gave her a look of utter hatred, but stalked off towards the elevators without another word. Kate let out a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves. When she felt like she could speak without tearing something apart, she turned to find her partner. She was surprised when she found him standing right behind her, only a foot away.

Kate blushed, her cheeks burning fiercely. She knew, she just knew, that he had heard every word she had just said to Meredith. The floor became very interesting just then. She couldn't look him in the eyes, not knowing what she would find there. This was too much too soon, she knew that. She hadn't meant to go all protective girlfriend on Meredith, but she just couldn't help it. The problem was she _wasn't_ Castle's girlfriend. She had been. She had been so much more. Now she worried that because of her outburst she would never be those things again.

"Kate," he said softly.

Steeling herself for the coming rejection, she finally looked up and met his eyes. He didn't look angry or embarrassed, or even sad. He was smiling. It was the soft smile that transformed his entire face, made his eyes twinkle. She loved that smile. It was the smile that he saved just for her.

"Listen, Rick," she started. He held up his hand to keep her from saying anything more

"It's okay, Kate. Thank you. I…uh…I appreciate the things you said. She seemed to listen to you more than she ever listened to me." He was looking at her funny, but she couldn't put her finger on it. Before she could say anything more, the boys interrupted them.

"Yo, we've got a lead. Apparently the purses are knock offs. We looked into it and have an address where we think the purses might have come from," Esposito said, handing Beckett a piece of paper with an address on it. "We've got a warrant on the way."

"Okay. Saddle up, we'll get going soon as the warrant gets here," Kate said, throwing Castle an apologetic look. Just like her previous time, they always seemed to be interrupted when they were about to have a moment that could move their relationship forward. She would have to have a talk with the boys to have them stop doing that. It was so damn annoying.

xxxx

After finally finding Charles Oni, the discovered their main suspect was a former warlord by the name of Mukhtar Baylor. The found the warehouse where Baylor had been hiding out. As before, they found the video camera which Baylor had bought from the electronics store across from Oni's counterfeit outfit.

There were differences, of course. For one, Castle came into the warehouse with them right off the bat. Kate wanted him with her. He had, as before, had a Writer bullet-proof vest made up. Another difference this time was that Meredith didn't call him in the middle of their assault on the warehouse, for which Kate was extremely grateful. She hoped the maddening woman would take Kate's words to heart and leave New York for good.

Besides those differences, however, the case was going exactly as it had before. They discovered, after watching the video from the camera, that Baylor was looking for other women who had bought the same purse as their second victim. He was searching for the passport he had made up for his brother, who would be killed unless he could get to the States. They also discovered, after making some intuitive leaps, that the only other person who had bought one of the purses was named Diana Edwards.

That led them to her apartment, just as it had before. Kate remembered vividly their encounter with Baylor the last time around, so this time she made sure that both she and Castle had their vests on before they made their way to the fourth floor where Edward's apartment was located.

"Diana Edwards! NYPD! Open up!" Kate shouted, knocking on the door.

"You want me to kick it down?" Castle asked hopefully.

"Maybe next time," she said, knocking on the door again. She remembered that last time she called him Kitten, but she wouldn't do that now, given the situation with Meredith. "NYPD!"

"Okay. Okay. Take it easy," they heard from the other side of the door, before it opened a crack. A young blonde woman squinted out at them, an annoyed look on her face.

Kate flashed her badge. "Detective Beckett. NYPD. Are you Diana Edwards?"

"Yeah."

Beckett pushed in through the door, with Castle right on her heels.

"Hey!" Diana shouted, rushing behind them, clearly wondering what the hell was going on.

"Is everything okay?" Kate asked, looking around, making sure Baylor hadn't beaten them to the apartment. It appeared empty.

"Fine," Diana said, her face scrunched up in a confused expression.

"We have a video surveillance of you purchasing a Chanel bag on Canal Street two days ago," Kate asked, looking the woman in the eyes. Castle was behind her looking around.

"Wow, I know you guys are cracking down on the knockoffs, but I-"

"Where's the bag?" Castle asked, coming up behind Kate and looking at Diana.

"Over there," she said pointing towards the kitchen counter.

Beckett and Castle made their way to where the purse sat on the counter. Kate picked up the bag and ripped the side of it open.

"Hey! What are you doing that for?" Diana shouted, outraged. However, after seeing the passport that Kate pulled out of the lining of the purse, she was more confused than angry. "What's going on?"

"You're very lucky," Castle said, giving her a look. Kate looked back at the young woman, knowing what happened next.

Kate knew that they would need backup, and she was still worried that something different was going to happen this time around, so she wasn't going to take any chances. She pulled out her phone, but before she could make the call, Baylor busted through the apartment's door and started firing shots at them.

Castle, seeing Baylor before her, knocked her to the ground, saving her life, just as he had done before. Even knowing that Baylor would show up, she had still been surprised. He was a few seconds earlier than he had been the previous time around, which accounted for her surprise. Breathing hard, Kate shouts at Diana to call 911 as the woman flees into the bedroom off to the side of the apartment. 

She and Castle took refuge behind the kitchen counter. She threw her gun up and returned fire as Baylor continued to shoot at them.

"Give me the passport!" Baylor shouted between sounds of his continued gun shots.

"Put down your weapon now!" Kate shouted back, pulling a spare clip out of her jacket. And reloading her weapon.

"Give me the passport!" He shouted again. At this point, Kate was wondering if Castle would take the initiative to save them again.

"Baylor, any minute now, this place is gonna be crawling with cops! Don't make things worse than they are!" Kate said loudly after firing off a couple more shots.

"Give me what I want and I walk away," Baylor said, still firing over their heads, shattering glass knickknacks Diana had decorated her apartment with.

"There's no way he lets us live," Castle said.

"Just stay down," she said through gritted teeth.

"You stay down," he said just as forcefully.

"I can't shoot him from down here."

"I know, I just don't want you to get shot," he said, softly. She melted a little at his tone. _Get it together, Kate, you can be a girl later,_ she thought, looking over the counter prompting Baylor to let lose another volley of gunfire.

"I can't see him," she said, ducking back down. She could hear Baylor changing magazines, getting ready to open fire again.

"He's moving," Castle said, listening hard.

"I've only got two rounds left. I need a clean shot. I've got to get eyes on him somehow." Nodding, Castle took out his phone, put it over his head and took a picture.

"I'm not playing games!" Baylor shouted, as Castle showed Beckett the picture of Baylor taking cover behind a column in the living room.

"I don't have an angle on him from down here," she whispered after looking at the picture.

"I will kill you both if you don't give me what I want!" Baylor shouted.

"Alright. When you shoot, he shoots. He'll be exposed. I'll set a distraction, then you take him out."

"Don't do anything stupid, Castle, you promised."

Castle pulled out a bottle of champagne from the nearby wine fridge, and began to start the process of uncorking it.

"You're gonna get yourself shot, and I can't deal with that. We'll find another way," she said. Though this is how it went down last time, she had a bad feeling about it now. She just felt like something was going to go wrong. Something that didn't happen last time when his distraction worked perfectly.

"I'll be fine if you make your shot count. I don't see another way out of this do you? Two bullets isn't enough to get past him, and we haven't called for backup yet, who knows if Diana called 911. So there might not be any help coming. If we're going to live, we have to do this," he said determinedly. "Ready?" he asked, shaking the bottle. _No,_ she thought, but nodded anyways.

"This is your last warning," Baylor said.

"Now!" Castle shouted, standing up and popping the cork. Beckett, taking advantage of the distraction manages to shoot Baylor twice in the chest, but not before he got off a couple shots of his own. 

She holstered her gun and then looked over to where she expected to see Castle standing. He wasn't there. "Castle?" She said rushing around the corner of the counter. "Castle!"

xxxx

**a.n.2. #SorryNotSorry for the cliff hanger. This chapter was getting way out of hand (4200 words) and the next part deserves to be on its own. It's big, trust me.**

**Please leave a review and let me know what you think of the story so far!**


	10. Chapter 10

**a.n. I totally forgot to do this last time. Thank you guys so much for all the kind reviews and alerts! You're all lovely and talented people, and you make my day. I make such a scene laughing like a 12 year old girl every time I get a review. I'd say it's embarrassing (especially since I'm a 30 year old dude) if I wasn't so damn happy. So thank you.**

**This chapter takes a hard left turn at the end, so I hope you don't hate where I left it. **

**Disclaimer: If I owned Castle, Season 8 would be in the bag. So would Seasons 9 through 20. It should never end. I want it all. Alas, I do not own Castle.**

**xxxx**

**Chapter Ten**

_Previously…_

"_I'll be fine if you make your shot count. I don't see another way out of this do you? Two bullets isn't enough to get past him, and we haven't called for backup yet, who knows if Diana called 911. So there might not be any help coming. If we're going to live, we have to do this," he said determinedly. "Ready?" he asked, shaking the bottle. No, she thought, but nodded anyways._

"_This is your last warning," Baylor said._

"_Now!" Castle shouted, standing up and popping the cork. Beckett, taking advantage of the distraction manages to shoot Baylor twice in the chest, but not before he got off a couple shots of his own._

_She holstered her gun and then looked over to where she expected to see Castle standing. He wasn't there. "Castle?" She said rushing around the corner of the counter. "Castle!"_

**xxxx**

"Castle!" Kate shouted as she fell to her knees. Looking him over for injuries as her heart threatened to explode. She saw the bullet lodged in his vest, right above his heart. _Thank god we wore our vests,_ she thought. Lightly slapping his face, she said, "Castle. Come on wake up, you're going to be fine."

He started to stir and his face scrunched up in pain. Opening his eyes he said, "Beckett? What happened?"

"You took a bullet, you idiot. I told you that you were going to get shot. Do you have any idea how much paperwork I'm going to have to do now?"

He looked down at his chest and spotted the bullet lodged in his vest. "Good thing I got this vest. Sorry about the paperwork. I'll help if I can," he said. She looked into his eyes and realized that he was being honest. _Well that's new. The old Richard Castle wouldn't touch paperwork with a ten foot stick,_ she thought.

"I'll hold you to that. Now let's take a look and see if you broke anything. Off with your vest and shirt," she said, gesturing to his chest as she spoke.

He sat up and stripped off both his vest and shirts. Kate held her breath. _Wow._ She couldn't help but stare. This Richard Castle was…buff. "Do you work out, Castle?"

He looked up, confused. "Huh?"

"Do you work out? That is not a writer's physique," she said, blushing.

"Oh. Yeah. I...uh…use exercise to calm my mind when I can't write. So what's the verdict, did I break anything," he said, drawing her attention to the bruise forming on the upper half of his chest.

Cautiously she reached her hand out and felt around the bruise, checking to see if any of the ribs underneath had any give to them. "They don't feel broken, so that's good. But it's going to hurt like hell." At first she had been distracted by his muscled chest, but as she calmed her nerves she spotted two scars just above his abdomen. "Are those…?"

He noticed where she was pointing. "Yeah. The knife was a military grade weapon and tore me up. Doctors said I shouldn't have lived, but I did," he said, as he started to put his shirts back on. "I wish that…" he shook his head and finished getting redressed.

"Wish what?" she said, not knowing if she wanted the answer.

"It should have been me. I know it would have been bad for her, but she should have lived, not me."

"Oh, Rick," she started, but what should she say? She knew he carried a lot of guilt around for what happened to his daughter. "I know you feel guilty, but it wasn't your fault, okay?"

He nodded, then stood up. He reached down for her hand and helped her up. Her breath caught again when their skin connected. Letting go of his hand quickly, as she didn't trust herself not to do something foolish like kiss him, she pulled out her phone and called dispatch to send CSU, the ME and backup. She learned that there were already units on the way due to a 911 call at the same address.

"We'll have company soon," she said. He nodded, then walked to the closed bedroom door and knocked.

"Diana, you can come out now, it's safe."

xxxx

After the boys arrived, she and Castle stood out in the hallway in front of Diana Edwards' apartment. The ME had already taken Baylor's dead body away, which is something that hadn't happened the first time around. She had been looking for the differences in this case, and she had found them. _It could have been so much worse, _she thought as she leaned back against the wall. She remembered standing in this exact same spot the time before. She had been so sure that Castle was going to kiss her. She had wanted him to kiss her, even then when she kind of hated him a little bit. She didn't hate him now.

"Thank you, Castle," she said, suddenly.

"For what," he asked, turning away from watching the CSU techs analyze the scene.

"Saving my life," she responded with a shy grin.

"We're partners, that's what partners are supposed to do, right?"

"Still. Thanks."

He gave her a small smile and said, "You're welcome, of course. Listen, want to grab some food? I'm starving. Guess I used up a lot of calories saving your ass," he said, smirking.

"Yeah. I figured you wouldn't last long before you started rubbing that in my face," she said, shaking her head.

"Seriously? Listen to that sentence. You said 'wouldn't last long,' then you said, rubbing that and face in the same sentence. How can a guy not say something inappropriate when you say stuff like that?"

"Most guys are mature."

He snorted as they started to walk back towards the elevator. "I'm plenty mature, thank you very much. And you notice, I didn't actually make the comment, I just pointed out how prone to misinterpretation your sentence was."

"Ahh. I see. So you were just doing your duty as, what exactly? The grammar police?"

"Nah. They wouldn't let me in the grammar academy because I'd outshine every single person there. It'd be embarrassing."

As they got in her car and started to make their way towards Remy's, they continued to banter back and forth. It wasn't the same as it had been before with the other Richard Castle. He still made her laugh, but it just seemed more grown up than it was before. She liked it.

"How's your chest," she asked as they pulled up to the diner.

"Sore, but I've felt worse. It'll be fine. Probably will put some ice on it when I get back to the loft," he said, running a hand over his chest.

"I'm sorry that that happened," she said, getting out of the car.

"Not your fault. I should've ducked. I'm an idiot. I'm just happy nothing worse happened. You would have had so much more paperwork if I hadn't been wearing the vest," he said, holding the diner's door open for her.

"Tell me about it."

When their meals arrived, their conversation fell off into a comfortable silence. She knew that this day had been hard on him, what with Meredith showing up and then taking a bullet. All she wanted to do was make all the pain go away, but she knew they weren't there yet.

"So you liked the book," he asked after finishing his shake.

"I loved it, it was fantastic. Probably the best thing you've ever written."

She could see the blush working its way up his neck and smiled, loving that he could have such a reaction to her words. "Thank you."

"What did your publisher think of it?"

"They like it a lot. Already working on language for a three book deal, though I'm not supposed to know about that. My agent has an inside source," he explained after seeing her face. "I…Since I'm going to keep writing Nikki, is it okay if I keep shadowing you?"

"Of course," she said, maybe a bit too eagerly. "We make a good team. How long do you think you'll stick around for?"

He shrugged. "It'll take me quite a while to write three full novels, and I won't start on the next one until I know for sure they want them, so I won't know for a while. But it could be a couple years. I always take some time between novels to think about the direction I want to go, especially with a new character. Say I start writing the next one in a couple months, it'd take me about a year and half to write the three, though most of that would be downtime, editing and such. Since Alexis died I've become a much faster writer. I thought that Black Pawn would pull a Patterson and have me write several books a year, but they seem to be okay with one a year from me." He looked down and cleared his plate of the last French fry, then looked back up at her. "I've thought about doing another series in tandem with the Heat series. It'd give me something to do in those down times when I'm waiting for editing to get done on my previous novel."

Finishing her own meal, she asked "Do you have any ideas for another series?"

"A couple. I've always wanted to do a Derrick Storm prequel series, which would explain more about his origin. Then I have an idea set about 500 years in the future."

"Jumping into Sci-Fi, Castle?"

"Maybe," he said, throwing her a grin, and calling for the check.

As they were leaving the diner, and preparing to go their separate ways, Castle asked, "Do you think I should have more than one vest made up?"

"Don't bother. I'm going to get you one of ours. You're not a cop, but you have that consultant's badge so it shouldn't be a problem. I'll ask Montgomery. If he says no then you can have another made up."

He nodded and gave her a smile. "I hope not to make a habit of getting shot. Just getting hit in the vest hurts like hell."

"I know," she said. "Please don't do it again. The paperwork is already going to be a bitch."

"Yeah, sorry. I'll help when I come in tomorrow if you want,"

"Sure." Stepping by the driver side door of her cruiser she turned back and said, "Thanks for dinner, Rick. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Have a nice evening detective," he said, waving as he made his way to a clear spot on the curb to call a cab.

xxxx

It had been on the back of her mind for weeks now, but she could no longer ignore it. She had been so focused on establishing - or at least laying the ground work for - a relationship with Castle that she thought she could just wait for a while until she could focus on it completely. But she had to do it now. It was distracting her and it needed to be out of the way so she could truly put her focus on what mattered: Castle.

She had to do this. She had to solve it. She just hoped that there wouldn't be any surprises waiting for her along the way. Bracken had to go down.

xxxx

**a.n.2. Don't think of it as a cliff hanger, think of it as set up for the next chapter. Review please.**


	11. Chapter 11

**a.n. Thanks to everyone who has left a review or hit the follow/fav button. You folks are awesome. I do a terrible job of responding to you individually, and I'm sorry about that. I still love each of you.**

**This one is one you guys aren't going to like all that much, though the end gives us all hope.**

**Disclaimer: Nope.**

**xxxx**

**Chapter Eleven**

_Previously…_

_It had been on the back of her mind for weeks now, but she could no longer ignore it. She had been so focused on establishing - or at least laying the ground work for - a relationship with Castle that she thought she could just wait for a while until she could focus on it completely. But she had to do it now. It was distracting her and it needed to be out of the way so she could truly put her focus on what mattered: Castle._

_She had to do this. She had to solve it. She just hoped that there wouldn't be any surprises waiting for her along the way. Bracken had to go down._

xxxx

That wasn't Bracken's voice on the tape. She'd listened to it several times now, and she had no idea who the man was ordering her mom's murder, but it sure as hell wasn't Senator William Bracken. _What the hell do I do now?_

There were other major differences too. Montgomery wasn't on the tape at all. Instead it was another unidentified male. The words however, were the same as they had been before. _Great. So now all I need to do is identify someone by their voice. That shouldn't be hard at all,_ she thought sarcastically as she sat in her living room, staring hopelessly at the tape deck she had used to play the tape. She'd had a plan. Listen to the tape after retrieving it, take it to 1PP's IA department due to Montgomery's involvement, finish the investigation as they had last time, and then arrest Bracken. It was simple.

Now she didn't know what to do. She had no idea who was behind her mother's murder. It had taken her over a decade to find that information the first time around, and while she at least had the proof she would need to take the bastard down, she had no identity. She was also having a really hard time imagining William Bracken as an innocent man. It was just too weird after knowing for years that he had been the one to order her mother killed.

Running a hand through her hair, she decided that she needed to get some sleep. It had just passed one in the morning and she was on call, so she had no idea how long she'd be able to sleep. Pulling the tape out of the deck, she walked into her office and locked it in the safe underneath the desk. She wasn't taking any chances.

After getting ready for bed and lying down, she stared at the ceiling thinking about where she should go next. Before closing her eyes, her thoughts turned to Castle and how he might be able to help her. All she wanted was him by her side. Always.

xxxx

"Beckett," she said, groggily answering her phone. Listening to Montgomery give her the address of a new crime scene, Beckett internally groaned. She hadn't slept well the last two weeks after discovering the tape and the differences it held over the last time around. Adding on top of that, she hadn't seen Castle for more than a couple hours that entire time, as he had been tied up in publisher meetings almost every day regarding his new book and the next contract. To put it simply she was miserable. She missed him. She hadn't had the chance to talk with him about any cases, let alone the tape she that could solve her mom's murder.

Jotting down the address of the crime scene, she took note that Montgomery hadn't said anything about a body. Instead he'd said they had a situation and that she'd been requested to help out with the case. Thinking back, she remembered that situation. It had ended with a little girl who had been kidnapped by her own mother. Groaning again, she hung up the phone and made her way into the bathroom, rubbing her hands over her eyes. As she went over the case from before in her mind, her thoughts came to rest on the FBI agent who had been assigned to the case: Will Sorenson.

_Oh God. _She remembered letting Will kiss her in the Candela's apartment during that case. She remembered Castle walking in on them. She remembered him being jealous. _God, I hope that doesn't happen this time. _

xxxx

She half expected Castle to not show up after how busy he had been these last two weeks. But there he was with a coffee for her in one hand and a bear claw in the other. Just as he was before.

"Montgomery called me and said you might need your partner this time. Sorry for not being there these last two weeks," He said, handing her the coffee and her breakfast.

"No problem, Castle. I know you have other responsibilities. I don't know what's going on with this one. The captain didn't say anything about a body, which is weird." Together they walked into the building and into an apartment on the first floor.

"Sir, what's going on?" Kate asked Montgomery as soon as she spotted him in the apartment.

"2 year old girl, named Angela Candela was reported missing by her parents around eight this morning."

"Where did they find the body," Castle asked.

"They didn't"

"This isn't a homicide?" Beckett asked.

"All we know is that the girl was taken."

"Okay, if it's not a homicide what am I doing here?" she asked, knowing exactly why she was here. She had already spotted Will Sorenson in the background talking to the parents of the little girl.

"The feebs directly requested you," Montgomery responded, looking at her knowingly. "You may even know the agent in charge."

"I see him, dammit."

"Kate, don't let your past get in the way of this one. We've got a little girl missing. You need to focus on that, alright?"

"Yes sir."

She bypassed her captain and made her way towards the waiting FBI agent, Castle following behind her as always. She expected him to ask what their past was, but as she had discovered with this new Richard Castle, he was much more reserved.

"Hello, Kate," Sorenson said, when they appeared in front of him.

"Hello, Will. How long have you been back?" She asked, not caring about the answer.

"Couple months."

She simply nodded. "Will, this is NYPD Consultant Richard Castle. Castle this is FBI Agent William Sorenson."

xxxx

"Kate?" Castle asked a few hours later, as they got back to the precinct.

"Yeah, Castle?"

"What's your history with Agent Sorenson? He didn't seem to like me that much and I don't think I did anything to deserve that."

Kate sighed as the elevator stopped at the fourth floor. "You didn't. He was jealous because he think you and I are together."

"So you two…"

"Yeah. Six months before he left me for a job in Boston."

"Sorry," he said, giving her a sympathetic glance as they approached Ryan and Esposito.

"Don't be. It wasn't meant to be. He wasn't the one, you know?" she said, turning her attention to her two colleagues. "So what do we have on the parents?"

"Theresa and Alfred Candela. Married 10 years, with the one child."

"That's quite a tie there, Detective Ryan," Castle said, smirking, causing the others to laugh.

"Yeah, yeah. It's a gift from my girlfriend." The tie is an obscene contortion of the color spectrum.

"Girlfriend?" Esposito asked. "You been holding out on me, bro? Since when do you have a girlfriend?"

"Hey, I date!"

"Guys!" Becket shouted, interrupting their argument before it could get started. Though she was really more amused than annoyed, a small smile tugging at the corner of her lips. "We have more important things to discuss than Ryan's new relationship, though gift giving is a big step in a relationship."

"Two weeks," Ryan said, holding up his hands. "Today is our two week anniversary."

"Ooh! Two weeks," Esposito teased. "Is that the paper or the silk?"

"Yeah, yeah, guys. Seriously. Angela Candela, two years old. Adopted."

Getting back on track, Beckett asked "Adopted?"

"Yeah. Two years ago right after her birth. Mom, is a fund manager at a big firm downtown, and the dad is a relatively unsuccessful small time artist. He seems to stay at home with the kid," Ryan said, holding out a folder for her to take with all the information he had just summarized.

xxxx

The case was nearly identical as it was the first time. The only details that were different had been the amount of money the kidnappers had asked for, $1 million instead of $750,000; and the fact that Theresa Candela didn't have a sister. She had a brother instead.

Castle was right about one thing, for sure, Sorenson hated him. Every time the author would open his mouth, the FBI agent would cut him off or make a disparaging remark. It was driving Kate crazy because there was no need for it. But she also needed to keep Will's head in the game. While he might be a jealous douchebag, he was still the best at this sort of thing. So when he and Castle got into a pissing match about their first suspect, she'd had enough. She not only needed to protect the case, she also needed to spare Castle from any more guff from the FBI agent.

"What do you want me to do?" Castle asked after she had sent the boys to check out Eller's alibi.

"I need you to go home, Castle. He's just going to keep trying to piss you off, and I can't have him distracted, okay?"

"I-" he started, but seemed to change his mind. Shaking his head he said, "Okay."

xxxx

After making a few phone calls and doing some background on Ellers, their suspect, she decides to go back to the Candela's apartment to wait for a call from the kidnappers and to check in with the parents. She's getting worried. While the case isn't exactly the same as it was before, events are still playing out very similar to how they did the first time around. _I need to stay away from Sorenson, _she thought, collecting her things.

Once she arrived at the apartment, she went into the kitchen and startled when she found Sorenson making himself a cup of coffee. Groaning to herself, the scene very familiar, she walked up to him.

"Hey," she said, unenthusiastically.

"Hey, yourself. Want a cup?"

"Sure."

"Ellers is a dead end," she said, taking a sip of the coffee he'd handed her. "He was at a Diner on East 62nd street."

"Too bad, would have made this much easier," he said, looking down into his coffee. "So what's going on between you and Castle?"

"Nothing." _Yet,_ she thinks, but doesn't say.

"So you're not together?" She really needed to put a cork in this conversation. She knows where it could lead and she doesn't want to take the chance that Castle could walk in and see them like he did last time. But she's out of ideas on how to stop this runaway train.

"No."

"I meant to call. I just…Didn't think you'd want to see me."

"You hurt me, Will, when you left. So you were probably right in not calling."

"Boston was a great opportunity."

"I know. But that's the choice you made. It was that or me and you chose the job. It was a long time ago anyways."

"I missed you, you know?" Forcing a smile, unable to believe that he still wasn't taking the obvious hint, she turned away from him, hoping to avoid what she knew would happen next. "I missed us. Sundays in the park. Those neon ice skates you used to take to Rockefeller Center. Those were ridiculous."

Turning back to him, but putting a little distance between them, she said, "Those skates are awesome."

"You're awesome," he said, getting closer and smashing his lips to hers.

"Oh! I'm sorry," Castle said, turning to leave just as Kate shoved Sorenson away. _Dammit! Just one time couldn't the differences this time around play in my favor? _She thought acidly.

"Castle!" But he was gone.

xxxx

He wasn't answering her calls. He wasn't at the loft (she had checked with Martha). He didn't own The Old Haunt yet. _Where the hell is he?_ She hadn't been able to extricate herself from Sorenson fast enough to catch him before he left the Candela's apartment. Deciding she needed to put an end to Sorenson's jealousy, she lashed out at him, telling him that they were over and that they wouldn't be getting back together.

Now she just had to find Castle. In a way this reaction gave her hope. If he was really so upset at seeing her kissing another man, he must be at least a little bit jealous. On the other hand, she really could have done without having to explain this to him now.

Finally giving up, she headed back to the precinct. There she found Ryan and Esposito who were still looking though the Candela's relations to see if there were any possible suspects.

"Hey, you guys seen Castle?" She asked, walking up to their desks.

"Yeah, he's in the gym, or at least he was. He came in and told us to check out the biological parents," Esposito replied.

Breathing a sigh of relief at having found her partner, she asked "The biological parents?"

"Yeah, apparently the mom or dad would have access to the adoption records, and might have decided to get their daughter back," Ryan said.

"Okay. That's a good idea. I'm going to go talk to Castle."

Sharing a look, Ryan and Espo went back to work.

xxxx

He was in the gym beating the hell out of a punching bag. Shaking her head at the physicality of this new Richard Castle, she approached him cautiously.

"Rick?"

Grabbing ahold of the bag to steady it, he looked at her. "Detective? Got a lead?"

"No. Well maybe the one you gave Ryan and Esposito. But that'll take some time. What are you doing down here," she asked, not really knowing how to approach this situation.

"Needed to clear my mind, so I decided to do this. It's what I do." He started to unwrap his hands, while walking over to a bench and grabbing a bottle of water.

"You know it didn't mean anything, right?"

"What?" he asked, the confusion showing on his face.

"That kiss. He kissed me, I pushed him away."

"You don't have to explain yourself to me, Kate. You're an adult, and we're not together, so kiss whoever you want."

"I want to kiss you," she said, before she could stop herself.

xxxx

**a.n.2. I promised myself that I wouldn't end on a cliff hanger. I lied even to myself. But dammit, there was no good place to end it, and what comes next deserves its own chapter. I hope that you guys won't kill me. Remember, murder is against the law.**

**Reviews are much appreciated. Please let me know what you think. Also send along your hate mail. I can take it.**


	12. Chapter 12

**a.n. Two chapters in two days. Don't get used to this.**

**People did not like that kiss in the last chapter. I hope…I hope that you'll see why I did it in this chapter. This one is short, but sweet.**

**Disclaimer: Nathan Fillion has signed on for season 8. There is hope people! No I do not own Castle or there wouldn't have ever been any doubt. **

**xxxx**

**Chapter Twelve**

_Previously…_

_He was in the gym beating the hell out of a punching bag. Shaking her head at the physicality of this new Richard Castle, she approached him cautiously. _

"_Rick?"_

_Grabbing ahold of the bag to steady it, he looked at her. "Detective? Got a lead?"_

"_No. Well maybe the one you gave Ryan and Esposito. But that'll take some time. What are you doing down here," she asked, not really knowing how to approach this situation. _

"_Needed to clear my mind, so I decided to do this. It's what I do." He started to unwrap his hands, while walking over to a bench and grabbing a bottle of water._

"_You know it didn't mean anything, right?"_

"_What?" he asked, the confusion showing on his face._

"_That kiss. He kissed me, I pushed him away."_

"_You don't have to explain yourself to me, Kate. You're an adult, and we're not together, so kiss whoever you want."_

"_I want to kiss you," she said, before she could stop herself. _

xxxx

Immediately she knows she's shocked him into speechlessness. His eyebrows shoot towards the top of his head, and he opens and closes his mouth as if he's trying to say something but the words just won't come. He flops down on the bench, still looking at her with a shocked expression.

Finally he looks down at his hands then back up at her. "You do?"

Sighing, wondering how the hell they ended up here, she sat down next to him. _God Kate! You knew Sorenson was going to kiss you and you let it happen anyway. Idiot!_ Deciding that the only thing she could tell him was the truth she said, "Yes."

"What does that mean," he asked, the confusion showing on his handsome face.

"Well usually it means doing things with lips and tongues," she said, smirking.

Frowning he said, "I know that. What I mean is that all you want to do? What do you want, Kate?"

_He is so not ready for that answer,_ she thought, still thinking about what she could say that would move them forward without ruining any chance they could have at being something more.

Before she could say anything he was talking again. "I mean do you want a relationship? Or is it just about sex? Or do you just want to kiss me?"

Deciding it would be better to turn the tables she threw the question back at him. "What do you want?"

"I feel like I'm talking to my therapist," he muttered, looking away from her. Running a hand through his hair, he said "I don't know. I…I have…ah hell."

"Very elegantly said, especially for a famous author," she teased.

Scowling at her, he bumped her shoulder with his. "Stop, this is serious."

"Right, sorry. I –"

"I'm not there yet, Kate," he interrupted.

Looking up at him, "What do you mean?"

"After Alexis died, I closed myself off. I don't know how to explain it. I guess I built a wall around my heart so that I could never get hurt again." _God that sounds familiar,_ Kate thought acidly. _God! I hate walls! _"But…you…" he sighed, squeezing his eyes shut, apparently trying to gather his thoughts. "Kate you are extraordinary. You deserve so much more than I could ever give you. I'm a broken shell of who I used to be, and I don't know if or when I'll ever be the whole person I want to be. I've been working on it. I've been seeing a therapist for, hell going on six years now. I don't know that I'm any closer to being who I want to be than I was when I started."

"Rick," she said, grabbing his hand. "You don't get to decide what I deserve. I know we haven't known each other for very long, but I really, really like you, and I want to see where we could go if we tried to be _more._ If you don't want to because you don't feel the same, or if you aren't ready, that's fine, but…I think it's best that you know where I stand." _God, that was hard to say,_ Kate thought. She and Castle in her previous time had never talked like this. _Maybe if we had, I wouldn't have had so many regrets._

Looking at her again, he said tentatively, "I do feel the same way. I…I think that…no, I know that I'm falling in love with you, and it scares the living daylights out of me. I don't know if I'm ready to do anything about it yet, though I want to…I want to be."

Kate couldn't help the huge grin that spread on her face, even if she wanted to. _He's falling in LOVE with me! _"I will wait for you, Rick. As long as you need."

"It's not fair," he said, looking away again.

"You are worth waiting for," she said, bringing her hand up to his face and pulling him back to face her. "You are worth it."

Before she could say anything else, he pressed his lips to hers. Shocked, she did nothing for a second before she kissed him back, wrapping her arms around his neck and trying to pull him closer. His tongue slid along her lower lip, seeking permission. Kate moaned and opened her mouth, remembering their first kiss. All too soon he pulled away and gave her a smile that could light up Manhattan.

Leaning back in for another kiss, Kate was interrupted by Ryan who asked, "Are we interrupting something," Kate groaned. Every. Single. Time.

xxxx

**a.n.2. I know it's short. But that's not really a cliff hanger, so that's good right? Leave a review.**


	13. Chapter 13

**a.n. Three chapters. Three days. For those of you who complained about the length of the last chapter, here's a nice long one for you. **

**This one is hard to read in spots. Lots of angst, but lots of Caskett too, so read on.**

**Disclaimer: nope.**

**xxxx**

**Chapter Thirteen**

_Previously…_

_Before she could say anything else, he pressed his lips to hers. Shocked, she did nothing for a second before she kissed him back, wrapping her arms around his neck and trying to pull him closer. His tongue slid along her lower lip, seeking permission. Kate moaned and opened her mouth, remembering their first kiss. All too soon he pulled away and gave her a smile that could light up Manhattan._

_Leaning back in for another kiss, Kate was interrupted by Ryan who asked, "Are we interrupting something," Kate groaned. Every. Single. Time._

xxxx

_Dammit!_ "Yes! What do you need, guys," she asked, turning to the boys who had smug grins plastered on their faces. _They're doing my paperwork for the next month,_ she thought, narrowing her eyes. '

"We've got the information on the biological parents, the mom will be here in the morning. We're heading out," Esposito said, the grin still on his face.

"Thank you," she said, the irritation evident in her voice. "See you guys tomorrow."

"Bye," they said, walking out of the gym, but not before sharing knowing looks.

Sighing at their lost moment, Kate turned back to Castle who was smiling at her. "They really have bad timing, don't they," he asked, his eyes twinkling.

"Yes. Makes me want to shoot them sometimes," she said, laughing.

"That was amazing," he said, taking her hand.

"I assume you're talking about the kiss, and not the interruption," she asked cheekily.

"No, the interruption of course. That's what I was talking about," he replied sarcastically.

She smiled and gave his hand a squeeze. "It was amazing," she said. "So what now?" She was fearful of his response. She knew from what he'd said that he wasn't ready for a relationship. But then he had kissed her. So where did they stand now? Where did they go from here?

He takes in a deep breath, clearly thinking about what he should say next. "I said that I'm not ready. It's true. But it's…I don't know, it's not right of me to kiss you then ask you to wait a year while I get my shit in order. So maybe…"

He goes silent for a while so she prods him, "maybe?"

"Maybe we can date. We need to take it slow, and I'm not saying that I'm not going to freak out on you at some point, but I will promise to try this."

"You want to go out on a date?"

He nods. "You know, me in a fancy suit, you a sexy dress, a nice restaurant, a goodnight kiss at your door afterwards. That sort of thing. I don't know where we'll go with it yet, and I know we have to go slow, but I want this so much that I'm willing to try, even if I might not be ready for it."

"Why, Rick? I will wait for you if you want to wait. I said I would and I will."

"Because the truth is, Kate, I might never be ready. Or at least I might never feel like I'll be ready. Like I said, I've been in therapy trying to get back to myself for six years, and I don't know if there has really been any progress. What if in another six years, you're still waiting and I'm still not ready. That's not fair to either of us. The only thing in life I know for sure is that life is short and that it might be taken from you at any time. We've both learned that from our pasts. So, while I might not feel ready to do this, I know that I can't waste time if it's what we both want."

Smiling at him, she said, "Wow."

"Yeah. My speeches will often leave you without words," he said, chuckling.

"Right."

"Friday?"

"For what?"

"Date night?"

"Sure. Pick me up at 7."

xxxx

_The next day (let's call it Thursday for shits and giggles)…_

The biological parents were a dead end. While good suspects, they both had alibis. Sorenson wasn't talking to her about anything but the case. Though, Kate had to admit, that was perfectly fine with her. She still saw him countless times throwing dirty looks at Castle.

Finally, as they started making their way to the Candela's apartment to arrange the money drop, Kate had enough. Before they got onto the elevator at the precinct she pulled Sorenson aside and into the breakroom.

"You need to stop treating him like shit."

"Who," he asked, playing dumb.

"Castle. He's my partner. You and I are over. You need to stop being a douchebag, and work this case. Your immaturity is affecting your ability to do the job. I will not lose another kid because you're too obsessed with getting into my pants. Now knock it off." With that she stalked out to the elevator where her partner was waiting and pressed the down button.

"Everything okay?" Castle asked.

"Fine."

Obviously choosing to stay silent, despite the fact that she knew he could tell she was lying they made their way down to the first floor and to her car, on their way to arrange the money drop to get a little girl back to her parents.

xxxx

"The kidnappers asked for one hundred packs of hundred dollar bills with non-sequential serial numbers and also warned against bait money, dye packs, and trackers," said a FBI tech who had been present when the ransom call had come in.

"What were the drop instructions," Kate asked, as she, Castle and Sorenson stood nearby the parents who were packing up the money into a backpack.

"Said they'd call us," the tech replied.

"All right, let's finish getting it packed up, and get set up to make the drop." Sorenson said, and then turned to give some of his people instructions.

"We should ask for proof of life," Castle said, before Sorenson could get too far.

"We will," he snapped. "When they call back. Don't tell me how to do my job."

Giving Sorenson a dirty look, Kate turned to the parents, hoping that Castle would do the same.

"Why didn't they tell us where to take the money?"

"They're testing us. We'll need to do the same, which is when Agent Sorenson here will make sure your little girl is alive," Kate responded.

"What if they won't give proof?" Alfred asked.

"How can you ask that," his wife asked him accusingly.

"I…"

"You think she's dead?"

"NO!"

"This is all your fault. I should never have left her with you. You're a terrible father!" She yelled and then stormed off towards another room.

Before she could get too far, the phone rang, making the mother freeze in the tracks. "Mrs. Candela," Kate said, walking towards her, "we need you to get your emotions under control and take this call. It's important."

Beckett guided her over to the FBI tech's table where the phone lay ringing. "Come on," she said.

"Remember, no proof, no money! We can't take no for an answer on that." Nodding at the mother and the FBI tech monitoring the phone line, he said "Alright here we go."

"Hello?"

"Listen carefully," a scrambled voice said over the speaker. "Any deviation from our demands and your daughter will die."

"I understand," Mrs. Candela said.

"A civilian, not a cop, must make the drop or we kill the girl. We see the police or the FBI and she dies. Do you have the money?"

"Yes. $1 million. Like you said."

"Put it into the backpack and bring it to the northeast corner of 1st Ave and 47th. There is a mailbox there with a cell phone taped underneath. We'll text that phone further instructions once you pick it up. When we have the money, we'll give you directions to the girl."

"Ask for proof that she's okay!" Beckett whispered into Theresa's ear.

"You won't get anything unless I know she's alright!" There's a silence on the line before they all hear some shuffling.

"Mama?"

"Hi, baby!"

Before the little girl can say anything else, the scrambled voice comes back and says "You have one hour."

xxxx

They move into the living room to make preparations for the drop.

"Once they have the cash there's no incentive to keep her alive. So I'll make the drop. We'll put our people one block out from the mailbox," Sorenson said looking around at the group.

"No. They said no cops," argues Alfred.

"I've done this before. They won't know I'm an FBI agent," he soothed.

"And if they do?"

"Mr. Candela, we need this to go as smoothly as possible."

"She's my daughter. I will be following their instructions to the letter. I'm not going to put her in any more danger than she already is. They said no cops, so there will be no cops," he shouted forcefully. "I will do this. Do I make myself clear?"

Kate dreaded where this conversation was going. She knew what would happen next, even if she tried to steer it away. She had a really bad feeling about this.

"No. We can't send the father. Too many things could go wrong. Way too emotional," Sorenson said, shaking his head.

"What choice do we have?" Beckett asked.

"Me," Castle said from behind them, where he had been standing silently. He'd not said anything since Sorenson had lashed out at him before the phone call.

Closing her eyes against it, hoping would just all go away, she said, "You sure, Castle?"

"Yeah. I'm not a cop, as Agent Sorenson has so rightly pointed out many times over the last two days, and I can control my emotions enough to do this."

"No. Absolutely not," Sorenson said adamantly.

"The NYPD already has signed forms from me. And you don't have enough time to find someone else. This little girl is not going to die because of your dislike and distrust of me," Castle said, his shoulders straightening.

"He can do this, Will. He's been through tough situations before. He's our only option," Beckett said, looking at her ex.

xxxx

"These people are dangerous, Rick. So you have to be careful. Stay alert and focused," Beckett said, tightening up his vest after the FBI tech wired him up. "You can't go get yourself shot. We've got plans Friday night, you hear? And I expect you to be on time."

"I'll be okay, Kate. I know what it's like to lose a child, I'm not going to do anything that can get their little girl killed. And I'll stay safe. I promise."

"Okay. Well let's gets ready to go. Be careful."

"I will."

xxxx

Kate watched from the front seat of Sorenson's vehicle as Castle approached the mailbox. For some reason her nerves were on high alert, despite what she knew happened next. _At least I think I know,_ she thought. "I'm approaching the mailbox," Castle aid over the radio.

"He's quite a guy," Sorenson said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"What do you mean?"

"Well you obviously like him a lot more than you let on, so he's made an impression on the ice queen."

Scowling at him, she returned her attention to Castle. "Can we just focus please? And remember what I said about not being a douchebag?"

She watched as Castle leaned over and started to search underneath the mailbox for the phone.

"Guys?"

"Yeah, Castle?" Beckett said, noticing the concern in her partner's voice.

"The phone isn't here."

xxxx

Kate knew something had felt off. Something was completely different this time than it was last time. After searching the area around the mailbox, they had come up empty. They had no idea why the phone wasn't where it was supposed to be. It was Castle who had posited a theory.

"What if someone saw the kidnapper place it there, and took it. It's not a terrible part of town, of course, but this is still New York City. People steal phones all the time."

"That has to be what happened," Beckett said. "But what happens now? We need to find whoever took Angela. Like right now!"

"We have no leads, Beckett," Sorenson points out, unhelpfully. "We need to regroup and see if the kidnappers call again. Hopefully they aren't really interested in killing the kid."

"Is that what we do," Castle said sarcastically. "We hope?"

"It's all we can do! What do you want from me?" Sorenson shouts at Castle, getting in his face.

Castle backs away, obviously not willing to engage the FBI agent further.

"Come on," Beckett said, exasperated. "We should go back to the Candela's and tell them the news."

xxxx

"You can find the little girl's body near the Central Park North entrance to Central Park. You should have never jerked me around," the scrambled voice said on a phone call they received not 15 minutes after they got back to the Candela's apartment.

Beckett's blood turned to ice as she listened to the recording again, knowing that this was all her fault. _If I hadn't been sent back, Angela would still be alive. So would Alexis. This is all my fault._

After receiving the phone call, they had sent Ryan and Esposito to the scene to see if the kidnapper had been telling the truth. They were waiting on the boys to call it in, while Castle tried to console the parents who were both dealing with this latest news as only parents would.

Beckett sat watching him interact with the parents, soothing them, telling them not to jump to conclusions until they knew for sure. At that moment, she fell a little bit more in love with him, despite the desperate situation.

She was pulled from her thoughts by her phone. Grabbing it with a shaky hand, she said "Beckett."

"We found her. She's dead," Esposito said, his voice defeated.

Closing her eyes against the sudden rush of tears and grief, she said, "We'll be right there, Espo." Hanging up, she went over to where Sorenson was leaning against the window, watching Castle.

"She's dead," Beckett told the FBI agent. "We should go to the scene. You should break it to the parents." Without waiting for a reply, not wanting him to see her so vulnerable, she walked over to Castle and said, "Rick we need to go, Sorenson needs a moment." She wanted to spare Rick from seeing the parents receiving the news.

Seeing the look on her face, Castle followed her out of the apartment. "Kate?"

Taking a breath, she turned towards him as they exited the building. "They killed her, Rick. Sorenson is telling them now. It was his case, it should come from him."

"God. How could this have gotten so messed up?" He asked, tears in his eyes.

"I don't know. But we'll get the bastard who did this. Do you want to help? Or do you want to go back in there?" she asked, pointing to the building.

"I'll help. Let's go."

xxxx

It was the brother. He was jealous of all his sister had given her husband and wanted it for himself. When the kidnapping drop went wrong, he had lost it and killed Angela Candela. After canvasing the crime scene, they had found a street cam which showed the brother leaving the phone underneath the mailbox. There was no evidence that either of the girl's parents had anything to do with the kidnapping this time around.

After making the arrest, Castle had excused himself for the day. He had been extremely helpful after getting to the crime scene; driven to find the monster who had killed the little girl. But he had been quiet about it. She could tell that the case had unsettled him. She had tried a couple times to comfort him, but he'd said he was fine and went back to work. He had left the precinct too fast for her to try again, so she just sat down and started to work on the paperwork.

She was interrupted by someone sitting in Castle's chair. Looking up, expecting her author, she was met instead by a harried looking Will Sorenson.

"Hey," he said somberly.

"Hey."

"Listen. I'm sorry about…you know. I acted like a jealous teenager all case. I just hope my attitude didn't get this little girl killed. I don't think I could handle that."

Sighing, she looked over at him. "It's not your fault, Will. Someone stole the phone. We saw them do it on the surveillance cam. There was no way you could have foreseen that."

Taking a deep breath he said, "I know. Listen. It was good working with you again. And for what it's worth, I hope you two are happy together." He stood up, offered his hand, which she shook, and then walked to the stairwell and disappeared.

xxxx

_The next evening (Friday)…_

Castle hadn't come into the precinct that day, though he had texted to confirm their date. Around five o'clock, Kate packed up her things and headed to her apartment to get ready for their night out. She was nervous. She and Castle in her previous time had never really dated. She had just shown up at his door one night and issued her proclamation. The rest was history.

So she didn't really know what to expect from a real first date with Richard Castle. She decided, once she got home, that she would dress to impress.

After arriving home, she showered and got out the slinkiest black dress she owned. It was classy while still showing enough skin that he'd not be able to take his eyes off of her all night.

After making sure she was ready, she headed out to her living room, and turned on the TV, hoping to distract herself from the nerves.

It didn't work.

xxxx

At 7 he knocked at her door. Smiling, because she had missed him after not seeing him for a while 24 hours, she got up and opened the door for him.

"Hey, Rick," she said, looking him over. He looked amazing. Dressed in a dark black suit with a blue shirt and a blue and gray striped tie, he cut quite the figure.

"Hey. You look…Amazing, Kate."

Blushing she said, "Thanks. You look pretty good yourself, Castle."

"Oh, these are for you. Kind of first date tradition, you know?" He handed her a bouquet of purple roses.

"They're beautiful. How did you know purple was my favorite color?" she asked, moving aside so he could come in, then making her way to the kitchen to find a vase to put the flowers in.

"Just a lucky guess," he said, looking around her apartment, no doubt cataloguing the contents for use in a future Nikki Heat book.

"Castle? How did you know?"

"You have a favorite leather jacket. It's purple, so I made a leap."

"Ah," she said, putting the flowers in the vase after cutting off the stems. "Ready to go?"

"Yeah."

"I didn't get to see you today, you doing okay? I know that case hit you pretty hard."

"Yeah. I just needed to step away for a little while. I'll likely take this weekend off too. That one just hit a little close to home."

"We don't have to go out tonight if you don't want. We can stay in," she said, not wanting to pressure him into doing something he wasn't feeling up to.

"No. It'll be good to get out. And to tell you the truth, I'm looking forward to it. I haven't been out on a real first date since college, and most of those didn't go that well."

"Oh, I'd like to hear some of those stories," she said as they made their way down to the first floor after closing up her apartment.

"I'll tell you some of them. Some were just bad. But I'll gladly let you make fun of my immature days."

"Good. Now where are we going?"

"Nah uh, it's a surprise."

xxxx

Needless to say, she was surprised. She had expected the restaurant to be nice, maybe not glitzy, but she hadn't expected the small out of the way Italian place they had ended up. It was nice, but it felt more Mom-and-Pop than she would have expected for a first date. She loved it.

"God, Rick, this place looks amazing."

"I've known the owners of this place since I was in middle school. Mama Rosa treated me as one of her own. She and her husband knew my mom from way back. When we moved back to the city when I turned 14, they reconnected and she introduced me to them. I do have to admit, you're the first woman I've ever brought here, so you'll likely be interrogated quite thoroughly."

"Mama Rosa is protective of you is she?" Kate asked as they found a table and sat down across from one another.

"Oh, yeah. I come here once a month, usually with mother. And she always asks me," Rick alters his voice to talk in a high pitched old-lady Italian accent, "Ricky, when you gonna find a nice girl to settle down with? You're too old to be alone, my boy!"

Kate laughed, imagining the scene, knowing how uncomfortable that must make him each time he hears it. "So what, she's going to assume I'm that one," Kate asked before she could stop herself.

"Oh yeah. She'll start planning the wedding and start making a list of possible baby names. Just be prepared to deflect, and you'll be fine. Ah, here she is," he said, looking behind her.

"Ricky! My boy!" Mama Rosa shouted as she came up to their table. "How are you," she asked as she pinched his cheeks.

"I'm good, Mama Rosa. How are you? How's Frank?"

"I'm fantastic! Frank's off on one of his fishing trips. Man couldn't catch a fish to save his life. Now who is this lovely young flower?"

"Mama Rosa, this is Detective Kate Beckett, Kate this is Mama Rosa."

"Nice to meet you, Mama Rosa," Kate said, as the older woman leaned down and kissed both of her cheeks.

"You didn't tell me that you were dating, Ricky! It's about time you found the one!" Rosa said, smacking Rick's cheek.

"Mama Rosa, please don't embarrass me any more than you already have," Rick said, blushing furiously.

Scowling at him, Mama Rosa said, "When have I ever embarrassed you, Ricky? I've known you since you were a little freckle faced boy."

"Ah, yes, how could I forget the freckles?"

"And don't forget the pimples, Ricky."

"Oh, God. This was a mistake."

Kate couldn't stop laughing. She didn't want to laugh at him, but she had never met Mama Rosa in their previous time. She wonders if this is another change or if the previous Castle had never introduced them. "Was it bad, Rick?" she asked between giggles.

"Don't you start, Beckett. I'll ask Ryan and Esposito for embarrassing stories about you."

"They wouldn't tell you."

"Sure they would. Esposito would tell me anything for a ride in the Ferrari. For sure."

"Not a chance."

"Alright. Mama Rosa, we'd like The Special."

"Oh, romantic! She must mean a lot to you, Ricky."

"What's the Special," Kate asked.

"It's a traditional Italian meal. You'll love it."

"I'll get them to bring it right out, Ricky." Turning to Kate, Mama Rosa said, "Don't you hurt him, Kate. If you do you will be dealing with me."

"Don't worry, Ma'am. I'll treat him right. I promise."

xxxx

Dinner was fantastic. The food was delicious, and the company was extraordinary. Rick told her several embarrassing stories from his past, stories that he hadn't told her before. She in turn told him more about her mother and father and her time growing up in the city. She couldn't ever remembering having such an amazing first date.

As they made their way out of the restaurant, after saying goodbye to Mama Rosa, Rick took her hand and said, "Feel like a walk?"

"Sure." She didn't want this night to end. Ever.

"I had a really good time tonight, Kate. I was really worried about it. I didn't know what to expect, and I admit I wasn't really ready for it. But I'm glad that we took this step. Even with all those stories Mama Rosa told you."

"I had a good time too. I liked learning more about you."

"Yeah, I'm sure you did. If any of those stories get back to Ryan and Esposito, I'll never speak to you again," he threatened.

"I wouldn't tell them anything. I promise," she said, giving his hand a squeeze as they walked towards her apartment.

"So what do we call this? Do we tell anyone?"

"Rick, I…I'm going to follow your lead. We can go at whatever pace you want. I'm just happy we're here together, honestly. Labels and announcements can come later if you want."

He smiled over at her. "I won't hold us back too long, Kate. After tonight I feel more ready for us than I did before. We'll work on it together."

Smiling back at him she said, "That sounds good." She stopped and tugged on his arm, pulling him close. She leaned forward, their heights similar because of her heels, and kissed him like she had wanted to do all evening. God she loved kissing him. She just loved him.

xxxx

**a.n.2. No Cliffy! Hoo-Ray!**

**So a couple things. I know that getting them together this soon might seem to be rushing things. But I think that it'll work better with what I have planned from a drama standpoint. **

**Second, I have a word for Guest reviewers. If you're going to leave a negative comment, have the balls to log in so I can respond. Don't be a coward.**

**For the rest of you, you're all amazing people. Leave some more reviews.**


	14. Chapter 14

**a.n. So, yeah, this happened. I get them happy and then BAM! Angst-athon ahead. You've been warned.**

**Thanks to all of you who have sent along your reviews and kind words on Tumblr and Twitter. You are all awesome. Also, for the purposes of this story, don't assume that the timeline of canon is linear. In other words, there may have been a summer between 1x10 and 2x01, but there isn't in our story here. Only a month, which is denoted inside the story.**

**Disclaimer: No I do not own Castle. Not even a little bit.**

**xxxx**

**Chapter Fourteen**

_Previously…_

_He smiled over at her. "I won't hold us back too long, Kate. After tonight I feel more ready for us than I did before. We'll work on it together."_

_Smiling back at him she said, "That sounds good." She stopped and tugged on his arm, pulling him close. She leaned forward, their heights similar because of her heels, and kissed him like she had wanted to do all evening. God she loved kissing him. She just loved him._

xxxx

"Is that a guy up a tree?" Castle asked as they got the scene. Beckett was annoyed. She wasn't as annoyed this time around as she had the last time, after all he hadn't went behind her back this time and looked into her mom's case. But she was still annoyed.

She had just spent the last two hours with a reporter from some New York press rag, and it had seriously been the two most useless hours of her life. She shouldn't have been annoyed at Castle, of course. The press was requested by the NYPD when they found out that the first Nikki Heat was being published in the next couple months. But she was annoyed. And that annoyed her.

"Yes, Castle, that looks like a body up a tree," she snapped. At the hurt look on his face, she immediately felt guilty. It really wasn't his fault. She was just having another bad day. She needed her man, and he had been busy every day after work for the last week. She felt abandoned. He had been at functions getting ready for the launch of a new series, and was working on the outline for the next book. He had been apologetic when he had told her he would be too busy for any dates. That really hadn't made her feel any better, though.

They had been dating for over a month now and she could honestly say she was truly happy with the way things were going. They had been going out almost every day, or spending time at one of their apartments for a movie night or game night. They hadn't taken their relationship any further than a few rather hot make out sessions, but she was okay with that. It was just that she hadn't seen him outside the precinct in a week and she missed him. So yeah, she was annoyed.

Deciding to just move on to her case, she shouted at Lanie who was literally up the tree. "Hey, Lanie, what do we got?"

"Well I don't know what you've got, but I've got branches poking me in places that aren't polite, and spotlights on my booty."

"Could be worse, you could be wearing a dress," Esposito shouted up at her, smirking.

"Kate, do me a huge favor and smack that boy upside the head."

Kate smacked him, as requested, and then asked, "What's with the body?"

Lanie tossed down a wallet, and then said "Victim's a black male in his late thirties. Looks like he tried to pull a Batman off the top of the building."

"Vic's name is Brent Johnson. ID has him living on the Upper West Side. Looks like he was an insurance agent." Beckett immediately started to notice differences with this case. Before the victim's name was John Allen, if she was remembering correctly, and he had been a white male.

_Huh._ They had worked a few cases since the kidnapping of Angela Candela, some of them she hadn't seen the first time around at all, some she had, but she had become much more cautious about possible differences each case from her previous time here. She wanted to make sure she didn't put anything or anyone at risk because she didn't see the differences soon enough. However she was having a hard time remembering all the details about each case they worked, which was making the task all that more difficult.

They finished up at the scene, after dealing with the irritating reporter who still hadn't left her alone, and then started to pack up and go back to the precinct. On the way to her car, she noticed that Castle hadn't come with her, but instead had made his way with Lanie and the reporter towards the coroner's van. He had been silent since she had snapped at him earlier.

Shrugging her shoulders, figuring she would apologize later, she got into the car, and started to make her way to the precinct. It wasn't until she was half way back that she remembered how this scene had played out last time. The body had been grabbed by the drug runners who had been using the victim as a mule. Mentally slapping herself for forgetting, she got on her phone to call Lanie to warn her.

Lanie didn't answer her phone. Frowning, she pulled up Castle's contact information and hit the call button. He didn't answer either. Starting to worry, she called Ryan.

"Ryan."

"Hey, you guys have Lanie's van in view?"

"No. They left after us. Why?"

"Neither Lanie or Castle are answering their phones."

"Castle is with her? Why didn't he ride with you like he always does?"

"Not sure," she lied, knowing that he had taken the opportunity to get space from her. "Can you guys turn around and see if you can find out where they're at? I just have a feeling that something happened."

Knowing that her gut instincts were pretty good, Ryan didn't protest. He relayed her instructions to Esposito, then said, "We'll find them. I'm sure everything is fine." He hung up and she carried on to the 12th.

It wasn't until she pulled into the parking garage that she got a call back from Ryan.

"Beckett."

"Kate, you need to get here." Ryan said. He sounded panicked, and he _never_ sounded panicked. She felt her blood turn cold and her stomach sink.

"What happened," she asked, turning her car around.

"A truck rammed into the coroner's van and tipped it over. The body's gone."

"Ryan, What about Lanie and Castle?"

He was silent for a beat before he said, "they're in pretty bad shape, Kate. The ambulances are on their way. The reporter that was with them is dead."

"Where are you?" She demanded, needing to see _him_. She needed to know that he was alright. This was all her fault. For real this time. She knew that this was going to happen. But she had forgot until it was too late. Not fifteen minutes after thinking about how she needed to pay attention to the differences, she had forgot a major detail of the case. Now it might have cost her everything.

xxxx

He looked so bad. His face was all bloodied and bruised, both legs were broken, and there was a huge gash where something had stabbed him in the chest. There was so much blood. When she pulled up, the EMTs had just loaded him into one of the ambulances. Hurrying up to Ryan she asked, "What's going on?"

"They've already taken Lanie, and they're loading Castle up now. Lanie was conscious when they loaded her up. She had a seatbelt on, so the EMTs said she might just have a concussion and a broken wrist along with whiplash."

She hadn't taken her eyes off the ambulance holding Castle, which had just sped away. "Did you hear them say anything about Rick?"

"No. We should get to the hospital. We need to be there for both of them. I called Montgomery. He's going to put Karpowski's team on the Johnson murder, and get them to handle what happened here as well."

"Esposito?"

"He went with Lanie. Let's go."

xxxx

"I'm so sorry, Martha!" Kate said when Castle's mother entered the ER waiting room an hour later. She had met Martha again, and had spent some time with the woman over the previous month she and Castle had been dating. The woman was just as dramatic as she had been in Kate's previous time, but was more reserved in some ways. Kate knew that the differences could be attributed to Alexis' murder.

"I'm sure it's not your fault, darling. Now what happened?"

Kate explained how the coroner's van had been ambushed, and how Castle shouldn't have been there in the first place. "I snapped at him and he chose to not ride with me. And now this…" she trailed off, tears running down her cheeks.

She couldn't lose him. Not now. Not again. This was her second chance. She had done everything she could to get them together, and they were. They were happy. They were working towards being more. And now this. Now she might lose him again.

_I can't handle this,_ she thought for the millionth time since she got to the hospital. _If he dies, I'm done with this life._

"Was anyone else injured?"

"Dr. Parish, our ME, was injured. The reporter who was doing a piece on the Nikki Heat book died in the crash."

"Oh, dear lord," Martha exclaimed, bringing one of her hands up to her mouth. "Has there been any news at all on Richard?"

Kate shook her head and sat back down in the uncomfortable chair she had taken residence in when she had walked into the ER. "No. Nurse said that it could be hours yet."

Martha sat down next to her and put a hand on Kate's knee. "He's going to be alright. He's a fighter. He wasn't supposed to survive the stabbing either, but he did. He'll make it this time too. He's been happier since he met you, dear. He has something worth living for again."

Sobbing, Kate grabbed Martha's hand and gave it a squeeze. She knew that if Castle died, her reason for living would cease to exist right along with him. She wouldn't get another second chance.

xxxx

**a.n.2. You can send your hate mail via review or PM. Death threats aren't okay, though. Review?**

**a.n.3. Also, Kate hasn't shown the tape to Castle yet. She hasn't forgotten about it, she's just been focusing on being happy instead. There'll be more on her mom's murder and Alexis's murder in future chapters. First I need to stop trying to kill Castle, right?**


	15. Chapter 15

**a.n. Thanks to everyone who reviewed and followed over the last day! You guys are amazing. No really.**

**This one is a little (okay a lot) fluffier than the last. For my beloved angst lovers out there, have no fear, I will return to it swiftly I'm sure. It's also shorter than normal though not absurdly so.**

**Disclaimer: Nope.**

**xxxx**

**Chapter Fifteen**

_Previously…_

_Martha sat down next to her and put a hand on Kate's knee. "He's going to be alright. He's a fighter. He wasn't supposed to survive the stabbing either, but he did. He'll make it this time too. He's been happier since he met you, dear. He has something worth living for again."_

_Sobbing, Kate grabbed Martha's hand and gave it a squeeze. She knew that if Castle died, her reason for living would cease to exist right along with him. She wouldn't get another second chance._

xxxx

"Hey Lanie, how are you feeling," Kate asked as she entered Lanie's hospital room. Castle was still in surgery, but she had been allowed to come back to see the ME. Kate needed someone to talk to and she wanted to make sure her friend was okay.

"Oh, I'm great," Lanie said, sarcastically. "How's Castle? Have you seen him yet?"

"No. He's still in surgery. Nurse said it could be a couple more hours. I'm so sorry, Lanie. I should have had the boys tail you."

"Hey, honey, you couldn't have known," Lanie soothed. _But I did,_ Kate thought. _I did know. But I forgot and now… _

"So did the doctors say?" Kate asked, changing the subject.

"A mild concussion, a broken wrist, and burns from the air bag. Lots of bruises, and a couple bruised ribs. They're keeping me overnight."

"We called you mom," Kate said. "I don't know if she's going to come."

"Let's hope not," Lanie said, laughing. Kate smiled. Lanie severely disliked her mom, and had never really gotten along with her. It had only gotten worse when her father had died. "So…You going to tell me what's going on between you and Castle?"

Kate groaned. They hadn't told anyone about their change in relationship, and they hadn't planned on it until they were both more comfortable with it. "Nothing," Kate said, not meeting her friend's eyes. She really needed to learn to be a better liar.

"Uh-uh, girl. I'm strapped to this bed all night. Now spill."

"It's nothing, Lanie, really," Kate pleaded.

"Kate," Lanie said, aiming a death glare at the detective.

"Fine. We're dating. You happy?

"Getting there. Details, girl."

Kate sat down in the chair next to the bed and sighed. If she was being honest with herself, she could use some girl talk. She just had to be careful to not let too much slip.

"We've been dating for a month."

"A MONTH!" Lanie shouted.

"Quiet down, Lanie. Yes, a month. Right after the Angela Candela case. During, actually."

"How come you didn't tell me?"

"We didn't tell anyone. Only Martha, Castle's mom, knows. My dad doesn't even know."

"Alright. So how is it?"

"How is what?"

"Kate," Lanie whined.

"We haven't done it."

"WHAT! You've been with the man a month and you haven't jumped his bones? What the hell is wrong with you?"

"We're taking it slow," Kate hedged. She didn't want to go into why they were taking it slow. She didn't want to say that she was in love with him, and that she was pretty sure he was in love with her. She didn't want to explain that she wanted this to work, why she needed it to work.

"Slow? Why?" Kate groaned. She should have known that Lanie would want to know everything. She never had been able to hide anything from her best friend.

"He's…He's like I used to be in a lot of ways, Lanie. Closed off. We're both broken, and we really want this to work."

"You're in love with him, aren't you? Don't deny it, Kate, I see the way you look at him."

"Fine."

"Fine what?"

"Fine. I'm in love with him." They were interrupted by the sound of Kate's phone going off. Picking it up she found that the call was from Esposito.

"Beckett."

"Doctor's on his way out."

Kate hung up and looked at her friend. "The doctor is coming out to give news about Castle. I've gotta go." She stood, patted her friend on the shoulder and told her she'd come back later. Then she rushed out of the room and towards the waiting room to find out if the love of her life was okay.

xxxx

"Richard Castle's Family?" The doctor, an African American woman in her mid-40s, stood just outside the double doors leading back to the OR suite.

"That's us," Martha said, standing up. Kate stood beside her with Ryan and Esposito off to the side.

"Mr. Castle sustained severe injuries during the crash. Our most major concern was the internal bleeding caused by some sort of sharp instrument. It must have impaled him during the crash. Whatever it was, it caused a lot of internal damage to the stomach and intestines. We were able to stop the internal bleeding, and stabilize him, but not before he lost a lot of blood. He made it through surgery, and is going to be moved to a private room in a couple hours, which is when you can see him. We expect he should make a full recovery. We set both of his legs, his right arm, and wrapped his head. He has a concussion, but surprisingly given the severity of his other injuries, it seems to be mild." The doctor looked around at them to see if they had any questions. Kate felt so relieved. He was going to be okay. He was alive. She hadn't lost him.

"I'll send a nurse to come collect you when you can see him," the doctor continued before turning back and heading through the double doors.

Kate stumbled over to the chair she had been sitting in, and collapsed into it. Breathing heavily she wiped the tears from her eyes. _He's okay. He's okay. He's okay._

xxxx

She had been sitting by his side for six hours. The longer she sat there, the more worried she got. He needed to wake up. She needed to see his eyes.

"Come on, Rick. I need you to wake up, babe. Please," she begged.

Eventually the events of the day caught up with her and she slipped into a troubled sleep, resting her head on their intertwined hands. She just needed him to wake up.

xxxx

She was woken up when she felt pressure on her hand. Sleepily opening her eyes and lifting her head, she looked towards Castle's head and found two beautiful blue eyes staring back at her.

"Hey," he said, his voice rough from disuse.

"God, Castle, you scared the crap out of me," Kate said in a rush, as she stood up and ran her free hand over his cheek. "I was so scared," she whispered.

"Hey, it's okay. I'm here. I'm going to be fine."

Sobbing, unable to hold back the tears of relief, she bent down and captured his lips with hers. The kiss was short but passion filled as they both reaffirmed their connection.

"I love you," he said, cupping her cheek with his hand. She blinked at him through the tears. They hadn't said the words. Sure, he had said that he was _falling_ in love with her, but to say the words. For a minute she didn't even know what to say.

Shaking herself, she said, "God, Castle, I love you too, so much. So much." She leant back down and kissed him again. When they finally had to break apart for air, Kate said, "I'm so sorry, Rick. This is all my fault."

"What? No, Kate. You didn't do this."

"If I hadn't been so snippy with you, you would have been with me. You wouldn't be injured. That reporter…" She caught herself, not really wanting to break that news to him.

"What about the reporter, Kate."

"She…she died, Rick. In the crash."

"Oh, God. That's…that's…" He squeezed her hand, trying to find the words. She could tell he was coming up short. There were no words. "It is not your fault, Kate. She was riding in the van because of me. Not you. Did you find whoever did this?"

"Karpowski's team is handling it. Montgomery wanted us to be here with you and Lanie."

"Lanie! What happened to her? Is she okay?" She could see the panic in his eyes.

Putting a calming hand on his shoulder, she said "She's fine. A concussion and a broken wrist. She'll be out of here tomorrow."

They were interrupted by the sound of the doctor coming into the room. She knew that this ordeal was far from over. Both of them felt immensely guilty over the death of the reporter, and that guilt wasn't going to go away quickly. But he loved her. And she loved him. She knew that no matter what happened, they would get through it together. Always.

xxxx

**a.n.2. One of the things I missed was having Kate's friends and colleagues comment on how different she is. She is definitely acting different, and they surely would have noticed. But it's too late now. Just assume they had that conversation off screen.**

**a.n.3. Let me know what you think by leaving a review! Reviews keep me motivated. The more I get, the more likely it is you guys get the next chapter tomorrow instead of next week. Hint. Hint.**


	16. Chapter 16

**a.n. Thanks to everyone who left a review! I won't blackmail you guys for reviews again. **

**This one is almost tooth ache worthy in terms of fluffiness. The angst will return, I'm sure.**

**Disclaimer: This is useless. Of course I don't own Castle. **

**xxxx**

**Chapter Sixteen**

_Previously…_

_They were interrupted by the sound of the doctor coming into the room. She knew that this ordeal was far from over. Both of them felt immensely guilty over the death of the reporter, and that guilt wasn't going to go away quickly. But he loved her. And she loved him. She knew that no matter what happened, they would get through it together. Always._

xxxx

The next four months passed by quickly. Kate stayed with Castle while he recuperated, and they got closer than ever. She mentally slapped herself every time she thought about how much time she had wasted in her previous time.

Despite being happy with where they were romantically, it wasn't all sunshine and happiness. Castle was not an easy patient. With both legs broken and a broken wrist, he was confined to a wheel chair for the first two months, which made him very irritable. He didn't snap at her or start petty fights, instead he shut himself away in his office until he had to ask for help to go to the bathroom or move to another spot in the loft.

After two months, when he was able to start using crutches, Kate returned to work. She had never taken two months off from the force in her entire career, but she had wanted to be by Castle's side while he made his way through the worst part of his recovery. After she went back to work, Castle's mood grew continually brighter. She brought work home with her, and they built theory and bantered like they did when he had been coming to the precinct every day. The fact that he seemed to be doing something besides sitting around, cheered him immensely.

In the third month after the crash, they started to actually go out on dates again. They still hadn't taken their relationship to the next level, and Kate had been spending her time in the loft sleeping in the guest bedroom, but she was still happy with where they were at. At first it had felt very odd sleeping in the same apartment as her man but not with him, but she had gotten used to it. She wasn't happy about it, but she was used to it. They usually kept their dates to casual restaurants so that they didn't have to deal with the press. They still hadn't told anyone besides Martha and Lanie about their relationship.

Near the end of the fourth month, after a strenuous physical therapy session Castle surprised her by starting a conversation about their relationship.

They were sitting snuggled up on his couch absentmindedly watching TV, just enjoying one another's company when Castle asked, "Kate can I ask you something?"

Picking her head up off of his shoulder and looking at him, she said, "Sure."

"Where do you see yourself in 5 years?"

_What does he mean? _She wondered. "You mean professionally? Personally?"

He shrugged. "Either one, I guess."

"Well professionally I will probably still be doing what I'm doing now. I love my job and I have very little interest in moving up the ranks. I do what I do for a reason."

"And personally?" _Ah, so this is the 'where are we going?' conversation,_ she thought, giddy with the thought.

"Married with children," she stated confidently, then looked at his face to catch his expression. At first he was shocked by the speed and certitude of her response. Then a huge smile overtook his face, and he leaned down and kissed her passionately. They had shared many kisses in her brief time back, and like it had been before, each one was a new experience for her. This one topped all others. The sheer emotion behind it would have made her lose her balance if she had been standing up. As it was, she felt pure need pool in her stomach.

He pulled away much too soon for her liking. She let out a small whimper of protest before she opened her eyes again and looked into his eyes. "Wow," she whispered.

He chuckled. "Yeah."

"I take it that's what you want too?"

"Oh, yeah."

"Why are you asking now, Rick?"

He sighed and ran a hand over her cheek, cupping it tenderly. "I love you. And I know that a few months ago I said I wanted to take this slow, and I still do, but I'm ready for a little more."

"More?"

He kissed her again, this time not pulling away until they both were in desperate need of air. "More," he said, wiggling his eyebrows.

xxxx

Kate woke up the next morning pleasantly sore in places she hadn't been sore in a long time. A wicked grin spread across her face as she thought back to the delicious things they had done to each other the previous night. Castle wasn't yet at full strength or full mobility, but he was still amazing in bed.

Stretching, she lifted her head from where it rested on her partner's chest. She looked up to see him still sleeping peacefully. _God, how I love him,_ she thought. _So damn much._

She knew that this was a big step for them. She also felt happy that they both knew what each other wanted out of the relationship. In her time before, she had wondered after she and Castle had finally gotten together if he had wanted to be more than just boyfriend and girlfriend. It had led to one of their biggest fights, her brief career in federal law enforcement, and his rushed proposal. She was thankful that another regret she'd had before appeared to be solved. They both wanted to be married eventually. She smiled again, thinking that eventually couldn't come soon enough.

xxxx

Four weeks later, Castle finally was ready to come back to work with her. They had a busy week planned. She had moved back to her apartment the week before, and while she was sad about that, she knew that they weren't ready to actually live together yet. At least he wasn't. She didn't want to rush him, especially since she was still pretty happy with where they were.

They were also planning on finally making their relationship public knowledge. The_ Heat Wave_ launch party had been pushed back a month due to Castle's injuries, and would be taking place at the end of the week, so they were planning on showing up to the event together, and letting the press run with the story.

The morning that Castle was scheduled to come back to the precinct, Beckett arrived at her desk early, eager to start the day. She was looking forward to getting back to normal. She needed her partner back, and since they hadn't seen each other in a couple days, she was really looking forward to seeing him.

"Good morning, Detective," he said as he came up to her desk and handed her coffee. He looked amazing. Her breath caught as she thought of the previous month and how they had spent almost every night tangled in his bed. She felt her cheeks flush at the memory before she pushed it aside and said, "Good morning, Castle. Thanks for the coffee."

"You're welcome. So, do we have a case yet? I'm a little rusty."

"Is that some sort of euphemism saying you're getting old?"

He scowled at her. "Very funny, detective. If this whole detective thing doesn't work for you, a career in standup comedy might be your next stop."

"I think I'd be good, don't you?"

"Maybe. I'd be worried about the first person who heckled you. You might go out into the audience and introduce them to your four inch heels the hard way."

She laughed. "God I missed having you here."

"I missed being here. We're on for tonight? I missed you these last couple days."

"Oh, yeah. My apartment is lonely, and I miss the loft."

"Well, we can't have that. Dinner and a movie tonight okay? Maybe just hangout instead of something fancy?"

"Sounds nice," she said before turning to her ever present mountain of paperwork.

xxxx

The next morning the happy couple was awakened by a knock at the loft's door. She could hear Castle groaning. "God, that better not be a Jehovah's Witness," he moaned as he extricated himself from underneath her and made to put on his boxers and robe.

Now fully awake, Kate decided she wanted to know who was at the door too. She pulled herself up and pulled on her own underwear before pulling her robe around her. She had kept some of her things at the loft even after moving back to her own place.

Following Castle to the loft's entry way, she frowned when she saw his agent Paula Haas at the door.

"Paula? What are you doing here so damn early?"

"Rick. You're not going to believe this."

_Oh, no,_ Kate thought. She remembered what happened next, even if she wasn't present for it the first time.

Paula shoved her way past Rick and stopped in her tracks when she saw Kate standing there. "Rick you didn't tell me you had company."

"I didn't know you were going to drop by," he said sarcastically, walking back to stand beside Kate. "Besides, we were keeping this between us for a while. We're planning on announcing it publically when we go to the launch party."

"So you guys are together then?"

"Yes."

"Good." Well that wasn't the response Kate expected from Paula.

"So, Paula, what brings you here at 7 in the morning?" Castle asked, looking at the clock above the stove.

"You aren't going to believe it. I can't even believe it."

"Believe what? I'm still sleeping aren't I? Kate," he said, looking at her, "pinch me. I'm having a dream where my book agent has shown up at my house to not tell me something." Kate laughed, loving that even half sleeping he was still able to make her laugh.

"Sorry, babe, you're awake."

"Damn." He turned to look at Paula. "Now what are you talking about?"

"Okay. Nothing's official yet, but you…my dear… are at the top of their list. And I can't give you any more than that."

"You want some coffee? I'd love to sit down and not discuss this further. And I know Kate wants coffee."

"I'll tell you this," Paula said, following them into the kitchen. "It's a major re-launch of a major franchise. A three book deal. And they want you."

"_Heat Wave _comes out at the end of the week. The book party has already been a pain in the ass to schedule and I've been stuck in meetings the last two days. I've already agreed to preliminary terms for more Nikki. So why would I get involved with another book franchise?"

Kate looked between the two of them, and despite her wariness regarding the eventual end of this conversation, she found their dynamic very interesting. She could tell that they had worked close for years, and that they both trusted and respected each other. While she had no reason to be jealous, she still felt a little something bubbling up in her stomach.

"What if I told you," Paula continued, "that the character in question is a certain British Secret Agent?"

"Bond?"

"Don't say it! You'll jinx it!"

"He's the reason I became a writer," Castle said, looking contemplative. Then he shook his head. "It doesn't matter, Paula. Even if I were interested, I'm attached to Nikki and I'm not ready to move on from her yet." Kate smiled, relieved. She remembered how the first time this happened how Castle had almost left to write about James Bond, and how much she had wanted him to stay but how she hadn't had the courage to ask. Still, she felt guilty about holding him back from something he would have obviously accepted had she not been in his life.

"You'd give up the opportunity to write your boyhood dream?" Paula asked, stunned.

"Yes."

She sighed, and started to say something but was interrupted by the sound of Beckett's phone ringing.

"Beckett." She listened as the dispatcher alerted her to a body drop. She memorized the address before turning back to the two people standing in the kitchen.

"We've got a body, babe. I'm going to jump in the shower."

He walked up to her and gave her a deep kiss. Pulling back she smiled and ran her hand over his cheek before making her way to the bathroom to start her day, a spring in her step every step of the way. She was so very happy.

xxxx

**a.n.2. We will cover this case. It's one of my favorites of season 2. But we'll do it in the next chapter. I didn't want to spend chapters covering Castle's recovery, so I did it this way instead. I hope it was okay. **

**Please leave a review. Do so and be awesome. **


	17. Chapter 17

**a.n. Thanks to all who have left a review. Sorry for not updating yesterday. We all knew the daily posting wouldn't last forever. This chapter jumps back to being case focused with some relationship stuff thrown in just like the show.**

**Disclaimer: Do not own Castle.**

**xxxx**

**Chapter Seventeen**

_Previously…_

"_Beckett." She listened as the dispatcher alerted her to a body drop. She memorized the address before turning back to the two people standing in the kitchen._

"_We've got a body, babe. I'm going to jump in the shower."_

_He walked up to her and gave her a deep kiss. Pulling back she smiled and ran her hand over his cheek before making her way to the bathroom to start her day, a spring in her step every step of the way. She was so very happy. _

xxxx

When she and Castle got to the crime scene, the first thing she noticed were the odd looks the boys were giving them. While the two detectives had caught the couple post-first kiss, they hadn't actually caught onto their relationship. This was the first time in the months since she and Castle had been dating that they'd showed up to the crime scene together.

"Well, what do we have here?" Espo asked suspiciously as they came up to him. They were all in a dirty alley. CSU techs were all around, and Lanie was hovering over the manhole near one of the dumpsters.

"What do you mean," she asked, innocently.

"You two carpool this morning?"

She looked over at Castle, who shrugged. They were going public later that week anyways, so she figured it didn't matter anymore.

"Kind of happens when you're coming from the same place," she answered nonchalantly.

"Wait. You two came from the same place?" Ryan asked, coming up to them.

"Yes," Castle said.

"Are you two…together now?"

"Yes." They answered together.

Espo scowled. "How long?"

"Five months."

"FIVE MONTHS?" the boys shouted together.

"Yes. Five months. Now can we please get back to work?" Kate asked as she approached Lanie with the boys following. "Hey Lanie, what do we got?"

"White female, mid-thirties, no ID," Lanie said. "So you've come out with it then?"

Kate groaned. "Not you too. Yes. We're announcing it to his public this weekend. COD?" she asked, trying to get away from her personal life.

"Blunt force trauma. Looks like a blow to the back of the head. We found blood spatter over there on the sidewalk."

"Well at least we know it's not a robbery, then" Castle said. The boys looked at him oddly. Seeing that he answered. "A robber wouldn't have bothered trying to hide the body. They get what they want, then go." Kate smiled. He really was a great detective.

She turned back to Lanie, "Time of death?"

"Two days ago maybe? I'll be able to get more accurate once I get her back. And girl," Lanie said, while the techs were zipping up the body bag. "I want those details soon."

Rolling her eyes, she turned to the boys. "Canvas for witnesses and then see if there are any surveillance cameras in the area. Get unis to search for the murder weapon."

The boys nodded, and then left to carry out her orders.

xxxx

Kate was noticing small differences with this case. The first was that Lanie was on this case, not Perlmutter. The next thing she noticed was that the victim had been reported missing, which she hadn't the last time.

Her name was Eliska Sokol. She lived in an SRO a half block from where they found the body, a different building than it had been the last time. After talking to the super, they discovered that she had lived there about two years with her husband, though the super thought something had happened between the couple as he hadn't seen the husband in quite some time. That was another difference from her last time. Before Sokol's husband was her ex-husband. _At least not all the changes in my new time are terrible,_ Kate thought as they made their way up to apartment 5-C to question the husband. She had sent the boys to start questioning the neighbors.

Sokol's husband was apparently not home. After returning down stairs, they told the super to call them if he saw the husband, and then made their way to the precinct.

xxxx

As there was nothing they could do until Lanie completed the autopsy, and the boys found the husband, she and Castle returned to his loft for lunch. They found Martha sitting at the counter reading a book.

"Hello Mother," Castle said, kissing his mother on the cheek.

"Hello darling," she said looking up.

She stood and gave Kate a hug. Kate would never quite get used to having Martha hugging her, which she seemed to do every time Kate entered the loft.

"So what are you two doing home?"

"Lunch. We're waiting for the boys to finish their canvas and for Lanie to finish the autopsy of our vic," Castle said, finding ingredients for sandwiches.

"So, I hear Paula made an appearance this morning," Martha said when Kate took a seat beside her.

"And how, might I ask, did you hear that?" Castle asked.

"I could practically smell her perfume when I came out this morning, and she isn't exactly the quietest person in the world."

They laughed at that.

"So what did she want?"

"Apparently the people behind the Bond books want me to write the next three novels in that series."

"Darling! That's wonderful. I know you've always wanted to write about a certain British spy. So are you going to do it?"

"No. I'm not done with Nikki yet."

"Castle, you know you don't have to continue just to stay with me, right?" Kate said. "I don't want to hold you back." She didn't want him to leave, of course, but she also felt guilty about keeping him from something he'd obviously wanted to do before he met her.

"It's not just that, Kate. I'm invested in Nikki's story. I want to finish it. And if I did move on, I'd lose any real rationale for working with you, and I like doing that. It makes me feel like I'm helping. And I get to spend my day with you. So while I won't deny that I used to be infatuated with James Bond, I'm happy with where I'm at."

Kate smiled at him, secretly thrilled with his answer. While there had been set backs, and she had almost lost him once already, she couldn't be happier with where they were personally right now. Just by being more open with him, and being more willing to jump into a relationship, she had gotten them to a great point in their relationship. A point that had taken them more than four years to get to in her previous time.

"Good then," she said after a few beats. "I like having you around. I need my partner by my side."

"Then that's where I shall be," he said smiling, putting a turkey sandwich in front of her.

Martha cleared her throat. "You guys are so cute."

"Thank you, Mother," Castle said dryly, taking a bite out of his sandwich.

xxxx

"We found the husband," Ryan said as she and Castle walked back into the precinct after lunch.

"He's here?" Beckett asked.

"He'll be here in an hour. Apparently he and his wife were separated. They haven't been living together for the last year."

"Well that explains why he wasn't there when we knocked. I wonder then," Castle said, "If we could get inside the apartment to have a look around?"

"That's a good idea," Kate said, giving him a small smile. "We'll get permission from the husband when he gets here."

xxxx

"Teador Hajek?" Kate asked as she and Castle entered the interrogation room.

"That's me," the man sitting at the table said. "What's this all about?"

"We'd like to ask you a few questions about your wife," Kate asked as she sat down across from him. For all she knew he was still the grieving man she had encountered in her previous time here. Until she knew otherwise, however, she wouldn't treat him as hostile.

"Eliska? What happened? Tell me."

"She was killed two nights ago," Kate said, giving him a sympathetic look.

It turned out that he and Eliska had separated because she had been obsessed with finding their son, even though Teodor was convinced that he had died of a deadly disease. They had fought often, and when he couldn't take anymore, he had left her.

"I miss my son. I could not deal with her…her obsession. I needed to grieve. She, she could not as she was convinced that he was still alive," he told them. She could see the grief on Castle's face as he listened to the grieving father. She knew he could understand what the man had went through.

"When was the last time you saw your wife?"

"Maybe two months ago? We started divorce proceedings. I did not want to. I still love her. But I could not take it anymore. We were supposed to meet with our lawyers yesterday, but she didn't show, and she didn't answer her mobile. So that's when I contacted the police about her missing."

"We found a domestic disturbance call about two years ago involving you and your wife. Could you tell us about that?" Kate asked, needing to cover her bases even if she didn't think he had anything to do with his wife's murder.

"We were arguing, the neighbors call police."

"What did you argue about?"

"The same thing we always were arguing about. She had taken yet another job to get close to someone who had a son about the age of our son. She was convinced that someone took our son, and that the boy we raised wasn't ours."

"Why did she think that?"

"I do not know. I worry that she was too shaken by her grief to think properly."

Kate thought about how different this was from her last time around. The husband from before had been the one who wanted to stay in the relationship while Eliska had wanted out. The timing also seemed to be a little different this time around. She wondered what else would be different.

They received permission to enter Sokol's apartment, and made sure that Teodor had the precinct's number in case he had any more information. On their way out of the interrogation room, Kate touched Rick's elbow and asked, "Hey, you okay babe?"

"Yeah. I just…you know."

"Yeah."

"What if she was right?" Castle asked when they got back to her desk.

"About what?"

"What if this really was about her son? She found out that someone switched them at birth or something like that, and that person found out that Eliska knew and killed her before their crime could be discovered by the authorities."

"Possible. We need to find out what and who she was investigating last. Let's go to her apartment and see what we can find out."

xxxx

"Here it is. Let me know when you're done," the apartment building's super said as he let Kate and Castle into their vic's apartment.

"Thanks," Beckett said as she passed by. "From what I see, the husband's story about them being separated for over a year looks true. It doesn't look like he has been here in quite a while. She lived here alone."

"There's not even a telephone," Castle pointed out.

"Something tells me she didn't have many visitors once her husband left."'

Castle strode over to where a calendar and several post cards were hanging on the wall. "Hey, over here." Kate walked over and looked at the calendar that had caught his attention.

"Work Calendar maybe?"

"Nothing past last Wednesday."

"Here are some postcards from home."

"Hmmm." Castle bent down after noticing a blank space on the wall. He pulled up a photo which had fallen off and showed it to Beckett. "If a picture is worth a thousand words, this one says 'not a fan."

"The scratches go through the paper," Beckett said. The picture showed a young woman with her son at one of the city's parks, just as it had last time. To Kate it looked like the same woman as it had been her last time through. "Whoever she is, looks like our vic hated her."

"Could be the feeling was mutual."

xxxx

"We found the park and talked to a nanny, she told us she thinks the woman and her son live in a building uptown," Esposito said a few hours later. "We also confirmed the husband's alibi. He was working at TOD. He was also the one who sent in the missing person's report, and we confirmed that he and Eliska were to have met with their lawyers yesterday, but she didn't show."

"Alright. I hate to say it, but it's getting late. Let's wrap this up and Castle and I will interview the woman in the picture tomorrow first thing," Kate said, shutting her computer down and rearranging the papers on her desk.

The boys looked at each other, confused. "You feeling okay, Beckett?"

"Yeah. Why?" Kate asked as Castle helped her on with her jacket.

"It's only 7. You never let us leave this early," Ryan said.

"Well I guess we could stay… You know, you're right. You guys stay a few more hours, I'm sure you can turn something up."

The boys groaned, obviously wishing they had kept their mouths shut. Kate smirked.

"You guys keep going at it. Castle and I are going to head out," Kate said, walking past them.

"Night, guys," Castle said.

xxxx

**a.n.2. I covered a little more of the case this time because I made a major change to it. Reviews are awesome!**


	18. Chapter 18

**a.n. I am highly disappointed in the response to the last chapter. Only five people reviewed. Is the story moving too slowly? Or does it just suck so bad people are getting bored? Reviews are what keep me motivated, so let me know what you think of the story! For those of you who did review, thank you so much!**

**Not sure what I think of this one.**

**Disclaimer: I won Castle merchandise. I don't own Castle. Same letters, different meaning.**

**xxxx**

**Chapter Eighteen**

_Previously…_

"_Well I guess we could stay… You know, you're right. You guys stay a few more hours, I'm sure you can turn something up."_

_The boys groaned, obviously wishing they had kept their mouths shut. Kate smirked._

"_You guys keep going at it. Castle and I are going to head out," Kate said, walking past them._

"_Night, guys," Castle said. _

xxxx

The first thing the next morning, the Captain stepped out of his office and said, "Beckett, Castle, my office now."

Kate looked at her partner, wondering what the Captain wanted with them. The two of them got up from their seats and walked into the Captain's office. Montgomery shut the door after them and took his own seat.

"Are you two in a relationship?" he asked, looking at Beckett

"Yes, sir."

Montgomery sighed, and ran his hand over his bald head. "Well, shit. Listen. I'm okay with it. And _technically_ it's not breaking any rules since Castle here doesn't actually work for the NYPD. But he does have a badge. He did take an oath when he became an official NYPD consultant, so you guys have got to keep this out of the precinct, and you have to act professionally when you're out in the field. One hint that it's affecting your job, Kate, and it has to end. Understand?"

_The Roy of before wouldn't have cared at all,_ Kate thought bitterly._ The Roy of before would have cheered us on._ "Yes, sir. We'll keep it to ourselves."

He nodded. "Good. Now get back to work. And congratulations."

Walking back to her desk, with Castle following, she decided that this didn't actually change anything between them. They had already been keeping it out of the precinct, and they had no plans to stop that now.

Sitting down in his chair, Castle said, "Kate, I don't want to cause you any problems."

"You're not, Rick. Montgomery is just covering his ass. This doesn't change anything between us. We just can't do it in the supply closet."

He scowled. "Well that's disappointing."

She laughed and started getting her things ready to go find the woman in the picture they had found the day before.

xxxx

After questioning Cameron and Melissa Talbot, Kate wasn't sure how the differences in this case were going to come into play. Despite Eliska Sokol's husband being more in the picture than he was before, the rest of it appeared the same. At least so far.

The Talbots had a young son named Zane. Eliska had, like she had before, gotten close to the Talbot kid, and had made the parents nervous, which had resulted in her being fired.

Despite her assumptions that the rest of the case would play out as it had before, she decided that she had to play it safe and follow the leads wherever they lead.

Once they were back at the precinct she gathered her team around and said, "Alright, guys, let's put ourselves in Eliska's shoes. She is suddenly unemployed, and she's worried about two things. First money. She needs the job to make rent since she and her husband had separated and were undergoing a divorce. The second thing she's apparently concerned with is her investigation into her son's death. She, according to the husband, was convinced that the son they had raised until age three wasn't their biological son, but instead had been switched at birth. That explains why she got close to the Talbot's son."

"We should look into that, then," Castle said, handing her a cup of coffee. "We should see if there is any truth to her suspicions, especially in regard to the Talbot child."

"Let's first check the Talbot's alibis," Kate said, looking at Ryan and Esposito. "Then we should also go back to Eliska's building and talk to the neighbors again to see if anyone saw anything suspicious."

xxxx

In the end, Kate decided she was happy she was paying attention. Before they had found a witness who had saw someone looking like Cameron Talbot in Eliska's building. This time the sketch turned out to look more like Melissa Talbot.

"Yes, I was in her building," Mrs. Talbot said when they confronted her with the sketch from the witness.

"Why?" Kate asked, confused as to how this difference in her timeline was going to play out.

"I…" she started, but looked away, trying to hide the tears that had sprung up in the corners of her eyes. "My husband was having an affair with her."

"How do you know, Mrs. Talbot?" Castle asked.

"She was here a lot. And I could see the way he looked at her, and acted around her. I told you before that she was here and got close to Zane, but she also got a lot closer to my husband than I'd consider proper. I went to her building to confront her about it."

"Have you discussed this with your husband?" Kate asked.

"Yes. He…he told me yesterday that it was true." She started sobbing.

xxxx

Back at the precinct, Castle said, "This makes no sense. So Cameron Talbot was having an affair with Eliska. Eliska thought that Zane was actually her child from her actual marriage. Why would she sleep with the Talbot man if she thought he played a role in taking her child?"

"Maybe she confirmed it, and that was her way of insinuating herself into their lives?" Kate wondered aloud as she sat next to him on her desk, their sides smashed together.

"If she confirmed it, then why not just report it? She'd end up with custody and one or both of the Talbot's would go to jail."

"There has to be something we're missing. Maybe she was just using the affair to play for time. She needed the time to wait to confirm it."

"The candy!" Castle said, excitedly.

"What do you mean, Rick?"

"Melissa Talbot got angry with Eliska for giving Zane candy. What if she used that to get his DNA? If she sent his DNA off to some lab, she would need to wait. But she needed to have an excuse to stick around, so she started to sleep with Cameron Talbot. Melissa Talbot, at the time, didn't know this, so she just went to the building management and got Eliska fired. The question is, which of the Talbots is involved in this, and had Eliska gotten the test results back?"

"We need to check her mail," Kate said, impressed with his story.

xxxx

In the end it turned out that both of the Talbots were involved in the baby switching scheme. When Cameron Talbot had discovered that their actual baby had a deadly disease, his wife had pleaded with him to do something, which is when he hatched the plan to switch the identity cards of two different infants. Unlike her previous time, Melissa Talbot wasn't the innocent bystander. She had figured out that Eliska was trying to get close to them by sleeping with her husband, and had figured out why she was doing it.

Melissa Talbot was their killer, but both Talbots were going to jail. After booking them both, Kate flopped into her chair and sighed deeply.

"Zane was caught in the middle," Kate said to Rick as she gathered the paperwork for the case and started organizing it.

"What's going to happen to him?"

"We called Child Services. Now that there is proof that he is indeed Teodor's child, he'll likely get custody, but it's going to take a while for it all to get sorted out."

"Well I won't say that this made any sense to me. In the end, the Talbot's real son died, and they didn't even get a chance to know him. Instead they only inflicted pain on another couple. I can understand not wanting your child to die. But the child still died. It changed nothing other than filling the void that would have been left when he died, and they still had to know that their actual child died at some point. It makes no sense."

"Some crimes don't make sense. They must have thought that by replacing their child with another the grief wouldn't come for them."

"Sad, really."

"Yeah."

"Alright. I've got to go get ready. I'll pick you up at 7?"

"Sounds good."

xxxx

"You look beautiful, Kate," Castle said after he found his voice. She blushed, knowing exactly what she was doing to him by wearing this short blue form fitting dress.

"Thanks, Rick."

"Oh, this is for you. Sorry, but I couldn't afford more than just the one," he joked as he handed her a single red rose.

"Spending all those royalties on scotch and women?" she asked, raising an eyebrow teasingly. She walked back into her apartment to put the rose into a vase, leaving the door open behind her.

"Yes, Kate, that's exactly what I'm doing," Castle said sarcastically. "That and entering into weekly strip poker tournaments with my author buddies."

Laughing at him, she put the rose into water then grabbed her clutch. "Alright, Writer Boy, let's go."

He scowled at her.

"What? That's what Lanie calls you," she said as she shut her apartment door behind them.

"Well, then that's okay then, I guess."

xxxx

"So how are we going to go about this?" Kate asked as the limo pulled up outside the building where the launch party was going to take place. Hundreds of press and photographers were already lined up on either side of the red carpet waiting for their glimpse of someone even remotely famous.

"Well this first part will probably be the hardest, but just ignore every question and comment thrown your way, and we'll get passed it. Say nothing, okay, even if you're provoked. Just by us showing up together arm in arm, they'll know we're together. But after they read the dedication they'll know for sure."

Raising her eyebrows, Kate asked, "What does the dedication say?"

"Uh-uh. Not until we're inside. It's a surprise."

"But you've dedicated all your books to Alexis." He had. She had went back and checked after he had started to shadow her. She wanted to know how the rest of his books had differed from their previous versions in her time before.

He smiled. "Alexis would understand. You ready?"

Thinking she'd know more once she got to his book, she nodded and swallowed hard. She remembered going to this launch the first time. She had been so sure that he was about to leave her, and she had no courage to ask him to stay. It had been the first time he had called her extraordinary. Of course they had to go and ruin the moment by fighting with each other, but she knew even then that he had meant what he wrote.

She knew that that night which had ended with hurt feelings on both sides was just one of many missed moments that she was trying to make up for this time around.

xxxx

After they got inside, they had to separate so that Castle could go do his thing. She hadn't liked being the center of attention on their way in, but she knew that if she wanted to be with him, this was something she was going to have to accept.

She looked around, looking for familiar faces as she had done the first time.

"Well, Beckett, you clean up nice," Montgomery said, coming up behind her.

Turning around, she gave him a bright smile. "Thank you, sir."

"These parties are much more subdued now than they used to be," Roy said somewhat mournfully. "Everything in his life changed when his little girl died." He looked at her, giving her the patented Montgomery stare, "You've made him happier these last months, Beckett. I'm glad you found him."

"I'm glad too."

"So did you get to read the dedication yet? Or did he keep that a secret?"

"No not yet. I've read the book, or at least the first draft, but the dedication wasn't there yet."

He smiled, putting a fatherly hand on her shoulder. "You should check it out." He walked away after giving her a smile.

Kate walked up to the center of the room where a pyramid of Heat Wave novels was stacked neatly on a table. Picking up one of the copies, she hesitantly opened the cover and flipped to the dedication page. Her breath caught as she read the words.

_To Kate, the love of my life. Always._

They had only said the words for the first time when he was in the hospital. So she knew he must have had these words put here long before that, even though he hadn't said them to her yet. She sat the book down and wiped away the tears that had streamed down her cheeks.

"Hey," a voice said behind her.

She turned and threw her arms around him.

"I love you, Rick. So much."

He pressed a kiss to her temple and said, "I love you too."

xxxx

**a.n.2. Not sure what I think of this one. Reviews inspire me to write faster and better. So please leave a review. **


	19. Chapter 19

**a.n. Thank you guys so much for the reviews of last chapter! Wow! I hope you keep them coming! A review is like a kick in the ass. It makes me write faster, and better.**

**This one is angsty. For those that know my writing, this shouldn't surprise you.**

**Disclaimer: Do not own Castle.**

**xxxx**

**Chapter Nineteen**

_Previously…_

_They had only said the words for the first time when he was in the hospital. So she knew he must have had these words put here long before that, even though he hadn't said them to her yet. She sat the book down and wiped away the tears that had streamed down her cheeks._

"_Hey," a voice said behind her._

_She turned and threw her arms around him._

"_I love you, Rick. So much."_

_He pressed a kiss to her temple and said, "I love you too."_

xxxx

Over the next few weeks, Kate and Rick got back into a normal rhythm. They finally moved past his injuries and started to make their lives normal again. They spent almost every single night together, sometimes at his place, sometimes at hers. Things were going so well. Until she ruined it with her damned jealousy.

She had known this case was coming around. She remembered how it ended.

_He's all yours._

When she had been told that the first time, her feelings towards her writer were muddled and confusing. She knew she felt something towards him, but her brain had been telling her that he was a risk her heart couldn't afford.

Now that she knew for sure that she loved him, she figured that Kyra Blaine wouldn't have any effect on her. Boy had she been wrong. From the moment she saw Castle and Kyra together, the little green monster had been an active participant in her mind.

But she had handled it, until Kyra had shown up at the loft while she and Castle had been settling down for the night. In her time before, they had met on the roof top of some building, and they had kissed. She trusted Rick. She knew he wouldn't cheat on her, but the insecurities were still there. So she had flipped out on him when he had come back from talking to Kyra in the hallway.

_***Flashback***_

"_I don't like it," Kate said after Castle had reentered the loft and they had made their way to his bedroom._

"_Don't like what?" Rick asked as he searched for something comfortable to wear._

"_I don't like her being around you," Kate said, knowing she was being petty and jealous and everything she hated. _

"_What do you mean?" he asked, turning to face her for the first time._

"_It's obvious she still has feelings for you, Rick. Or are you just blind to it?"_

"_She's getting married to another man," Castle said, starting to get annoyed. "And in case you haven't noticed, I'm kinda in a relationship right now. A pretty serious one."_

"_Yeah, well you loved her too."_

"_Exactly, Kate, LOVED. I love you. Whatever Kyra and I were 20 years ago is long over. Where is this coming from?"_

"_I don't know. I just…Would you stay here tomorrow, just so I don't have to see you with her?" she asked, sitting on the bed._

_He looked at her incredulously. "You don't trust me do you?"_

"_I…" she trailed off, because she knew that was the issue here. The Castle of her time before she trusted implicitly. She had known him for seven years and had been through many horrible things together. This Richard Castle, while still the same good man, was different. She didn't know him as well as she would like to. She still had doubts that this man might not be the same one she had fallen in love with before._

_Her silence hadn't went unnoticed by her boyfriend. "I can't believe this. You don't trust me. How…I…I don't understand how you can say you love me, talk about having a future with me and not trust me. God." He ran his hands through his hair and threw the clothes he had found on the bed in his usual spot. "I need to some space."_

_He turned and stalked out of his room. "Castle!" she shouted. She waited but he didn't come back. Then she heard it. The front door of the loft opening and closing. He had left._

_***End Flashback***_

She hadn't seen him now for three days. She had stayed at the loft that night, expecting him to cool down and come back. When he still wasn't there the next morning, she called him. He didn't answer. She had gotten dressed and drove herself into work, completely miserable and furious with herself for letting it get that far.

That day after work she had went back to the loft. She had found Martha in the kitchen, and she hadn't seen Rick either. It was at that point that Kate began to worry.

Now, three days later, she sat at her desk at the 12th precinct and thought about all the places he could have gone and how she would fix it once she found him. She did trust him. She knew he'd never cheat on her, even if she didn't feel she knew this Castle as well has she had before. Things had been going so well. But she knew where her insecurities came from.

This Richard Castle was much more closed off. She didn't know much about his history, and she had no idea where that history differed from her previous time. She knew that this Richard Castle had never been married, and that he didn't have the playboy persona that she had been worried about her first time around. That point alone should have made her trust him more, but it also made her wonder what else was different about him.

She knew that she'd been sent back to live without regrets when it came to her relationship with Castle. She also knew that she had just made a huge mistake that might not be fixable. She worried that because of his walls that he'd see this as a reason to end their relationship. She didn't know if she could handle that.

She loved him too much to let him go.

xxxx

Two weeks. He had been gone for two weeks. She knew he was okay, because he had called Martha, but he wouldn't tell her where he was at. He was just avoiding her.

The last two weeks had been terrible without him. She couldn't focus on work, she couldn't sleep, she wasn't eating, and she spent most of her alone time crying and reliving her mistake.

She sat on her couch in her living room when a knock on her door startled her. She quickly wiped away the tears that were a constant in her life now. Without checking who was on the other side of the door, she opened it and came face to face with Jessica.

If she were being completely honest with herself, Kate hadn't even thought about her time travel guide (is that what she was?) in months.

"Jessica?"

"Hello Katherine," Jessica said. "I see you're having some problems, can I come in?"

Kate stepped aside, wondering what the hell was going on. Was she being sent back to her original time? She couldn't stomach that thought. At least here Castle was alive. If she were sent back Castle would be dead, and her life would truly be over.

She led the blonde haired woman to her couch and sat down on the end of it. "What are you doing here?" Kate asked, her voice cracking.

"You've messed it up, haven't you," Jessica said bluntly.

"No! I refuse to believe that this is over. Yes, I messed up, but it's not over."

"Are you sure?"

"I…I don't know," she whispered.

"Tell me what happened."

Kate wondered why this woman cared. Kate was here. Jessica had done her duty, explained what was going on, why had she come back? Instead of asking the question, however, Kate told Jessica about the fight she and Castle had, about how he had just disappeared for two weeks and wouldn't talk to her. When she had finished, Jessica shook her head with pity in her eyes.

"I know where he is, but this is going to be tough to fix. He thinks you don't trust him, and I think he's right."

"He's not. I do trust him. But that doesn't mean I don't have doubts. Everyone doubts every once in a while."

"I'm sure that's true, but you took it to another level and called him out on it. Basically told him to his face that you didn't trust him around this other woman and would rather he not be in the same room with her. To him that means your doubts are stronger than you think they are."

"You know where he is?"

"Yes."

"Where?" Kate almost shouted, sick of this woman's run around.

"A hotel. About six blocks from here." She rattled off the address and the room number. "Fix this if you can."

"What if I can't?" Kate asked softly, dreading the answer but suspecting that she already knew it.

"Then you'll have to live the rest of your life knowing that your second chance was lost," she said bluntly. The blonde stood up, gave Kate one last piteous look, and walked to the door and left the apartment.

xxxx

What the hell was she going to say? Obviously she needed to apologize, but that wasn't going to be enough this time. Even if he took her back, it would take a lot of time for him to truly forgive and trust her again. If he ever did. She couldn't believe that after everything, she had done this to him. They'd only been together for six months or so, and she had already ruined it.

Shaking her head, she gathered her courage and knocked on the hotel room door in front of her. The trip to the hotel had been a blur of confused thoughts and mixed emotions. Now that she stood in front of his door, she knew that she wouldn't be leaving until she knew one way or the other. It was time she proved to him that she was willing to fight for them. He had done it often enough in their previous time. Now it was her turn.

xxxx

"Beckett, what do you want," were the first words out of his mouth. Kate shuddered at the memory of the last time he had spoken those words. Somehow she didn't think answering "You" would work this time. This was a different Rick Castle.

"I need to apologize and you need to listen to me."

"I don't really want to listen to you, Beckett."

"Well I don't really care, right now. You left," she shouted, getting angry. "You left and didn't give me a chance to apologize or fix this. Yes I was at fault here, Castle, but you ran away. You don't get to run away from me."

"I don't get to? What does that even mean Kate? This is my life, not yours, and you seem to think you know me better than actually do. And yes, I ran away, but that's because it breaks my heart that the one woman that I've loved in this life doesn't trust me to be faithful to her. Do you know how much that hurts? How much it ruins me?"

"Castle," Kate said, but he cut her off.

"No. You wanted to have this out, well then you can listen to me first. I love you Kate. Not anyone else, and I would never cheat on you. Never. And I thought you knew that. I thought that you loved me enough to realize that I'm in this all the way. Yes. I have walls. But I overlooked them, I walked outside of them in order to be with you. That was hard. It was so hard to put my heart at risk again, and took so much work, and then you take the first opportunity to prove to me that it wasn't worth the risk."

Kate couldn't hold back the tears anymore, and she looked away from him. This wasn't going good. She knew it wouldn't but it sounded like he was done. She looked around, suddenly remembering that she still stood in the hallway of his hotel, no doubt disturbing the entire floor with their shouting match. She pushed past Castle and stalked into his room.

She spun on her heels and asked the question she wasn't sure she wanted the answer to. "So I'm not worth it anymore?"

"You were. But you don't trust me, Kate. I can't be with someone who doesn't trust me. I just…I just can't," Castle said softly as he shut the door.

"So what. We're over? You're giving up after one mistake?"

"It wasn't a mistake and you know it!" Castle shouted, his anger returning. "It's how you feel. If it wasn't you wouldn't have said any of those things. You don't trust me. Trust is everything in a relationship, Kate. If you can't trust me, then we can't be together."

"I do trust you, Rick. I do. But I'm insecure. Everyone has their insecurities, and mine is that I worry that I'm not enough for you. That someday you're going to realize that and you'll go find someone else." While saying the words, Kate realized that this argument was much more appropriate for the previous Richard Castle, not the one standing before her. She suddenly wondered if all of this was more due to her insecurities from times past and not based on the actual personality of this new version of Rick Castle. _Well, it's too late now,_ she thought bitterly.

Castle sighed. "We're not over," he said softly, a look of defeat coming across his handsome face. "You'll always be enough for me, Katherine Beckett. Always. Never, ever doubt it. You are the only one I want, and the only one I'll ever want."

Kate sighed in relief. "I'm so sorry, Rick. So sorry. I know it's not enough, but I'm so sorry."

He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her. Kate breathed him in, so thankful for yet another second chance.

xxxx

**a.n.2. So yeah, it's a bit of a filler, but I didn't want to miss the opportunity for them to deal with the jealousy bug. **

**The next chapter we jump back into Johanna's case. Reviews are love!**


	20. Chapter 20

**a.n. So sorry for the delay. Sometimes life really sucks. My update frequency will hopefully get back to normal over the next few weeks, though it may take some time.**

**I've been accused of being obsessed with angst. There was a warning about 15 chapters ago that this story was going to be a little rocky. My advice to you, if you don't like angst or the way I right, don't read it. It's very simple.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle. **

**xxxx**

**Chapter Twenty**

_Previously…_

_Castle sighed. "We're not over," he said softly, a look of defeat coming across his handsome face. "You'll always be enough for me, Katherine Beckett. Always. Never, ever doubt it. You are the only one I want, and the only one I'll ever want."_

_Kate sighed in relief. "I'm so sorry, Rick. So sorry. I know it's not enough, but I'm so sorry."_

_He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her. Kate breathed him in, so thankful for yet another second chance._

xxxx

Kate was nervous. She knew that the case she dreaded most was quickly approaching, and she still hadn't told Castle about the tape. _Of course not,_ she thought sarcastically, _I've been too busy trying to ruin my relationship with the man I adore._ They had begun to put her jealousy event behind them, but it was rough going. She could tell that Castle still didn't trust her commitment completely. She, of course, couldn't blame him. She'd royally screwed up.

They hadn't spent as much time together outside of the precinct in the last two weeks as they had before the shit had hit the fan. He wasn't avoiding her, but they just seem to go their separate ways after work more often than they had before.

Every time Rick said goodbye to her instead of inviting her to his loft, she kicked herself for ruining the progress they had made. She knew he was weary of heartbreak and loving someone after what he had went through, and still she'd had to open her mouth and try and ruin something she knew was fragile.

So she hadn't had time to have him listen to the tape, even though she knew the Coonan case was coming up soon if events played out the same way this time around.

After closing their latest case, a double murder that had dragged on for more than a week, she pulled Castle aside before he could leave her behind again.

"Can I talk to you, Rick?"

He nodded and followed her into the breakroom, grabbing his jacket as he passed by his chair.

"Something wrong, Kate?"

She bit her lip, trying to figure out how she could get them back on track, knowing that she had to fix them before she could even think about her mom's case. He was much more important. Deciding she had nothing to lose, she grabbed him by his lapels and smashed their lips together. They hadn't been intimate with each other since their fight, and she needed that back.

It took several minutes for Castle to start kissing her back, but he finally did. _Thank God,_ Kate thought happily.

They spent that night together renewing their relationship. Several times.

xxxx

The next day, which was a day off for her, Kate played the tape for Castle. She knew she needed to do it before the Coonan case came up again, if it indeed came up. She knew her mom's case was extremely different than it had been her first time around. It wasn't Bracken on the tape, and Montgomery apparently wasn't involved either, though she hadn't ruled it out.

After playing the tape for Castle three times in his study, he said, "I don't recognize any of the voices, but that doesn't mean much. I've been pretty secluded these past seven years."

She sighed, though she hadn't really expected him to know who was on the tape. "That's okay, Rick, I don't know them either."

"This is good news, though," he said, taking the tape out of the player and handing it to her. "If we can find the people on the tape, we have the evidence to take them down. Might I make a suggestion?"

She nodded. "Sure."

"Keep the tape here. I have a safe. If the person on the tape is as powerful as I think he is, he might end up coming for the evidence. He won't know to look here, and even if he does, that safe would take a long time to crack."

She smiled at him and handed him back the tape. "Excellent idea, babe."

They spent the rest of the day going through her mom's case file, thought they didn't find anything new. After they had been at it for several hours, Castle asked, "Can I show this to someone?"

Kate looked up from the file she'd been looking at, "Who?"

"I know a forensic guy, I call him Dr. Death. He's one of the best. He might be able to find something we missed, plus he has contacts everywhere."

"If you think it'll help, sure. Though you can't let anyone at the precinct know. I'm not supposed to let a civilian make a copy of an official case file."

"Alright."

xxxx

Several more weeks went by. Things finally went back to normal in their relationship and Kate spent nearly every night at Castle's loft. They spent some time every once in a while going through her mom's case, but found nothing new.

One day they were at the precinct, Castle sitting writing at the desk he had been assigned when he was made an official consultant, and Beckett laboring over her paperwork, when Castle got a phone call.

After he hung up he said, "Kate, that was Dr. Death, he has something for us. Can we meet him this evening? Or do you have other plans?"

"No, no other plans. We were just hanging out tonight right?"

He nodded. "Yeah. He'll be by at 8, so we'll need to be home by then."

_Home?_ Kate thought. It sounded so nice to her. She knew it was way too early for them, but she couldn't wait until he asked her to move in. In her previous timeline, Castle had never asked, it had just sort of happened, though she still had her own place. They had planned to consolidate after they had been married, which of course, never happened. She had high hopes that it would play out differently this time around.

xxxx

Dr. Death, whose real name was Dr. Clark Murray, arrived a few minutes early. Castle showed him into his study and they found seats, Castle behind the desk, Murray and Kate sitting on the couch.

"Rick, you're not going to like what I found," Murray started.

"No?"

"No. The knife used on Johanna Beckett was used in several other homicides over the course of the last twenty or so years."

"So it was a serial killer?" Kate asked, wondering if this was yet another difference in this case.

Murray shook his head, "No, no every hit was professional except one where the killer left a victim alive."

"You mean there was a witness?" Rick asked, looking across his desk to where Kate sat.

"Yes." The doctor looked nervous now, failing to meet their eyes.

"Spit it out, Clark. What's got you so worried about this news?"

"It was you, Rick. The knife that was used to kill Alexis and stab you was the exact same knife that was used to kill Johanna Beckett."

_No, no this can't be happening,_ Kate though, thoroughly shocked at the news. She knew that there would be changes, but she thought that the biggest change would be the death of Alexis. She never even considered that Rick's daughter's death would be connected to her own tragic path. Blinking hard, Kate turned to Castle to see his reaction this news. Seeing the shock and grief on his face she stood, walked around the desk, and sat on his lap, hugging him tight. Right now she didn't care that they had an audience. Her Castle needed her.

Pulling away, she looked into his blue eyes.

Finally breaking the silence, he asked "How? How are they connected? It doesn't make any sense."

"I don't know Rick." She turned to face Dr. Death, who was looking extremely uncomfortable. "What evidence do you have? Are you sure they are connected?"

"Yes, I am sure," the doctor said defensively. "There are two things that make me sure. First we have a cast of the knife. There is a nick in the blade, and it is present in every cast we have. The odds of it being a different knife with the same nick in the same spot are astronomical. Second, there were metal shards left in both Alexis and your mom, and they are an exact match."

Kate could feel the tears welling up in her eyes. She had so hoped that her mom's case would be easier this time around. All she wanted to do was be with Castle and live her life like she had failed to do the first time around. Instead fate had determined that she would still need to have the cloud of death over her every day. Worse, it had forced Castle to live under that same cloud.

Sighing, she stood up from Castle's lap then took his hand in hers. "Is there anything else you can tell us?"

"The killer has to be a man, probably about six foot tall, and very strong. Some of the wounds would have been very hard to make for a smaller person."

"Can you leave you findings?" She asked, hoping to have Lanie take a look at them to confirm Murray's findings.

"Sure. Everything you need is in this box, including the location of the evidence I pulled from. If this is a hired contractor, you should do something to get that evidence to a safe place. You never know what connections the person behind all this has." The doctor stood, shook their hands and made his way out of Castle's loft.

The loft was silent for a long time. Kate was lost in a world of complete shock. She didn't know what to do. It was supposed to be easy, but it wasn't.

She was brought out of her thoughts when Castle asked in a soft voice, "Did you know?"

Letting go of his hand she turned to face him, "What!? How could I have known?" _He can't think that I had something to do with this, can he?_

"I didn't think you did. I believe you. But it is one hell of a coincidence don't you think? Not only are these two cases connected, but you and I are partners and in a relationship. It just seems so…so…unlikely. And I'm sorry for implying that you knew. I know you didn't set up our meeting, that doesn't' make any sense either. I'm just in shock." He was rambling, which kept her anger under control.

She flopped back down on his lap and wiped away the tears that had managed to flow down her cheeks. "I'm just as shocked as you are, Rick. How could this be real even? If what he said was true, then someone hired a hitman to kill my mom and you and your daughter. What links the two? I think it's time you told me exactly what happened that day Alexis died."

xxxx

**a.n.2. His story will come up in the next chapter, as well as some theory building regarding this case. I'm hoping that this isn't too farfetched for you guys. I do have an explanation for the two cases being connected. But it'll take some time for that reason to become apparent, so hopefully I don't lose too many people. **

**The next chapter should be up sometime next week.**

**Please leave a review!**


	21. Chapter 21

**a.n. First, if you're an Alexis fan, you'll probably dislike this chapter. But you already know she died, now you get the story. It's pretty dark, but nothing that should up the rating. Just violent. I tried to capture the emotions here, I hope I've done a decent job of it. I can't imagine what it would be like to lose a child, so even as angsty as I made this, the reality is most likely so much worse. Just keep in mind that I tried.**

**Second, thanks everyone for the reviews and favs. I don't thank you as often as I should, for that I apologize. Thanks to everyone who takes the time to send along a few words. You all mean so much to me.**

**Finally, just to set the scene (though there is a previous section below), Kate and Rick just found out that Alexis' and Kate's mom's cases are related somehow. Rick is about to tell the story of how Alexis died. Kate is sitting on Castle's lap, with his arms around her. **

**Disclaimer: In this world, I do not own Castle. Maybe in some alternate dimension I do. That'd be pretty damn cool. Maybe I could meet Stana there.**

**xxxx**

_Previously…_

_She flopped back down on his lap and wiped away the tears that had managed to flow down her cheeks. "I'm just as shocked as you are, Rick. How could this be real even? If what he said was true, then someone hired a hitman to kill my mom and you and your daughter. What links the two? I think it's time you told me exactly what happened that day Alexis died."_

xxxx

Castle sighed and said, "This is hard to talk about, Kate, but you deserve to know. Alexis was almost 10 years old, and she was going to a private school about six blocks from here." Castle cleared his throat and continued, "at the time I was trying my hand at writing two things at once. It was something that I had wanted to try for a long time, but was always too immature to attempt. I've always had a passion for non-fiction, specifically true crime and the like. To me it was like taking my fiction novels that focused on fictional crimes into the real world. I decided to focus on cases that were unsolved.

"I was wrapped up in it for over a year before she died, and I found that I liked having the extra work. I could focus on either non-fiction or fiction while she was at school, and I enjoyed balancing the two. Up until that point I was pretty wild. I embraced the playboy lifestyle, even though I kept it as far away from Alexis as possible, and I enjoyed going out and drinking and partying until sunrise. I relied a lot on Mother during those times.

"One day when Alexis was about to turn nine, she asked me why I was always partying. She told me how some of her friends had found out about my life choices and had made fun of her about it. God, Kate, I was so ashamed. I had never wanted to curl up and die before, but at that moment I can say I felt like I was a failure as a father. It was terrible. It was then that I cleaned up my act. I vowed to make Alexis proud of the man I knew I could be. And I did that for a year. I found a publisher for my non-fiction books, and renegotiated my contract with Gina so that I could do both.

"Life was looking up. Alexis was getting ready to skip a grade and enter junior high, and I was taking my writing career seriously for the first time since college." Castle hastily wiped tears from his eyes and then squeezed her tighter, obviously looking for support, "It all came crashing down one day while I was walking Alexis home from school. We were walking through an alley about four blocks from here when a masked man jumped out at us. Alexis was walking slightly in front of me, as usual as she was anxious to get home to read her school books, so the man was able to get to her first. He…he didn't even say anything, he just grabbed her by the hair and stabbed her twice in the chest. God, there was so much blood, and it happened so fast. One minute we were walking along talking about what she had learned in school that day, the next minute pints of blood were pouring out of her chest and she was sinking to her knees.

"The worst part was I just stood there. I just stood there and watched my angel murdered before my eyes. I did nothing, Kate! Nothing!" He was openly sobbing now, and Kate wasn't any less affected. She couldn't even imagine his pain. Sure she had lost her mother, but she wasn't there when her mom died. She'd seen pictures, but to actually see her bleed out and not be able to do anything? She couldn't imagine the pain that would have caused her. Then she had a terrible thought, _I did this. By coming back I did this to him._ She knew that she didn't really have a choice, but it didn't help the guilt she felt at causing him so much pain.

Before Kate could console him, or dwell much further on her guilt, Rick continued, "Before I could even do anything else, the bastard had the knife in me. I think he was going to stab me more than twice, but at that moment someone walked by the alley where we were walking and the man, obviously not wanting any witnesses, ran off. I didn't even feel the pain. By that time, I had finally realized what was going on and was able to crawl to where Alexis lay. She was already gone. I…I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye."

The office got quiet after that. Kate, still sitting on Castle's lap, wrapped her arms around her boyfriend and hugged him tight. She didn't have the words to make it better. There were no words. What could she say? 'I'm sorry?' That would mean little.

After they sat there for several minutes, Castle was able to get his emotions under control. Kate leaned back, the evidence of tears still on her lovely face, and said, "If you don't want to tell me more today, Rick, I'll understand. I can't even imagine how hard that was for you to tell me."

"No, it's…it's better I do it now all at once. And believe it or not, it's easier to talk about now than it once was. My shrink has been helping me, and he'd be proud of me for telling you." He took a few calming breaths and then said, "I was in the hospital for a month. The wounds weren't terrible, but I got infected after the surgery so I had to stay until they were sure that everything was all better. Once I was out, we held the service, and then I buried myself in her case. I told you about that, remember?" She nodded, remembering their conversation during their first dinner as partners. "I managed to get the file, and I did everything I could to keep the case open. But after a month, they shut it down, even with the strings I pulled to keep it open. I kept going. I used my connections to look everywhere for who might have killed her. I looked at almost every angle I could think of, and in the end I realized that they had to have been after me. I just didn't know why. Was it a deranged fan? Had I stumbled upon some state secret that meant I had to die? Did it have something to do with my research? Or was it just a random asshole who liked killing people?

"The guy didn't say a word. He didn't try to rob us, he didn't try to shake us down for anything, he just grabbed Alexis and killed her and then tried to kill me. No words. He was wearing all black and had gloves on. All I can remember about him is that he had brown eyes, which of course doesn't mean much. But I'll remember those eyes until the day I die. They were so cold. It was almost like he had no soul.

"After two years of obsessing with the case, I realized that it was a lost cause. Through those two years I was severely depressed and had been put on antidepressants. I OD'd on them one afternoon, wanting it all to end. Rationally I know I wanted it to end. I didn't have any reason to live at that point. But I conned myself into believing that if I took more of the pills maybe I'd be able to start living again. Mother found me unconscious right here in this office. I was in the hospital for four weeks, and almost died several times. Even after I left and started getting help from a therapist, I wished often that I had been successful. I never tried again though. After a few months, I was able to start writing again. Nothing that will ever be published, but it was a start. A few months after that and I was able to start in on the next Derrick Storm novel. I never again attempted to write true crime, as it was just a reminder of everything I had lost."

They sat in silence again. Kate was awestruck by the strength of this man. He had once called her extraordinary. He was the extraordinary one. He had fought to live when he thought he had no reason to live. Even she hadn't been that low. Sure she had gotten into booze and sex after her mom died, and had even tried several drugs, but she had never considered ending it all.

She looked him in the eyes, and said finally, "Rick. She would be so proud of the man you have become. She would want you to live your life, and you have. Yes you faltered there for a while, but you persevered and are now a strong, caring, amazing man. She would be so happy that you're still here, fighting every day to live your life. You live for her, don't ever forget that." _Wow, Kate,_ she thought, _that was so grown up._

"Thank you, Kate." He surged forward and captured her lips with his own. She could taste the tears he had shed, but also the love he had for her. Closing her eyes, she pulled herself closer and deepened the kiss.

When they finally pulled apart, Castle said, "I love you, Kate Beckett."

"And I love you, Richard Castle."

xxxx

They decided to put some distance between the telling of Castle's story and their discussion of the case itself. They went to the kitchen to get a late dinner.

While they were eating, Kate asked, "Should we just leave this alone, Rick?"

Looking up from his baked pasta dish, "What do you mean?"

"I mean, we've both been burned by going too far investigating this case. It's obvious that somehow there is someone behind these two cases. I mean a serial killer is possible, but it feels bigger than that to me. What if we burry ourselves in this case again?"

"I'm scared about that too, Kate, but do we have a choice? Sure we could put it out of sight, out of mind, but eventually one of us is going to reopen the case. Whether it's for new information, or just because we can't stand not to, it will happen. And now we have each other. We can watch each other and make sure neither one of us gets too far into it."

Kate nodded, happy with that answer. She wanted to look into the case, if for no other reason than to get answers for Rick. He deserved to have answers. She wanted answers too, but she cared more about his justice than her own. _That is the biggest difference between this time and my last life, _Kate thought_, Rick is finally more important than anything else, even myself._

xxxx

**a.n.2. A little short, but I think that is a great place to end it.**

**The whole point of this fic is to allow Kate to correct her mistakes. She's already done a pretty good job of it, by starting a relationship with Castle. But there are other aspects of her time before that she needed to learn from, namely always putting herself and her mom's case above her love for Rick Castle. In this chapter that finally comes to her, and she grows up a little.**

**Please leave a review and let me know what you think. Next chapter sometime next week.**


	22. Chapter 22

**a.n. So this chapter takes another left turn. Like the show, we're not going to get all the case details right away, instead it'll be spread out. So we'll be leaving the big case behind for a couple chapters before we get back to it. With this story, I'm enjoying the changes quite a bit, so I hope I don't go overboard. Let me know if you think I'm going over the top.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Castle. I bought a T-shirt once, though.**

**xxxx**

_Previously…_

"_I'm scared about that too, Kate, but do we have a choice? Sure we could put it out of sight, out of mind, but eventually one of us is going to reopen the case. Whether it's for new information, or just because we can't stand not to, it will happen. And now we have each other. We can watch each other and make sure neither one of us gets too far into it."_

_Kate nodded, happy with that answer. She wanted to look into the case, if for no other reason than to get answers for Rick. He deserved to have answers. She wanted answers too, but she cared more about his justice than her own. That is the biggest difference between this time and my last life, Kate thought, Rick is finally more important than anything else, even myself._

xxxx

It had been a week since they had started their investigation into the case. They had spent several hours going through both cases files, but hadn't found anything that could connect the two murders. Kate was very concerned that the Coonan case hadn't come up yet. They'd already worked two cases that, if she remembered correctly, had happened _after_ the Coonan case in her previous timeline.

She was worried that perhaps that case wouldn't come up at all this time around, and would leave them with one less clue as to who could have committed the murders.

She and Castle had decided the night before to set it aside for a week before moving onto whatever their next step would be. They had spent the night enjoying each other's company and relaxing after a taxing week of work and extracurricular case work.

They had went to bed late, and had spent another two hours making love before falling asleep in each other's arms. Kate was woken from a particularly explicit dream by the ringtone on her phone. Groaning she picked the annoying device up from the nightstand and connected the call.

"Beckett."

"Yes, I'd like to report a murder," a male voice said over the line. Kate's blood ran cold. She remembered the case that had started out like this vividly, though she had been at the precinct when she had taken the call last time instead of lying in bed with Castle's arm possessively wrapped around her stomach. Another difference she noticed right away was this was not Scott Dunn, or at least it wasn't his voice. She'd never forget his voice.

Trying to keep her voice calm, Kate asked, "Do you have an address?"

"Where's the fun in that?" the voice asked.

Wondering how the hell she's going to get a trace when she's not at the precinct, Kate asked, "Okay, who is this?"

"Oh, I'm a big fan of yours Nikki."

"Uh, okay, tell me more about this murder then."

"I did it. That's about all you need to know for now."

Kate heard the phone drop from the man's hand. "Hello? Hello?" Cursing under her breath, Kate squeezed Castle's hand, hoping he was awake.

"Castle?"

"Who was that, Kate?"

"I need your phone, then go get ready, there's been a murder."

He untangled himself from her and grabbed his phone. Handing it to her he said, "That wasn't dispatch."

"No. It wasn't. I'll explain soon as I call it in, okay?"

xxxx

It took them an inordinate amount of time to get a trace on the still open phone call. Once they did, Kate discovered that the murder wasn't at Grand Central Station like it had been the last time, instead they found the body in the lobby of the main branch of the New York Public Library.

Walking around the scene, Kate saw that like the last time, the murder victim was a middle-aged male who appeared to have been shot.

"What do you have, Lanie?" Beckett asked.

"Name is Alex Peterman, lives near Dobbs Ferry. Wasn't a robbery. Business card says he's a personal injury attorney."

"Was he really killed at the library at six in the morning?" Castle asked.

"No. Preliminary time of death is right after the library closed at 9PM last night."

Kate turned to Esposito who had just walked up, "Do we know how the killer got into the library or why he waited until early morning to call it in?"

"As for the second question, no idea, but there are signs of a break-in near the rear entrance."

"How did no one hear the shots, I wonder?" Castle said, looking around. "Surely this building has security around the clock? And what about an alarm system?"

"They do," Ryan said, coming to stand beside Esposito. "The guard, however, was on the other side of the building most of the night dealing with taggers. The alarm system has been broken for over a month, but with budget concerns they haven't been able to get it fixed."

"Gotta love New York. Okay, do we have anything on the taggers?" Kate asked?

Ryan shook his head. "No, they kept coming back, but ran off before the guard could get close."

While the group finished at the crime scene, Kate pondered the differences this case had presented so far. She wondered why it was so different. She was almost positive that it wasn't the same person, Scott Dunn, as it had been before, but the motive seemed the same. _What the hell is going on,_ she thought as she and Castle got into her cruiser.

"You said he called you Nikki?" Castle asked when she pulled out into traffic heading towards the 12th precinct.

"Yeah."

"So this might be some deluded fan who knows you're the one I based the character on."

"All we can do is work the case, Rick."

"I know, but I'm worried Kate. This just feels off to me. He's not going to stop at one, and if he has an obsession with you, he might come after you."

"I know babe, but it's not as if I'll go looking for trouble, and I'll be safe. I promise." She reached over and took his hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

xxxx

Despite the initial differences in the case, Lanie still found the word _Nikki _engraved on the bullets found in the victim. Also like the last time, she and Castle had been called into Captain Montgomery's office to talk about the case.

"Does he realize she's a fictional character?" Montgomery asked when they entered his office.

"Obviously he's delusional. But the character is based on Detective Beckett, so maybe he is confusing the two."

"What do we have on the forensics front," the captain asked Beckett.

"Given that the murder scene was a public place, CSU found thousands of fingerprints, many more fibers and a ton of DNA samples. It's going to take time, a lot of time, to get all that to go through. The guy on the phone told me it might be a month. Or two."

At that moment, as Kate was expecting, Ryan poked his head into the Captain's office and said, "Beckett, guy on the phone is asking for Detective Heat."

The group, including the captain, moved to Beckett's desk out in the bullpen.

"Beckett," Kate said, answering the phone.

"Hello, Nikki. Did you get the first part of my message?"

"Yes, I did."

"Well, then, good job! You'll find the second part is at the Central Park carousel."

Kate groaned inwardly, knowing exactly what they'd find on the carousel. The line went dead and she hung up the receiver.

She looked at Rick and said, "This is going to get a lot worse."

xxxx

After they had talked to Lanie about the body drop, Kate and her partner walked around the murder scene. The body was displayed on the carousel. The scene had been shut down, with cops all over the place. Kate kept her eyes out for any signs of anyone suspicious, remembering that they suspected the murderer had been at both the crime scenes observing the cops work.

After a brief look around, Kate turned to Castle and said, "It's not your fault, you know?" She knew that he'd be feeling guilty about this, and she didn't want him to dwell on something that he couldn't change.

"I know, but a little part of me doesn't believe it, and probably never will. And it will be worse if you get hurt by this bastard."

She stopped for a minute, grabbed his arm, and wrapped him in a hug. "I'm going to be fine, Rick, we'll get him. Alright?"

He pulled back and gave her a smile. "Alright." The couple were brought out of their embrace by several large black SUVs pulling up to the crime scene tape.

Kate groaned. "FBI is here." She had really hoped that Jordan Shaw wouldn't show up this time around.

Castle glanced over at her and smirked, "Either that or the President is due for a visit."

Before she could come back with a witty response, Jordan Shaw stepped out of one of the SUVs and started ordering her team to rope off a perimeter around the carousel.

"No way," Rick said, a big smile on his face.

"Wait, what? You know her?" Kate asked turning to look at him.

"Sure. Went to college with her, and she helped me a little on Alexis' case until she got pulled by her boss."

_Well that's different, _Kate thought snidely. Shaw walked up to them.

"Nikki Heat, I presume," was her opening line. _So original, _Kate thought sarcastically. She knew that she had to get her jealousy under control or she would risk another fight with Castle, which she could not afford to do.

"Kate Beckett, actually."

Shaw turned to Castle and said, "Rick Castle, I had heard you started shadowing an NYPD detective. How do you like it?"

Rick smiled, "Jordan. I love it. Sure does give me something productive to do, and the people I work with have been fantastic."

Controlling her blush, Kate asked, "You're going to take over, I take it?"

"Yes, but don't think of it as a take over. You'll be on the team. I've tracked this particular killer before, so I know his MO. Frankly, we're going to need all the help we can get."

xxxx

As before, the FBI invaded the 12th precinct homicide division. Kate and the boys watched as their home was swamped with high tech toys the NYPD could never afford, and dozens of people wearing suits that were bought from the same rack.

As Kate watched the invasion of her home, she knew that this case was going to be extremely different than it had before. She also knew that she had to stick close to Castle and that she needed to stay out of her apartment this time. The last thing she needed was to get blown up, or worse let Castle get blown up. _What if the bomb is in Castle's loft this time,_ Kate wondered worriedly. She had no clue how to handle this situation. If there ended up being a bomb again, where would this new killer place it? Would they place it in her apartment? Or Castle's Loft?

Kate sighed and turned back to her computer. Whatever happened, she'd need to keep her eyes out. She couldn't lose Castle.

xxxx

Luckily for Kate, Castle seemed to have no romantic interest in Jordan Shaw, and he wasn't nearly as enthralled with her as he had been the last time around. That did wonders for Kate's jealousy problem.

They were currently in the War Room while Shaw's team ran finger prints and DNA from both of their crime scenes.

"We're running everything we got through all the databases we have access to," Shaw explained to Beckett and Castle when she spotted them in the room.

"I thought there was a backlog at the lab?" Kate asked.

"I have a Federal fast pass, so I get to jump the line. Currently we're running 30 or so leads that we found at both crime scenes. We're then putting it into a matrix to see if we have any evidence that ties the scenes and/or the victims together. We're also doing a matrix with what we know of both victims." She pulled up a grid with the information they had on the victims.

"The first victim, Alex Peterman and the second victim, Michelle Lewis, belonged to the same gym, but went to different locations. They were both members of MOMA and they both adopted cats from the New York Humane Society.

"What we're likely dealing with here is a male, mid-to-late-30s, obsessive in nature, but exceedingly intelligent. Most likely a college graduate, and it wouldn't surprise me to see him be an overachiever."

"It sounds like you admire him," Kate said, forgetting that she had said the same words in the previous timeline.

"I admire him the way Robert Shaw admired the shark in Jaws. The better I know him, the easier he'll be to catch."

Castle nodded along. "Same for writing a murderer, the better you can get in their head and understand them, the more realistic it comes across for the reader."

"Well this guy," Shaw continued, "seems to like public places, so he's a voyeur, and it wouldn't surprise me to find out that he likes to set fires, mostly because he'd love the attention. It could be what drew him to Nikki Heat in the first place. Her name. I have a few people going through _Heat Wave_ to see if we can get any clues to what happens next."

xxxx

They were driving to interview on of the leads they had found, when Shaw asked the same question she had before, "So how long have you two been sleeping together?"

Kate blushed, "Is that really relevant?" Shaw didn't need to know about her relationship with Castle.

Castle, who was sitting in the back seat of the SUV just smiled, which Shaw caught out of the corner of her eye.

"You have something to say back there, Mr. Castle?"

"No, ma'am. I just knew that, as an FBI profiler, you're unlikely to let something like that go at face value."

"Well it wouldn't be very professional of me not to know who I'm working with. Will this be a problem?"

"No," they said together.

When they get to the suspect's apartment, Shaw said, "Okay, we're here. You stay in the car, Mr. Castle."

He nodded and then kept looking around the backseat of the SUV. While he didn't touch things like he had in her previous timeline, a part of Kate was happy that there was still that innate curiosity within him that had him observing his surroundings.

The females got out of the SUV, and as they were approaching the building's entrance, the suspect appeared around the corner, saw them and took off towards where they had parked the SUV. Unfortunately for him, he got too close to it and Castle opened the door and the suspect ran head first into solid steel, falling to the pavement unconscious.

Castle looked down at the fallen suspect, and back up at the two women then back to the suspect and said with a small smile, "I think he might have hurt the door."

xxxx

**a.n.2. I know this is a little dry, but this is one of my favorite cases, so it's going to be at least four chapters worth of content, at least the way it looks right now. There will be some significant changes in store, some of which you can already guess at. **

**You'll also see Castle start to act more like the Castle we all know and love. His time with Kate, and is background work with the therapist will see a lot of things change during the rest of the story. He's going to get better, just like Kate did over the seasons in canon.**

**Please leave a review and let me know what you think!**


	23. Chapter 23

**a.n. So here's the next chapter. I am a little worried about the amount of reviews I got last chapter. IDK if the low number means that the previous chapter was terrible or if you guys are getting bored with this. Please let me know. If you're getting bored I'll wrap it up within the next five chapters. If not, we'll visit some other canon cases. Review and let me know.**

**Disclaimer: Nope.**

**xxxx**

_Previously…_

_The females got out of the SUV, and as they were approaching the building's entrance, the suspect appeared around the corner, saw them and took off towards where they had parked the SUV. Unfortunately for him, he got too close to it and Castle opened the door and the suspect ran head first into solid steel, falling to the pavement unconscious. _

_Castle looked down at the fallen suspect, and back up at the two women then back to the suspect and said with a small smile, "I think he might have hurt the door."_

xxxx

The suspect, Donald Salt, had sold his finger online. Even hearing it for a second time had sickened Beckett. How could someone willingly cut off their finger for a little bit of money? To her it didn't seem worth it, but then she liked her fingers.

Also like the last time they found a secret code on Salt's finger, and Castle solved it again. It did lead to a different clue than it had before. Looking out at the printout that the FBI had passed around, Kate read,

"_I am going to kill Nikki. But first we're going to have some fun. Midnight tonight is the beginning of the next chapter."_

A chill ran down Kate's spine as she read the message for what seemed like the hundredth time since they had cracked it over an hour before.

She and Castle were sitting on the edge of her desk looking at the murder board, trying to figure out where to go next. Like before, Kate shunned the fancy toys of the FBI, even though she knew that they were helpful. There was just something about her old-school ways that made the process more comfortable for her. Castle hadn't commented on it, but he had also been very quiet since they had cracked the code.

"Something wrong, babe," she asked, after looking around to make sure no one was listening in.

"He's going to come after you, Kate," Castle said softly, looking at her. She could see the fear in his eyes, and she knew that he was reliving some of his worst memories.

"Hey," she said, reaching out to him. "It's going to be okay. And if it makes you feel better, I'll not leave your sight until we solve it. You'll protect me, right?"

He tried to smile, but it came out as more of a grimace when he said, "Not that I'm any good at protecting those I love." He looked back at the board, his eyes full with unreleased emotion.

She grabbed his arm and dragged him into the break room. She glared at a couple of uniforms, letting them know that they needed to vacate the premises, then shut the door and the blinds.

"You listen to me, Richard Castle. I love you. But sometimes you're a bit thick. What happened to Alexis was not your fault. And if, God forbid, something happens to me, it won't be your fault either. We'll get through this together as always, alright. You and me."

He looked at her gratefully and hugged her. Kate wrapped her arms around her man, thinking that she was glad she was here to support him. She was amazed at how much different this timeline had turned out to be. She had gotten together with her Castle, so she had succeeded with eliminating a lot of her regrets, but there were still obstacles that she had to overcome. She knew the biggest one would be making sure this version of Rick Castle was strong and happy. She hoped she was strong enough to help him.

xxxx

One of the differences she had noticed in this case as they got closer to finding the patsy (for she still suspected the real killer was setting someone up to take the fall before coming after her), was that Castle hadn't overshadowed her as he had the first time around. She could remember him clicking instantaneously with Jordan Shaw, and how jealous she had been when they had built theory together. This time while they did built theory together, they included Kate, which made he feel better. She knew she would still have to ask what his relationship was with Shaw when they were in college. Not that it mattered to her, but she could sense that there had been something between them, though she wasn't sure what it was. She knew that she didn't have to worry now as the FBI agent was apparently happily married with a young child.

They had come up empty when searching for employees of mortuaries that fit their profile, which Kate knew would be the case. The time before, they were briefing the captain when the killer had called again. This time they were just about to shut it down for the night when they got the call.

"He's calling again, Beckett," Ryan said. Kate had been in the breakroom cleaning out her coffee mug. She placed the mug on the drying rack, and rushed out to her desk.

"We're tracing detective," and FBI tech said. Kate picked up the phone.

"Beckett."

"You're not a very good detective, Nikki. You were supposed to catch me. I wanted you to catch me. That's how this chapter is supposed to end."

The killer put the phone down, but didn't hang up. After they had traced the call they ended up in a parking garage just like last time. This time, instead of finding no body, the body of a young woman was propped up against a far wall. Kate wondered why this time it was different. Before this body had shown up outside her apartment after Castle had spent the night.

She remembered that night fondly, though it still held the tint of regret that all her memories from the last time line brought her. That was really the first time she came close to being with Castle. She, of course, wished she had acted on her feelings that night. Perhaps things would have been different.

_Styrofoam temple,_ Kate thought, trying to hide her smirk as she remembered. Smiling while looking over a dead body was not appropriate. _At least this time Ryan and Esposito won't catch us in our sleepwear,_ she thought.

The victim was the same as the last time around, and they found that the bullets had the same markings on them as the previous two vics.

_Nikki Will Burn_

She really could have done without the whole burning thing this time. By the time they made it to the loft (because Castle wasn't letting her sleep alone at her apartment), it was very late. Surprisingly they found Martha at home for once.

The season actress had, as she had done in the previous timeline, been seeing a man named Chet. He'd asked her to move in with him, and the woman was apparently stressing over the decision, if the sight of an empty wine bottle was anything to go by.

"Martha, make a decision?" Kate asked as she hung up her jacket.

The woman huffed. "No." Castle went up to her and put an arm around her shoulders. "I have no clue what to do."

"Well, Mother, I know that you only moved in here to be with me after…after Alexis died, so maybe it'll be good for you to get back out there. Alexis would want us to live. Kate's shown me that." Castle looked up at the detective and smiled softly.

Martha patted Castle's hand, "You're probably right. So how goes the case?"

Beckett walked up and started to rummage around the kitchen for something to eat. They'd been running around flat out since the call had come in, and she was starving. "Three victims, but the FBI has come in to assist in the case. The killer seems to be fixated on me."

"How are you holding up, Richard?" Martha asked. Castle had moved to the refrigerator to look for any leftovers they might have.

He looked at Kate and asked "Spaghetti?" She nodded. He took out a container from the fridge and plopped it in the microwave. Then he turned to answer his mother. "I'm fine as long as Kate says safe."

Kate smiled at him and wrapped an arm around his waist. She loved this man. She would stay safe for him at all costs.

xxxx

_Next Morning…The Morgue…_

"So Lanie, what do you have?"

"No ID yet," the ME said, looking up as Kate and Castle entered the morgue. They'd went to bed right after a hastily prepared meal, and crashed almost as soon as their heads had hit their pillows. "As you saw at the scene, the last word is Burn. Nikki Will Burn. I also found formaldehyde on her."

"The other victims had that too," Castle said.

"Yeah, but this was under her fingernails and in her hair. She worked with it. I also found traces of clay, polyurethane and animal blood. I don't know who she is, but I can tell you what she does."

"She's a taxidermist," Kate and Rick said at the same time.

"So cute, the way you two do that." Kate just smiled.

xxxx

The third victim was named Sandra Keller. They found the taxidermy shop she worked at, and discovered that she'd had a run in with a guy who matched the sketch they had from witnesses at the second crime scene.

Kate noticed that the case seemed to be leading them to Ben Conrad just like it had in the previous timeline. They were able to find, through a dog that Conrad had taken to that taxidermy shop that Conrad had broken into the shop after Keller refused to do business with him. They found that Conrad had connections to all three victims, just like before. It wasn't long before Jordan Shaw had the entire team ready to go take Conrad down.

It went down as it had before. There wasn't a lot Kate could do about saving Conrad's life since she wasn't allowed into the apartment, and she couldn't find a way to let them know what was going on without trying to explain she was from the future.

Kate knew that Conrad wasn't their killer. She'd talked about it with Shaw and Castle after they had returned from the scene, expressing her concerns that the man who was killed wasn't their man, but there had been one difference she hadn't seen. The man hadn't made the mistake with his hands this time, so there was no proof that the man who was in the window wasn't Ben Conrad. Kate remembered that Castle had noticed how one of them was left handed while the gunshot was on the other side. Since that wasn't the case this time, she had no evidence to support her theory. She could tell that Castle believed her, but he wasn't a cop and could do nothing.

All she knew was that she shouldn't be anywhere near her apartment until she knew for sure. She just hoped the man didn't know where Castle lived. So she and Castle went back to the loft. Martha wasn't home, so they decided that they would turn in early after a shower, which the decided to share.

Kate couldn't fail to notice the similarities of this scene and the one from her previous timeline. She had been in the shower the last time too. The difference was this time she was with Castle. It made her very nervous.

"You believe me right, Rick," she asked as she soaped up his back.

"Of course. The question is how do we prove it? Shaw will be gone in the morning, and it's going to take proof to get her to keep the investigation open." He turned around and grabbed the shampoo that she used. Before he squeezed any out, he bent down and gave her a small kiss. "We'll figure it out, we always do."

Kate grabbed the shampoo bottle from his hand and put it back on the shelf. She leant up and pressed her lips back to his. Their passion was just getting started when they were interrupted by a chilling voice.

"Goodbye, Nikki. Goodbye, Nikki."

xxxx

**a.n.2. Yes, I know. Cliff hanger. But hey if canon can get away with it so can I. I hope that the end didn't feel rushed. Let me know what you think by leaving a review!**


	24. Chapter 24

**a.n. So I had some complaints the last chapter about sticking too close to canon. This one will eliminate any of those complaints. **

**As in any time travel fic, there comes a point where any foreknowledge is completely useless because of the changes the character who went back in time has made. Kate is almost there. There will still be some similarities, but this chapter changes EVERYTHING, mainly due to a mistake on Kate's part. This is perhaps the most important chapter in the story thus far. I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it.**

**Disclaimer: The life we live, is the life we live. Even though I live life lively, I still for the life of me can't understand why people think I could own Castle. **

**xxxx**

_Previously…_

"_You believe me right, Rick," she asked as she soaped up his back._

"_Of course. The question is how do we prove it? Shaw will be gone in the morning, and it's going to take proof to get her to keep the investigation open." He turned around and grabbed the shampoo that she used. Before he squeezed any out, he bent down and gave her a small kiss. "We'll figure it out, we always do."_

_Kate grabbed the shampoo bottle from his hand and put it back on the shelf. She leant up and pressed her lips back to his. Their passion was just getting started when they were interrupted by a chilling voice._

"_Goodbye, Nikki. Goodbye, Nikki."_

xxxx

When Kate woke up she was very confused and her head hurt like no tomorrow. She could also feel that she was on a bed of some sort. She slowly opened her eyes, only to quickly slam them shut again because of the blinding lights. Slowly she opened them again, squinting against the glare. She soon came to the realization that she was in the hospital, but had no recollection as to how she got there.

She thought back trying to remember what had led to her being in this ridiculously bright hospital room. She looked around the room but didn't see Castle anywhere. It was the thought of Castle that reminded her of what had happened. They were showering together…she remembered that things were just about to get interesting when she heard…something. She couldn't remember. Thinking back she tried to remember the case they were working on. _The killer must have rigged Castle's loft, DAMMIT, why didn't I think of that?_

_Where's Castle?_ She started to panic when she finally figured out what must have happened. She tried to sit up only to discover that it caused her to become very dizzy.

"Easy there, Kate." Kate looked up, trying to see who had spoken.

"Rick?" she whispered.

When the world finally stopped spinning, and she was back leaning against the inclined bed, she saw Castle standing beside her bed.

"Yeah, I'm here. You need to lean back, you have a major concussion."

Kate looked him over and noticed that his arm was in a sling. "Are you…are you hurt?"

"A broken wrist. No writing for a while, but other than that I'm fine. When I realized what was happening, I pushed us down in the tub and covered you with my body. I got a couple burns on my back but it shouldn't even scar. You would have been fine, but I…uh…kinda banged your head on the way down."

Kate could feel her eyelids slipping closed. She didn't realize that she said something life changing before sleep claimed her.

xxxx

When she woke up next, she was much more aware of what was going on. She looked around the room and saw her dad on the couch reading a fishing magazine. She looked to her right and found Rick sitting in the chair looking at her with an odd expression.

"Hey," she said, wondering why he was looking at her in such a weird way.

"Hey," he said, giving her a small smile. "I'm going to go get some coffee. I'll give you and your dad some time together." He got up, gave her hand a squeeze and left the room.

Jim had stood up and made his way over to the side of her bed. "Hi Katie."

"Hi dad."

"That's quite a man you have there," her father said, following tradition by ignoring her injuries. They didn't do the concerned parent thing, they never had.

"Yeah. Sorry I haven't had time to introduce you."

"No, it's fine. You know how often I've been out of the country lately, so it's not surprising you forgot all about your good ol' dad."

"Dad," she groaned. He was not going to make her feel guilty about her relationship with Castle. Though she did feel a pang of regret that she had let her relationship with her father go by the wayside in favor of focusing on her relationship with Castle.

"Just teasing, Katie. I'm so glad you're okay. And I'm happy you're dating your favorite author. I read about it in the paper. Nearly spilled my coffee too."

Kate rolled her eyes. "I am sorry for not calling. It's been a rough few months."

"So when's the wedding," Jim asked with a smirk.

"Dad! Seriously. Stop right now." The last thing she needed was for Castle to come in to find her discussing wedding details with her father. They weren't anywhere near marriage yet. At least he wasn't. She'd been ready for what seemed like years.

"Alright. But I've missed teasing you."

"I missed you too, Dad. I'll make sure to call more often. And when we get out of here the three of us should get dinner or something."

They talked for several more minutes then Jim took his leave, saying he had to get back to work. As he was leaving the room, Rick came back in.

"Hey, babe," Kate said, looking at the coffee in his hand with a greedy glint in her eye. God, she needed caffeine.

"Hey. And no, you can't have coffee. I already asked. Sorry."

"You are so damn mean."

"Uh, huh. Luckily this isn't coffee. It's decaffeinated tea." He handed her the cup.

"Thanks. I guess."

Castle sat down in the chair beside her bed and looked at her. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm better now. My head still hurts like I got run over by a dump truck, but other than that, I'm peachy."

"Good."

They sat there in silence for several minutes.

"Kate?"

"Yeah?"

"When you fell back to sleep you…uh…said something odd."

"Oh?" _What could I have said that made him look at me like that? _She remembered the odd look he had given her when she woke up for the second time.

"Yeah. You said, 'It didn't happen like that the first time.' What did you mean by that?"

Before she could school her reaction, she paled. _Oh, no. How could I be so stupid? Can I lie? Can I tell him it was just a symptom of the concussion? Would he believe me? Or should I tell him the truth. If I tell him the truth will he believe me?_

"Kate?"

_Castle, I'm from the future,_ Kate almost snorted at the absurdity of that statement. "I…" She didn't know what to do. She knew the longer she stayed silent the worse this was going to be, but she had no clue how to handle this situation.

She was saved from answering by a knock at the door. She looked over and saw Jessica standing at the door.

"Can I come in, Kate? Seems you're in a pickle."

xxxx

"So let me get this straight. You are from the future. In this future, you and I were together, but I died on the day of our wedding. Alexis was alive; and we had solved your mother's case. Now you're here."

The explanation hadn't gone well. As she and Jessica had told Castle what was going on, Kate could see that Rick wasn't taking it well. After they had explained, Jessica had taken her leave. Kate didn't know how the blonde woman knew she was needed, but then nothing about this timeline and her return made sense. Kate had been doing her best to just go with the flow, accepting that her return was something she would never understand, but now that Castle knew, she wished she had some better explanation than 'I woke up back in my past body, and I was engaged to you four years from now. And Oh, yeah, Alexis was alive in my time.' It didn't make any sense to her, so she knew that Castle would be confused by it all.

"Rick?" Kate whispered, afraid that she had ruined everything. He looked over at her and she could see that he was believing her. She could also see the anger in his eyes.

Her man stood up and started pacing the length of the small hospital room. "I…Was any of this real? Did you set up everything just to be with me? I don't…I'm so confused."

"Of course this was real, Rick! How could you even ask that? I love you. I have no clue how I got here or why, but I knew that if I was really being given a second chance I was going to use it to the best of my abilities. My biggest regret last time was pushing you away for four years. I wasted so much time last time and I lost you before we could ever have a life together. I was not going to let that happen this time."

He flopped down on the couch, keeping the distance between them. "I feel like I've somehow been managed into this relationship."

Kate frowned. "Do you love me?"

"Yes."

"Then how could I have pushed you into a relationship? I've done everything at your pace, and I will continue to do so. I know this is a shock, Rick, but I love you and whether I'm from the future or no, that will never change. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and I will do anything I can to see that we're together always."

Castle sighed. Kate wished she could see what he was thinking. She couldn't help but think if they made it through this, they'd be stronger. _If we don't…_ she shook that thought away. Failure wasn't an option.

She was brought back out of her thoughts by Castle getting up and walking towards the door. "I need some time, Kate. I…I just need to get my head around this, okay? I…I'll be back."

xxxx

**a.n.2. Damn Matt and those damn cliff hangers. I'll take a wizard's oath to not do another cliffy in this story for at least five chapters. And yes, dammit, I am a wizard. **

**I honestly didn't know where to end this one, so I left it there. This won't be much of a snag in their relationship, but Castle needs some space to realize that nothing has really changed between them. I also think that Castle wouldn't have any problem believing her, but might feel somehow that he was pushed into a relationship. They'll talk about Alexis in the next chapter.**

**Please review!**


	25. Chapter 25

**a.n. So I'm making a small change to canon that happened before this story picked up, and that is that I am not having Kate married to whatever his name was. You know her Vegas marriage. That didn't happen in this story, and frankly it shouldn't have happened in canon either. That was totally OOC, IMHO.**

**So to explain why Castle was traveling back from the city that day of their wedding, just call it last minute preparations or something. It doesn't really matter that much at this point. If I discover that I need to come up with a reason towards the end of the story, I'll let you know.**

**Thanks everyone who reviewed the last chapter! Keep those reviews coming! They keep me motivated!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Castle.**

_Previously…_

_Kate frowned. "Do you love me?"_

"_Yes."_

"_Then how could I have pushed you into a relationship? I've done everything at your pace, and I will continue to do so. I know this is a shock, Rick, but I love you and whether I'm from the future or no, that will never change. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and I will do anything I can to see that we're together always."_

_Castle sighed. Kate wished she could see what he was thinking. She couldn't help but think if they made it through this, they'd be stronger. If we don't… she shook that thought away. Failure wasn't an option. _

_She was brought back out of her thoughts by Castle getting up and walking towards the door. "I need some time, Kate. I…I just need to get my head around this, okay? I…I'll be back."_

xxxx

Kate was worried. He'd been gone for over two hours. She hoped he wasn't going to leave her for weeks like he had after their last fight. She couldn't handle that. She knew that she made a mistake letting it slip about her situation, but she also knew that eventually he would have found out. _I'm surprised he hadn't noticed something before anyways,_ she thought as she gazed out the hospital room window.

Someone clearing their throat interrupted her thoughts. Her head snapped to the right where she found Castle standing at the door watching her.

"I'm sorry, Kate," he said, walking closer to her. Kate's heart sank. He was going to break up with her. It was over. Before she could get too far into her misery he said, "I'm sorry for walking out on you like that. I shouldn't have…but I needed to clear my head. I'm also sorry for accusing you of using your knowledge of the future to push me into a relationship. I know deep down that you'd never do that." She was crying now. "I want to hear everything about your past life. If we can use the knowledge, it might help us be better now, if you know what I mean. I…uh…also want to hear all about Alexis."

He took a deep breath. "I'm really sorry for how I reacted before. You had no say in this, so blaming you for anything, or any changes that have happened, is dumb. The person I was before…before everything happened would have been jumping up and down at the prospect of real time travel."

Kate reached up and placed her hand on his cheek. She was so in love with this man, even this new, sadder version.

She was about to say he didn't need to apologize when a male nurse coming in the room and closing the door interrupted them. Kate scowled, thinking it odd that a nurse would close the door. Before she could think any more on that subject, the nurse pulled a gun out of his waistband and pointed it at her.

Castle who was off to the side noticed it first and moved to place himself in between Kate and the man with the gun.

"Well, well, well. If it isn't the author of Nikki Heat. I have to say I was hoping to get both of you with the bomb, but it looks like I'll have to do it this way." This wasn't Scott Dunn, as it was the first time. This man had blond hair with huge black eyebrows gracing an angular face. He was about Castle's height, but nowhere near as big. He peered around Castle and said, "I'm really disappointed in you, Nikki. In my story you die at the end. That bomb would have made such a spectacular ending too, don't you think? DON'T MOVE!" he shouted as he noticed that Castle was inching his way closer to the barrel of the gun.

"Easy," Castle said, putting his non-injured hand up. "We can talk about this."

The man huffed. "Of course. They always want to talk. Couldn't you come up with something a little more original than that? Seriously, you call yourself an author. I'm sure she won't like it when I put a bullet in your head. Now that's original." Kate could see him start to put pressure on the trigger and knew she needed to do something before he shot her man.

"Hey! You want me, you don't need to hurt him," she shouted, trying to get out of the bed. Unfortunately with her head being in the condition it was, the dizziness came back full force making it impossible for her to get herself upright. _No, not now,_ she thought. _I need to help him. _She knew however, until the world stopped spinning again, she would be of little use to anyone.

Her breath caught when she heard a struggle and then a loud gunshot. _No! Castle!_

She had to get up. She had to get to him.

Her world was still spinning while she attempted unsuccessfully to get up from her bed. She finally felt someone come up beside her and put a hand on her shoulder, pushing her back down on her back.

"Easy, Kate. It's over," Castle's voice said.

"Dizzy," she said, finally leaning back, her breath coming out in shallow gasps.

"I know. Just sit back. He's dead. I'm going to call Ryan and Esposito."

It took more than fifteen minutes for the boys to show up. By the time they walked in with two uniforms, Kate's vision had settled again. Jordan Shaw followed them in not two minutes later, looking at the man's dead body.

"Beckett. How are you doing?" the FBI agent asked.

"Fine. Just a concussion. They're going to keep me over night just to make sure."

"Can you tell me what happened?"

She and Castle spent the next ten minutes talking about what had happened once the man had entered her room.

"Do we know who he is?" Kate asked once they were done explaining how Castle had wrestled the gun away from the gunman.

"Michael Berman. Apparently he's a huge Richard Castle fan who didn't care much for Nikki Heat. We found out who he was about three hours ago, but he hadn't shown up at his apartment. Now we know why."

_Well that's different,_ Kate thought.

xxxx

It took several hours for things to calm down again. Once they did, Kate asked, "What were we talking about before all the excitement?"

"Not a clue," he said, smiling. "Though probably something about you being from the future."

"Oh, right."

"We don't have to talk about it anymore now, Kate, though I do want to eventually hear all about Alexis and our relationship from that time. Though from what you've said, it looks like your foreknowledge isn't going to be as valuable as it was at the beginning."

Kate huffed, "Not that I did a good job of using it in the first place. When you were injured earlier this year, that could have been avoided, but I forgot that you went with Lanie. I also feel like I should have seen this coming. The killer blew up my apartment last time."

"It's not your fault, Kate. All you can ever do is your best. My mother always said that sometimes your best isn't good enough because sometimes life just sucks and there's nothing you can do about it."

"That sounds exactly like something she'd say," Kate said, smiling for the first time in hours. "Speaking of Martha, where is she?"

"She had a couple auditions today. She was here for a while when you were unconscious, but had to sneak out."

"How bad is the loft?" She could see the pain in his eyes. She remembered how hard it was to lose everything she owned in the last timeline. She couldn't imagine how hard it was for him knowing that all his memories of Alexis in that loft had went up in smoke.

"The upper floor was pretty much untouched from the fire, though the smoke damage is going to be a problem. The lower level, though, is pretty much a total loss. Luckily all my photo albums and my novel backups were in a fireproof safe. I lost some photos that I'll miss, but mostly I'm just glad that we're both okay."

"Me too. I…uh…know my apartment isn't as big as your loft, but you're welcome to stay at my place as long as you like, though," she smirked, "you'll have to share a bed with me."

"Well that sounds like a hardship, how will I ever survive?" he smirked back, then leaned in and kissed her. Both basking in the fact that they were still alive, and happy they were still together to fight again another day.

xxxx

When she went home the next day, she and Castle talked about her other timeline. She told him how proud he was of Alexis' accomplishments, how she had grown into one of the finest young women Kate had ever met. They talked about how their relationship had developed the last time around, how she had pushed him away over and over again. She told him how they had finally come together and how she had almost ruined it again when she had lied to him about a job in Washington DC.

She talked about their wedding preparations and how excited she was to get married to him, and how his accident and death had nearly destroyed her. She told him about that final night she remembered thinking about how she didn't want to live in a world without him in her life.

By the time they were done talking about the future, both had shed many tears, but she felt that they were stronger now that he knew what she was going through. She also felt at ease now that she could talk to someone about what might happen in this timeline based on what she knew from before.

xxxx

_One Month Later…_

It had taken her a week to get back to work. The doctors had prescribed her medication to prevent the dizzy spells which seemed to stick around a lot longer than she thought they should. During that time, she and Castle spent time shopping to replace his wardrobe. They also spent a lot of time going through the loft to salvage undamaged items from the blast.

Once she went back to work, Rick split his time between being at her side and cleaning out the loft and moving things to a storage unit.

One month after she was released from the hospital they were sitting on the couch in her apartment after a long day at the precinct when Castle broached the subject of living arrangements.

"Kate?" he asked, setting his wine glass down on the coffee table.

"Hmm?"

"What do you think about us living together permanently?"

She looked at him, a little surprised that he was broaching the subject so early in their relationship. "I think I'd like it a lot."

"I know that you're attached to your apartment, but it isn't really big enough for two people. Would you maybe want to look for a place together?"

Did she? He was right about her liking her apartment, but she also loved him much more than anything material. She looked around her home, and realize that she'd already given up this apartment once before and survived, and she hadn't even been with him at that time. She remembered how shocked and depressed she was after this apartment had been blown up by Scott Dunn. Now leaving it behind would be a happy memory instead of a terrible nightmare.

She looked back at Rick and smiled, "I think I'd like that too." They talked for several more hours about what they'd like in a home for both of them before they went to bed that night. For Kate, things had changed immeasurably over the last month. She loved him more and more each and every day, and while she knew her knowledge from the future was all but useless, she still had him, and she would fight every single day to make sure they had each other always.

xxxx

**a.n.2. Too sappy an ending? So just a word about the timeline. I haven't done a great job in this story expressing the passage of time. At this point we're nearing a little over a year since Kate came back. She and Castle have been together for about eight months so far. Though it doesn't really matter all that much, I just thought it'd be good to express that so you know where we're at. Case-wise, we're in the middle of season 2. The cases the follow this, and the BIG case, are all very much non-canon. Because of the changes, things are just going to be different. There'll be similarities still, but it won't be a carbon copy of the future.**

**Please leave a review and let me know what you think!**

**M**


	26. Chapter 26

**a.n. Thanks one and all for the reviews and favs from the last chapter. Sorry for the little delay. The chapters from here on out will be harder for me to write, and will be a little longer than usual. Hopefully you like the effort.**

**If you like Demming, you won't enjoy this chapter. **

**Disclaimer: One week from today, Castle is back. Yet I still don't own Castle.**

_Previously…_

"_What do you think about us living together permanently?"_

_She looked at him, a little surprised that he was broaching the subject so early in their relationship. "I think I'd like it a lot."_

"_I know that you're attached to your apartment, but it isn't really big enough for two people. Would you maybe want to look for a place together?"_

_Did she? He was right about her liking her apartment, but she also loved him much more than anything material. She looked around her home, and realize that she'd already given up this apartment once before and survived, and she hadn't even been with him at that time. She remembered how shocked and depressed she was after this apartment had been blown up by Scott Dunn. _

_She looked back at Rick and smiled, "I think I'd like that too." They talked for several more hours about what they'd like in a home for both of them before they went to bed that night. For Kate, things had changed immeasurably over the last month. She loved him more and more each and every day, and while she knew her knowledge from the future was all but useless, she still had him, and she would fight every single day to make sure they had each other always._

xxxx

_Two Months Later…_

Finding a new apartment for the two of them was surprisingly easy after they compromised about their finances. Kate earned so much less than Castle that limiting themselves based on her income severely curtailed their options when it came to apartments. So, despite several arguments, they had decided to combine their accounts. It was something that Kate of the previous timeline would have never done, as it made her feel trapped. This time however, she wanted to be trapped. She knew this was forever.

The loft that they found was just a few blocks from where Castle had lived previously in SoHo. It was slightly larger, but seemed just as homey as his previous home. Kate loved the layout, the hardwood floors, the gigantic kitchen and the office, which was big enough for both of them to share, but her favorite part was the en-suite bathroom that connected to their bedroom. The tub was big enough to swim in, and the shower with dual shower heads allowed for all kinds of frolicking, which made them both very happy for days after they had finally moved in.

Martha had decided to find her own place, and despite her protests, Castle had helped her find a nice loft near her soon to be open acting school. Castle had helped her finance the school, which was a change from the previous timeline where a check from Martha's deceased fiancée had helped her fund the school.

Their case load at the precinct over the previous two months confirmed to them both that Kate's foreknowledge of the future was completely useless. There were only three cases that had any resemblance to cases she had already worked.

Everything was going great for the couple until Tom Demming showed up. As before she had been working out when he showed up out of the blue.

"You need someone to steady your bag," he said, proving that his imagination was just as poor as the previous timeline.

She was not going to give him the opening this time. She wasn't interested. She already had her man, she didn't need Demming to hide behind this time, so she wasn't even going to give him the chance to ruin what she and Castle had.

"I'm fine, actually, thanks."

"Aww, come on, I can help you out." Before she could decline again, he grabbed the bag to steady it. _God this guy can't take a hint,_ Kate thought. Luckily her phone rang after only two more punches to the bag, and she took the out gracefully.

xxxx

It didn't take Kate long to discover that their new case was very similar to the previous timeline, at least at first glance. The victim was the same, Paul Finch, and like the last time, he was found in a parking garage.

Kate wondered why this one was so similar when their cases had been diverging from what she knew happened in her previous timeline.

"What do we know about him?" Kate asked, after Esposito had given the ID. Castle came up just then and handed her a coffee. He had spent the morning writing while she hit the gym.

"Morning Detectives," he said, looking over the crime scene.

"Anyways, now that loverboy's here, we found the vic's next of kin. The vic also has an impressive rap sheet. He's a thief. Couple of low profile bank jobs, some corporate B and E's, but he hasn't been arrested in years, so either he got luck or…."

"Or he's out of the game. Or perhaps he rose up in the world, and is now the boss of his own robbery ring," Castle provided.

"Cause of death," Kate asked Lanie, who was hovering over the body.

"He was electrocuted."

The rest of their time at the crime scene went like it had last time, which made Kate suspicious. The only difference was she didn't find the piece of keychain she found at the crime scene before. When she and Castle got into her car to head back to the precinct, she said, "This is too weird, Rick."

"What?"

"It's the same as it was in my past timeline. Shouldn't it be different like all the rest?"

"Who knows how this works, Kate? My advice is to just work this case like we work all others. Just because it's the same now, doesn't mean there isn't a big difference coming up."

"You're right, of course. How did your writing go?"

"Okay. Still getting used to the new office. I wrote a lot of books in the old place. It'll take some time to get used to the ambiance of the new place. It won't matter too much, as the second book is in edits now anyways."

"I still can't believe you won't let me read it," she complained as they pulled into the 12th precinct's parking garage.

Castle smirked. "I let you read the first one early, this one you have to wait. Patience is a virtue."

"My ass. Patience sucks."

They laughed.

xxxx

After their inconsequential interview with the victim's wife, during which they only discovered that he'd been asked to do a favor for a friend, the team gathered around the murder board discussing what they knew so far.

"So the guy comes out of retirement for one job and then gets murdered? That can't be a coincidence," Castle said after taking a sip of his coffee.

"Yeah, it had to be some important friend to get him to get back into the game too," Esposito agreed.

Beckett, who had called into Robbery to find out about any recent large scale robberies, put the phone down. "Robbery logged a break in at Manhattan Mutual the day before yesterday. It fits our guy's rap sheet."

"Did they give any details?" Castle asked.

She knew what happened next and she hated it, but said, "Nope. They're sending some new guy up now to brief us."

"And that'd be me," Tom Demming said. Even with a simple statement he seemed arrogant. _What did I ever see in this guy,_ Kate asked herself.

After greetings and introductions were given (Esposito knew him, as he had before), they talked more about Paul Finch.

"The bank jobs that he was involved in, in the past, were all two man jobs. So he definitely has a partner," Demming said.

"We've run phone and financials, so we might get lucky on that front," Ryan said hopefully.

"It could be that the partner turned on Finch after the robbery, decided he didn't need him anymore," Kate said, doing her best not to sneer at Tom Demming. She hadn't exactly went into detail with Castle regarding her relationships in the previous timeline. She didn't really want to have a conversation with Rick about how she had been with Demming in her previous time.

"It looks like the robbery and homicide are connected," Esposito said.

"It seems like a lot of effort for one safety deposit box," Castle observed.

"Yeah, and they left the cash untouched. The guys downstairs thought I was nuts when I jumped at this case. But I like the weird ones," Demming said.

"Hmmm. How about that, Beckett likes the weird ones too," Esposito teased. Kate wanted to hit him. Or shoot him. Maybe both.

"Yeah," Ryan agreed.

"What could be in the box that would be worth so much effort," Castle asked, ignoring the byplay of her partners. She knew she'd be hearing about this later, even if he just teased her about it.

"Don't know that yet. People only use safety deposit boxes to keep things private and safe. A lot of people aren't going to agree to tell us what they had in a box," Demming responded. "But we've got the owner of the box coming in this afternoon. Join me in interrogation?" He asked Kate.

"Castle and I will definitely be there," Kate responded, hoping to nip any ideas the detective might have in the bud.

"Castle? You let him in the room? Why?"

"He's my partner," Kate said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. It was to her.

"But he's not even a cop!" Demming said arrogantly.

Kate could see that Castle wanted to say something, but was holding himself back. She jumped in, "So? He's an official NYPD consultant, and has helped me on dozens of cases. He may not be a cop, but he's part of my team, and frankly I don't care for your attitude."

Demming put his hands up defensively, "Okay, okay, I didn't mean to offend you. I'll be back this afternoon when the owner shows up." With that he walked away. Kate slumped her shoulders. _Well that went well, _she thought snidely.

xxxx

Before the owner was brought in, she found Castle in the breakroom fixing them another set of coffees. "You okay, Rick?"

He looked up and grinned at her, "Of course, why?"

She shook her head, "No reason."

"So what happened between you and Detective Demming that you don't like him?"

She groaned. "We dated in the previous timeline, okay? Now that I look back on it I don't even know what I saw in the man except as a way to hide from my feelings for you. He treated you like this before too, and I just ignored it, applauded it even. I won't be doing that this time."

He put the coffees on the counter and then hugged her quickly. "Thank you for standing up for me, Kate. But don't let it ruin your professionalism. You still have to work with the douche. Oh, did I say douche, I meant Detective. Sorry."

Kate laughed and pulled back from him. "I'll try to tone down my dislike, but I won't let him push you out of the process. You're my partner and I'll be damned if he's going to belittle you while I'm around."

"I love you too. Now let's get back out there. The box owner should be here soon."

xxxx

She couldn't believe Demming had shoved Castle out of the interview room even after she had told him Castle should be there. Rick being the man he was just stepped back and went to her desk to wait for her without saying anything, though she could see the hurt on his face. Because the box owner was right there, Kate couldn't say anything, but underneath her professional mask, she was steaming.

"Thank you for coming in, Mr. Cana." Cana was a middle aged white man, who fidgeted more than Kate thought should be possible.

"Call me Fred," he responded.

"And obviously we're going to do everything we can to help you get back what was taken. What was in the box?"

"Stamps," Cana replied.

"Stamps?" Demming asked stupidly.

"Yeah, I collect them."

"Can I ask why it took so long to contact us? The bank was hit three days ago," Demming asked, obviously satisfied that he knew what the man did with his stamps.

"I was busy, you know? I've been working a lot."

"What is it you do, Fred?" Beckett asked.

"I'm in, uh, private security."

"How much was the stamp collection worth exactly?" Kate asked, ignoring the man's hesitance about his profession.

"Well, it's hard to put a price tag on something like that, you know because of sentimental value," he said.

"Did anyone else know you were keeping it at the bank," Kate asked.

"A few people. Mostly other stamp enthusiasts with whom I've formed relationships over the years."

"How long have you been a philatelist, Fred?"

"Hey, watch your mouth, pal. Fred Cana don't go that route!"

"Philately is the study of stamps, Mr. Cana, which you would know if you were, in fact, a collector. Now come on, tell us the truth. What was in the box? What did they really steal from you?"

"I don't have to take this shit. I'm the victim here!" The man stood, as if readying to leave the room.

Beckett was about to tell him to sit back down, when Esposito busted into the room.

"Officer Esposito!" Cana said with false joviality.

"Actually, it's Detective Esposito now, Fred. You should sit down."

"Congratulations," Cana said, sitting down hesitantly.

"Fred here is the bagman for Victor Racine," Espo said.

"Who's Victor Racine," Castle asked. He'd come in behind Esposito.

"He's a syndicate man. Made the leap from organized crime to legitimate businessman while no one was looking. And didn't I ask you to wait outside, writer?" Demming asked, snidely.

Kate scowled. "He can stay."

"Racine is connected and untouchable," Esposito said, obviously trying to keep Kate's temper in check by keeping them on track.

"You ought to know," Cana said, laughing. "Esposito here, and his old partner tried to touch him a few years back."

"How about I touch you instead," Esposito shouted, launching at Cana. Castle held him back easily.

"Come on, tough guy!" Cana said, proving his intelligence wasn't on the high end of the scale.

"Let's go," Epsosito said, still being held back by Castle.

"Come on, Espo," Castle said, "he's not worth losing your badge over. If he's involved, we'll get him. Kate never fails, you know?"

_God, I love him,_ Kate thought, smiling. She got up and led Cana out of the room, knowing that they weren't going to get anything out of him.

xxxx

When she got back to where Castle, Esposito and Demming were standing, she asked, "What the hell was that all about?"

"He works for Victor Racine," Espo said simply.

"So?" Kate knew what was coming next, but she also knew that if this case was still going the same way, she had to lead the conversation this direction.

"He's an ass who thinks he can't be touched. Ike, my old partner, works for him now, or so they say. It's why I transferred to the 12th when I became a detective. Drives me crazy to this day that my partner ended up being dirty. Though IA could never prove anything. One day he just doesn't come to work. IA brought him in to question him, and he just said he wanted to quit. Couldn't prove any wrongdoing, so they let it go, but it even tainted me for quite a while."

She hadn't been expecting that. In the previous timeline, Espo had thought his partner was dead. Kate could see that Demming was about to say something idiotic, so she turned to Castle and said, "So if Finch had been brought in by Racine to do a job, but somehow messed it up, that could have been what led to his death."

"Or Racine has something he wanted out of that bank, he hires Finch and a partner to go in and get it. When the job's done, Finch is offed. Cutting loose ends?"

She nodded. "Probably. Likely that partner was inner circle, which makes him the guy we need to find the most."

"What if it's this guy Esposito knows," Demming asked.

"My old partner?"

"Sure. It wouldn't be that big a coincidence. And with him being from robbery, it even makes sense."

Kate pursed her lips. "Fine. Espo, take Ryan and bring your old partner in. See if he knows anything. Castle and I will start going over the phone and banking records."

"What do you want me to do," Demming asked.

"Stay the hell out of my way." Kate said. She spun around and walked towards her desk. She was really starting to hate that guy.

xxxx

"He's done a runner," Esposito said when he got back to his desk.

"What?" Beckett asked. She and Castle had been pouring over the financials of the victim in hopes of finding the partner he worked with, or any association with Racine. Luckily Demming had slunk back to Robbery when he realized he wasn't wanted. Kate was hopeful that he'd just stay away unless they needed him.

"His wife and kid were there, but they hadn't seen Ike in two days. He isn't answering his cell and they don't know where he went when he left."

Kate sighed. This case had started off so similar to how it had been before, now nothing seemed to be going their way. "Okay. Listen it's 8 now, let's knock off for tonight. Tomorrow, we'll see if Lanie has anything for us." At this time before, they'd heard from Lanie, and found the fingerprint on the victim's eyelid. She was confused why they hadn't heard from the ME yet.

She had a bad feeling about where this case was headed. She just didn't know what to do about it.

xxxx

**a.n.2. Okay, so I know that this is pretty close to canon, despite my promises that we're going to start seeing some original stuff. But I wanted to fit Demming in there somewhere, mainly to bash him. The case will veer off of canon substantially in the next chapter. The fact that Esposito knows that Ike is dirty and alive is going to be a huge thing. Also the endpoint of the case is totally different.**

**Please leave a review!**


	27. Chapter 27

**a.n. So first, I should say that the reason for my absence is that I'm disillusioned with the show right now. I despise the beginning of season 8. Castle is allowing himself to be walked all over again for no good reason. Anyways, I digress. I've pulled several of my multi-chapters. If you were reading them head to my profile to see why. I'm rewriting them.**

**This chapter is setup differently than anything I've done before. Think of it like the episodes where they show the most dramatic part of the episode first, then flash back a certain period of time to show what led up to those events. I hope I've done a good job of it and it isn't too confusing.**

**Also, I BEG you not to give up on this story at the end of this chapter. It doesn't end well, but there is a reason for it, and it is all resolved at the beginning of the next chapter. We're coming to a close here, so be prepared for the big twist I've been teasing since the beginning. The next chapter is already posted, so you don't have to wait for the twist.**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Castle, Rick would be furious with Kate, not playing the kicked puppy. Obviously I don't.**

**xxxx**

_Previously…_

_Kate sighed. This case had started off so similar to how it had been before, now nothing seemed to be going their way. "Okay. Listen it's 8 now, let's knock off for tonight. Tomorrow, we'll see if Lanie has anything for us." At this time before, they'd heard from Lanie, and found the fingerprint on the victim's eyelid. She was confused why they hadn't heard from the ME yet. _

_She had a bad feeling about where this case was headed. She just didn't know what to do about it._

xxxx

"Esposito! No!" Kate shouted as the bullet hit her partner in the back of the neck. Her breath was driven out of her as Castle tackled her to the ground just in time as more bullets flew over her head. When the bullets started to fly, the three of them had all rushed to find cover in order to return fire, but they hadn't made it.

She moved her head up, looking towards where Espo was laying motionless on the ground about 15 feet from where she lay with Castle covering her.

The gunfire ceased, and she heard footsteps coming towards them.

"Castle, we have to move." No response.

"Castle! This isn't funny," she said urgently. She rolled out from underneath him. "Rick!"

xxxx

_20 Hours Earlier…_

"I'm telling you, we've got nothing," Lanie said when Kate and Castle walked into the morgue the next morning.

"What do you mean nothing?" Kate asked after taking a sip of her coffee. She'd really needed it this morning. She hadn't slept well as she had a strange feeling that something was going to happen. She just didn't know what, but something felt off, and she couldn't shake the feeling.

"I mean," Lanie spat, "There's no evidence whatsoever that will help you. No finger prints, no DNA, nada. This was a professional job, despite the method of death. Not too many professionals out there use electrocution as a method of killing, but this one did."

Kate sighed. "Why can't anything ever be easy? Okay. Well…" She was interrupted by her cell going off. She pulled the device out of her pocket and glanced at the caller ID. "Beckett."

"We got another one boss," Ryan said. "Espo's old partner turned up outside an abandoned warehouse about a mile away from where we found Finch's body."

"Text us the address, we'll be right there. Is Perlmutter taking this one?" she asked.

"Yup, grumpy pants is here." Kate chuckled and ended the call. She turned to Castle, "Espo's old partner turned up dead. We need to get to the scene."

"Oh, you guys get to deal with Perlmutter today, I'm so happy for you," Lanie said.

"Don't be cruel, Dr. Parish," Castle chided.

"Better you than me, that's all I'm saying," she said before turning back to the body and giving it a dirty look. "I'll call if I find anything else, but don't hold your breath," she said to Kate.

xxxx

"Two stab wounds to the chest," Perlmutter said when they asked for the cause of death. The body had been found outside an abandoned warehouse. The alleyway where they found the body was filled with trash and looked like it was home to several species of rodents.

"Ryan, see what's around here and find out if there are any cameras that might have caught anything interesting. Espo, you going to be okay working this one?" Kate asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Espo replied gruffyly.

"Since you knew her, notify his wife. Castle and I are going to go back and start digging into his background, finances and such."

She turned towards Castle, "I need to talk to you." She tugged on his shirt and led him towards her car.

Once they had gotten into the cruiser, she said, "This case started off the same as last time, but it's completely different now. Something feels off about it, I'm just not sure what. I've just got a bad feeling about it."

"Is that why you tossed and turned all last night?"

"You noticed?"

"Of course. Listen, all we can do is work this case like normal and be careful. I know better than to question your instincts, but there isn't much we can do. I'll be here, and I got your back."

Kate smiled as she put the car into gear, "Thanks, babe."

xxxx

When they got back to the precinct, Demming the douchebag was waiting for them. "I sent some guys to question Victor Racine."

"Oh? What did they find out?" Kate asked, taking a seat at her desk.

"Nothing. The guy is slimy. Puts on the front of the honest businessman and all that. Says he doesn't know Finch at all, but has heard of Espo's old partner, of course. Denies hiring him though."

"Of course." She took a deep breath. Castle came up behind her and sat a cup of coffee on her desk. She smiled in thanks.

"So anything else on your end?" Demming asked.

"You heard about Ike Thornton, Espo's old partner?"

"Dead?"

"Yeah. We're working up the board now, but you can go back to robbery. I'll let you know if there is anything we need." She really didn't want him around.

"Aww, come on, Kate, I can be of use," he said, wiggling his eyebrows. She groaned.

"Listen, douche. It's Detective Beckett. Now get out of here."

xxxx

It was three hours later when they got their first lead, and it shocked everyone on the team. Lanie had called them down to the morgue and said that she and Perlmutter had a lead for them and that she needed the whole team there to hear it, which was unusual. Normally she only asked for all four of them if the break was big. Or personal. Kate hoped that it wasn't personal, but the bad feeling that she'd had since the beginning of the case was bubbling in her stomach, making her regret the delicious lunch Castle had retrieved for them.

When the four teammates got to the morgue, they found Lanie and Perlmutter standing next to the body of their latest victim.

"What do you got?" Kate asked.

"What we have," Lanie said, in her usual manner, "is a problem. Perlmutter has his uses. He has an almost eidetic memory when it comes to cases, and when he got the body here back to his lab, he noticed that it was extremely similar to six other murders in the last twenty years."

"A serial killer?" Esposito asked.

"No, Javi, I'm thinking professional."

"Okay, I think I can see the problem," Beckett said.

"That isn't the problem, Kate. The problem is that two of the previous murders are known to members of your team."

Kate looked back in surprise. "What murders?"

Perlmutter spoke up for the first time, "The murder of Johanna Beckett and the murder of Alexis Castle."

Kate stepped closer to Rick. They hadn't had a lead on the case since they discovered they were connected. She grabbed his hand, not caring about professionalism at the moment. "Explain."

"I recognized the stab patterns once I got a better look. I looked up the information on similar stabbings in the NCSDB, and recognized the names of two similar stabbings immediately, though I had no information on those two murders before I looked them up. Luckily it looks like the files have recently been pulled, so it was easy to find that there was trace evidence in both the Castle and Beckett cases, and that they were a match. Seems our guy likes to use the same knife.

"After I looked them up, I was able to find the same trace evidence on our vic here, though it is tentative at the moment, as we await lab results," Perlmutter explained.

Castle had been very quiet since they had heard the news, and Kate was afraid to look at his face where she was sure to find the heartbreak she knew that this case brought out in both of them. Kate was reeling at this information, and she couldn't even fathom what Rick was going through. But she had a job to do.

"Send the files up, will you?" She turned to Espostio and Ryan, who both had similar looks of shock on their faces, "You two start looking for connections between the two older cases, any of the others, and Victor Racine. There is either a connection between the victims, or he uses the same contractor as someone else and there isn't a connection at all, we need to know which it is. Before I know what Rick and I'll do, we need to talk to the captain. With this information we might get pulled from the case."

The boys left to get started, and she turned to the two MEs, "Let me know if you can find anything else that's helpful."

She grabbed Castle's hand again, and dragged him out of the morgue. Once out the doors she pressed him up against the wall. "Rick? What are you thinking?"

"I…I…" He scowled. "I think something is fishy about all this. I mean this isn't anything like your previous timeline, and now we have a connection between our case and this mob case? I've…oh. You know, I have had some dealings with the mob. Do you think that maybe that is what caused them to come after me and Alexis? What about your mom?"

"Her last case was a mob case."

"So there has to be a connection. Some mob boss or minion or something that all three have in common. Could it be this Racine person?"

"I don't know. But we'll find out." She leaned forward and kissed him softly on the lips. "Whatever happens, we'll do it together. I love you, Rick."

"And I love you, Kate."

xxxx

That night when they got home, both were disheartened that they hadn't gotten any further with the case. Every clue they turned up just led to another dead end. Kate was frustrated and had begun to snap at her team. She could feel the lure of this case, tempting her to shut everyone out and dive right back into the rabbit hole. But she couldn't do that this time. She had to think about Rick. She would not leave him behind just to satisfy her need for vengeance.

"God this has been a long day," she moaned, pulling off her heals and throwing them towards the closet. "I so want a bath, but I'm too damn, tired."

Castle grinned at her, "Why don't you go grab one and I'll throw something together for food. By the time you're done, dinner will be ready, then we can get some sleep."

"I hate it when you're the logical one," she growled. Castle chuckled and walked into the kitchen to start cooking.

Several hours later their sleep was interrupted by the sound of Kate's phone going off. Groaning, Kate fumbled for the damn device for several moments before she managed to grab hold of it and hit the answer key. "Beckett," she mumbled, her face still buried in her pillow.

"Say that again, Espo, slowly." She listened for a minute more then said, "Okay, we'll meet you in the precinct in a half hour or so. Have you called Montgomery? … Okay, see you there."

Kate hit the end button and flopped around to see Castle staring at her worriedly. "Rick, we need to get into the precinct. Ryan never made it home last night."

xxxx

"Play the recording again," Beckett ordered. As soon as they got into the precinct, they had received a call that troubled the entire team. The voice had been altered, but the message was what caught the entire team's attention.

"_Hello Detectives. This case is beyond you; you just don't know it yet. Think of Kevin Ryan as a reminder that your partners are disposable. Keep investigating this case and you'll find that mystery writer of yours is the next casualty."_

They all looked around at each other. Kate could see the worry on their faces for their missing teammate.

"Okay," Beckett said, "what do we have on the call itself?"

"It was sent from a pay phone down by the docks, not too far from where we found Ike Thornton's body. We've sent techs down to dust for prints, but it's a public phone so that will most likely be a dead end.

"Last night before we came home we finally pulled the mob case your mom was working on. It had been sealed, and for good reason. There were two witnesses in that case, both of whom went into WitSec. The mobster they put away, Pulgatti, died in prison a year after he was convicted, about a month after your mom visited him for the first time and took up his case."

"There's no way that's a coincidence, how did he die?" Castle asked.

"Shanked in the bathroom, so no, it probably wasn't a coincidence, but there's no way to prove it or trace it back to whoever ordered the hit."

"Do you have the original names of the witnesses?"

"I'm looking into it."

"Alright," Beckett said, taking a look at the murder board. "We're all worried about Ryan, but the best thing we can do for him is solve this case. Hopefully we'll find him along the way. Espo, keep digging into the mob angle. Castle and I are going tear apart Thornton's life and see if we can find out who he was working for. Whoever it is, they have to have some part to play in this mess."

xxxx

Four hours later dispatch called which had them rushing to the scene of another body drop, this one was the one they'd all dreaded since the early morning hours.

When she and Castle got out of the car, she immediately knew what they were going to find on the other side of the police tape. She could see Lanie's hunched form, could see her shoulders shaking. Kate stumbled when she saw the broken body. Bringing her hand up to her mouth to stifle the sob that threatened to break free, she looked down on what was once Detective Kevin Ryan.

She was broken out of her misery by a hand on her shoulder. She turned and buried her face into Castle's chest, no longer able to hold back the tears. _What was the point? _Her second chance wasn't adding up to much. Sure she had Castle and they were together and happy, but Alexis was dead, Kevin Ryan was dead; Kate wondered what else could go wrong.

Montgomery came up behind them; Kate could see the defeated look on his face. He put a hand on Esposito's shoulder as the latter stood looking down at his partner. After a moment he said, "Come on, you three, you can't be here."

"Captain," Espo started, angrily.

"No, Detective Esposito, just no. You know damn well you can't work this part of the case. I should take you three off the entire thing, but I'll let you keep working it, but you can't be here. I've got Karpowski on the way, her team will handle the details of this one, you guys will keep going through trying to find how everything fits. That's an order, no get back to the precinct."

Kate pulled away from Castle, knowing that the Captain was right. "Come on guys, let's catch whoever did this."

xxxx

"Beckett, I found something," Castle said two hours later. They'd been going through everything they could find in the Finch and Thornton murders, trying to find a connection between them and/or Racine. They were sitting around the conference table shuffling through papers when Castle's voice broke her concentration.

"What did you find?"

He got up and walked around the table, bringing two files with him. "See here," he said once he leaned down on the table, "both Finch and Thornton received money from the same account, that can't be a coincidence."

"No, it can't be, but it'll likely lead nowhere. Still, we need follow it and see if there is any information on the other end. I'll do that, you keep looking here."

"Wait. One other thing we should do is re-listen to that tape that you found. Maybe we can find something we missed. I'm going to go back to the loft and get it."

Kate nodded. "Okay. Be careful, okay, Castle?"

"Of course."

xxxx

She had just hung up from a call to the bank when Castle, who had been in the conference room after his trek back to their loft, came up to her and said, "Kate, you need to come with me."

Kate looked up and saw the pale complexion of his face. "Rick?"

"Just come on, you have to hear this." Kate nodded, stood and followed her partner into the conference room where they had been working for the last several hours.

Rick pressed the play button on the tape player that sat on the table. The tape was the one that she'd found in the elephants on her desk.

"Oh. My. God." She said when the tape was finished playing. "How did I not recognize his voice before? It was right in front of me this whole time."

"It isn't your fault, Kate. He had to have been damn near a rookie when this tape was made. He isn't that much older than you are."

"He's six years older. We need to find him, now."

xxxx

The voice of the cop on the tape was Tom Demming, and they were pretty sure the boss was Victor Racine. Kate couldn't believe she hadn't recognized Demming's voice when she had listened to it, though looking back she had always felt that the voice was familiar in some way.

They had played the tape for Captain Montgomery after explaining how they had gotten it. He had berated them for holding onto evidence, but in the end he had issued orders to bring Demming into the precinct for questioning.

They didn't find him in Robbery where he should have been, which to Kate wasn't surprising. He had been party to the murder of a fellow cop, he wasn't going to stick around. The feeling that had been plaguing her for the entire case was getting progressively worse, but she shoved it down.

After donning their Kevlar vests, they made their way to the address Demming had on file, which was only a block from where Finch's body had been found.

The entrance to the building was in an alleyway strewn with trash and detritus. The entire area reminded her of the alley where her mother had been found. It only made her feeling of pending disaster get worse as they walked towards the entrance to Demming's building.

They were halfway down the alley when the first gunshot sounded in their ears.

xxxx

"Esposito! No!" Kate shouted as the bullet hit her partner in the back of the neck. Her breath was driven out of her as Castle tackled her to the ground just in time as more bullets flew over her head. When the bullets started to fly, the three of them had all rushed to find cover in order to return fire, but they hadn't made it.

She moved her head up, looking towards where Espo was lying motionless on the ground about 15 feet from where she lay with Castle covering her.

The gunfire ceased, and she heard footsteps coming towards them.

"Castle, we have to move." No response.

"Castle! This isn't funny," she said urgently. She rolled out from underneath him. "Rick!"

Kate's soul was destroyed at the sight before her. She lost consciousness as she stared into her partner's cold, lifeless blue eyes. Her second chance had failed. Castle was dead.

xxxx

**a.n.2. I know, right? What a crappy ending. **

**If you remember what I said in chapter one about what this fic is ****not****, you'll not be panicking right now. Either way, the next chapter is already up. I promise everything makes sense. **

**Reviews are welcome. **


	28. Chapter 28

**a.n. This chapter was posted simultaneously as I was worried that the ending of that last chapter would drive everyone away. This one is very short.**

**The twist I've been teasing is here. I hope you like it. Let me know if you saw it coming.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Castle.**

xxxx

"Kate, you have to wake up!" The voice was right next to her ear, but Kate didn't want to wake up. The world outside was full of horror. In the world outside, she was alone. She remembered the blank look in Castle's eyes. It was the last thing she saw, and it was likely she would remember it for the rest of her life. She didn't want to live. She'd had a second chance and she'd blown it. Alexis. Then Ryan. Javi too. Now Castle. All gone. She'd left one world behind where Castle was dead, now she was living another.

"Kate!" This time the exclamation was accompanied by a shake to the shoulder. Groaning, Kate opened her eyes. The sight before her shocked her almost as much as the cold lifeless eyes she'd seen before she passed out.

Alexis Castle was standing next to her, shaking her shoulder.

"Kate, thank goodness. You need to get up. We found dad outside our door a few minutes ago. He's alive, but pretty banged up. Gram's calling the ambulance."

Kate was confused. They'd found Rick? How was Alexis alive? How did she get back to the loft? What the **HELL** was going on?

The only thing she could figure out was that it had all be a dream. Her trip back in time had been a figment of her imagination. Could it be? _But it seemed so real,_ she thought, slowly sitting up and swinging her feet over the edge of the bed. _But if it was a dream, then how did Castle end up outside the loft? Lanie confirmed his death. _

Her head was still foggy as the apparent dream and reality clashed, making it hard for the detective to think clearly.

"Come on, Kate, get dressed. The paramedics will be here soon." With that the redhead rushed out of the room. Kate, still in a stupor, hurried to follow. She had to see this for herself.

xxxx

She'd called Lanie on the way to the hospital. Somehow, someway, Richard Castle was alive, though barely. The man was in bad shape. He had obviously been tortured, and had broken bones, burns, and cuts all over his body. He was also missing a finger.

Kate, after seeing him with her own eyes, ran back to their bedroom and got dressed in time to take Martha to the hospital; Alexis had ridden in the back of the ambulance.

"Hey girl, how are you coping?" was the first words out of her friend's mouth when she answered the phone.

"Lanie, Rick's alive. We're on the way to Presbyterian right now."

"What do you mean, Kate? Rick's gone."

"No Lanie, he's not. Somehow the DNA must have been mixed up. We found him on our doorstep this morning. He's in bad shape, but he's breathing. And it's definitely him. I'd recognize those eyes of his anywhere."

There was silence on the line for several minutes before Lanie replied, "Okay, let me call the boys. Something fishy is going on."

With that they ended the call, and Kate continued to make her way towards the hospital. Her mind, however, was having problems. It seemed just hours before that they'd been in that alley under gunfire. But it also seemed just hours before that Lanie had confirmed his death after an apparent car accident.

_What's real?_ She asked herself desperately.

xxxx

Sitting in the waiting room, Kate thought back on her 'dream.' She could see now that she was more awake, that there were things that just didn't make sense. For example, the way things _before_ she had been sent back in time had been changed, like Alexis' death and the differences in her mother's murder. She also recognized Jessica as her hair stylist, something she hadn't realized while she was dreaming.

Other things just didn't add up, and that was what really convinced Kate that her trip back in time, her second chance, had been nothing but a fabrication of her overtired mind. Given how it had ended up, Kate was glad that it hadn't been real.

Kate, Alexis and Martha had been waiting in the waiting room for hours, and she was getting antsy. The boys and Lanie had been by, but had left to continue investigating. Someone was dead in the morgue, and somehow the DNA had been switched making them all think that Richard Castle was dead when he had really been kidnapped and tortured.

Whatever had happened had caused them all a lot of grief, and still might cause them more. Kate sat worrying her bottom lip between her teeth, trying to contain the tears that had been threatening to fall ever since she woke up that morning. Her emotions were all over the place, part of her still residing in the dream which had turned into anything but, another part of her still unable to believe that Castle was alive.

She was brought out of her thoughts by a voice calling the family's name.

The three of them stood up and approached the doctor who had come out of the stereotypical double doors.

"Mr. Castle sustained numerous injuries, though none are life threatening. We've wrapped his chest as he has three broken and cracked ribs, we've put both his arms in casts and set the bones, and done likewise with his right leg. He has a mild concussion, but in the grand scheme of things, it's relatively minor. We'll keep him overnight and as long as nothing happens overnight, we'll release him tomorrow."

The three women all had looks of relief on their faces. Given how bad the man had looked, they were all very happy that the injuries he had suffered were relatively minor.

"Can we see him," Kate asked, through happy tears.

"In an hour or so," the doctor replied. "We'll move him to a private room, then I'll send someone to come get you." With that the man returned back through the doors. The three women looked at each other, then came together in a group hug, all very happy that the man that resided at the center of their lives was going to be okay and would hopefully be with them for a long while.

Kate was exceedingly happy. This was her second chance, for real this time. The man she loved was alive. They could get married, have kids and grow old together. She vowed that she would live the rest of her life with as few regrets as possible. She wouldn't waste another minute of their _always_.

xxxx

**a.n.2. Yes, this is an astoundingly short chapter. But the next one will contain the answer to 'what the hell happened to Castle!' Two more chapters to go, likely. **

**Reviews make me happy.**


	29. Chapter 29

**a.n. Really sorry for the long delay on this one. One more chapter to go after this (technically it'll be an epilogue). **

**I'm working my way back into Castle Fanfic. I've started a new multi-chapter, and so far I'm into it. Let's see how this goes.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Castle, nor have I ever claimed to do so.**

**xxxx**

_**Previously…**_

"_Can we see him," Kate asked, through happy tears._

"_In an hour or so," the doctor replied. "We'll move him to a private room, then I'll send someone to come get you." With that the man returned back through the doors. The three women looked at each other, then came together in a group hug, all very happy that the man that resided at the center of their lives was going to be okay and would hopefully be with them for a long while. _

_Kate was exceedingly happy. This was her second chance, for real this time. The man she loved was alive. They could get married, have kids and grow old together. She vowed that she would live the rest of her life with as few regrets as possible. She wouldn't waste another minute of their always._

xxxx

_The next morning…_

"Did someone get the license plate number on the bus that ran me over?" Rick mumbled. "God that hurts."

Castle had woken up several times during the night, but this was the first time he sounded lucid. Kate hadn't left his side, and she wasn't going to until he could come home with her.

"Rick?"

"Kate?" The man finally opened his eyes. Kate could see the pain he was suffering, though she could tell he was trying to hide it.

"Yeah, babe, it's me. How are you feeling?"

He just groaned, which told her even more about his current condition. Kate pressed the call button to summon a nurse, and then grabbed hold of Rick's hand.

The nurse came in, talked to him for a minute and left to collect the doctor. Kate squeezed his hand, just happy that he was awake and alive. Her experience from her dream still fresh in her mind, Kate knew that she didn't want to waste any time. It seemed to her that she had lost him twice now, even if one of them was a dream. She couldn't even contemplate losing him again.

"Hey," he croaked. "It's okay, I'm here." He tried to bring his free arm up, but was hindered by the cast. "Don't cry."

"I was so scared, Rick. I didn't know how I could go on living without you. When Lanie said that the body was yours, it felt like my world ended. God, all I can think about is the sheet covered body…having to say goodbye to you…I just…" she trailed off, her body overwhelmed by sobs.

Rick tugged on her hand, "Come here." Kate stood and hugged him for all she was worth. She didn't…she couldn't lose him. Not again. Not ever.

xxxx

_Six Months Later…_

Rick Castle had healed properly, and everything had quickly settled down again. The case had stalled at first, but they had eventually solved the mystery of who had kidnapped him. It turned out that the man and woman who had taken Rick on his wedding day were a couple of delusional fans who wanted to act out their own scene. It reminded them both a little of the Scott Dunn case. They had apprehended the idiots, which made them all feel safer.

Kate had spent the past six months by Rick's side. She knew she was being clingy, but she couldn't help but feel that way. She somehow felt that if he wasn't by her side all the time, she might lose him again. The last six months felt like they were simply marking time. They were simply existing. Rick had, after getting his casts off, underwent physical therapy, and had also had a few sessions with a psychologist to help with the nightmares he had been suffering since his return. It had taken several months for him to get to the point where he felt safe again. It had broken her heart to see him in so much pain and confusion, but she had been there through it all, and she promised herself that she always would be.

It was on a bright Saturday morning in early November when she and Rick were lounging on the couch reading that things started to move forward again.

"Kate?"

"Hmmm?" She said without looking up from her book.

"Will you marry me?"

Well that was unexpected, she thought. She put the book down, and turned around so that she could look at him. "Rick?"

"Will you marry me?"

"You know I will. I already said yes."

He smiled. "How about this weekend?"

"What?!"

"This weekend. We spent almost a year preparing last time, and it got ruined. I don't want to wait any more. I'm back to normal, or at least as normal as I ever was," he added with a smirk, "and I want to get married. So?"

Kate thought about it for a minute before smiling broadly, "Yes, of course I'll marry you this weekend." With that she leaned closer and kissed him passionately.

xxxx

After going through the painful process of planning their first wedding, Kate was surprised at how easily their real wedding came together. They decided to just invite those closest to them, and not worry about the big hoopla that had been their first guest list (which had almost been 400 people).

They arranged for the actual ceremony to be held at the New York Public Library, which had small rooms which could be rented for certain occasions, and had luckily had an opening. They had called in a favor with one of Castle's judge friends, who would perform the ceremony. Kate's mom's dress had been ruined that day that Rick had went missing, so she and Lanie had to scramble to find a dress before the actual event, which proved easier than she thought when she found the perfect dress in the first store they entered. Throwing some cash at the vendor allowed them to get the dress finished before the wedding.

The actual event was perfect in Kate's opinion. The wedding was held in the same room that she had arrested Rick in for the first time. It always amused her that she had arrested her soon-to-be husband on more than one occasion. It always made her smile (at least now) how she had stormed into this room, so angry that the pompous jackass had had the nerve to steal her evidence file. If only she could go back in time to tell that Kate how much she would end up loving that pompous jackass.

For the rest of her life she would remember their vows.

His were what you'd expect from an amazing writer,

"_From the first day I met you, I knew you were different. You enthralled me, enraptured me, and you made me think about a different way to live my life. You've managed to do the impossible by making me grow up and take part in the world. The honest truth is that I never saw you coming. I love you Kate Beckett, and I want to spend the rest of my life proving just how much you mean to me. Always."_

She had started hers off similarly,

"_When I first met you I hated your guts. It wasn't even you I hated, though. I hated that you were bringing chaos to my well-ordered life. I had everything I needed then, thank you very much. But the truth was, I wasn't living, just merely existing. You changed that. You made me want to experience life again for the first time since my mom died. The more I learned about you, the more I realized that I wanted to experience that life with you, for the rest of my days. I love you Richard Castle, and I always will."_

They held a small reception back at their loft, and Kate loved the simplicity of the day. Her first wedding had been interrupted, and had led to one of the most terrifying events of her life. Rick's disappearance and apparent death had made her think about all the time she had wasted, and how many regrets she had by not getting together with him earlier. Her dream had shown her the truth of the matter. No matter how hard their journey might have been, she wouldn't change it for anything. Her life wasn't perfect, their life wasn't perfect, but it was _theirs_, and it was for always. She'd make sure to never need another second chance.

xxxx

**a.n.2. I know, short, corny and rushed. I have a big author's note planned for the epilogue on what I've learned about story telling while writing this. One question I have that I'll ask now: If I were to write an alternate ending (where the second chance/alternate universe wasn't a dream), would that be something you'd be interested in? Leave me a review and let me know. I'm not guaranteeing it, but that could happen. As good an idea as I thought it was when I started this story, it didn't turn out all that well. **


	30. Chapter 30 Epilogue

**a.n. See below for my thoughts. This is the end of this story, so enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Castle.**

**xxxx**

_Forty-Two Years Later…_

Kate Beckett knelt down beside the grave of her recently departed husband, tears running down her cheeks. They'd had a beautiful life together, and she wouldn't have traded it for anything, but losing him still hurt more than she could ever imagine. Even the pain she thought she felt after their first attempt at marriage paled to this. She knew this time his death was real. There wouldn't be another second chance.

Richard Castle. Loving friend, father, husband. So read his headstone. He was her best friend. He was the father of her children. He was her husband. He was her everything. As she knelt down on the ground where he lay, she thought about their life together.

After marrying, she decided that she no longer wanted to work for the NYPD. He was more important to her than the job, so she had resigned. At that point she had no clue about what she wanted to do with the rest of her life except that whatever it was would include Richard Castle. What ended up happening still surprised her even now forty years later. She had written and published her first book before their first anniversary. Like her husband, she loved mysteries and crime novels, so she wrote what she knew. As it turned out, she was really good at it, and even gave the Richard Castle name a run for its money in terms of fame and fortune.

Not long after her first novel had been published, she had found out she was pregnant. To her horror (or so she later claimed), she found out that it was twins. Twin boys to be exact. When she gave birth, both boys looked like carbon copies of their father, and as proven later in life, had his penchant for mischief as well. They named the boys James and John, and they had loved and raised them together, just like Kate had always wanted.

She had given birth twice more, both times to girls (Mary and Sarah).

Overall it was a great life. They'd had their ups and downs, but nothing drastic. The hardest day was just a year before when they'd discovered that Rick had lung cancer, and that it was inoperable. They had held each other for days and cried at time lost. It wasn't until several days after the diagnosis that Alexis had come to them with her young son and told them that they were wasting time and that they should live and love for whatever time Rick had left.

They'd spent the final year of his life living life to the extreme in true Richard Castle style. They traveled, and experienced things that they had always put off in favor of other things. They had done that until he was too weak to continue on. It had broken her heart to see her strong, loving, amazing, _extraordinary_ husband brought down by a terrible disease.

When he had passed, she had only just managed to keep herself going. Only knowing that he would want her to continue on had kept her going. Their life had been great, and she wouldn't trade it for anything. She'd made the most of her second chance, and she was proud that she had done so well.

That didn't mean losing him wasn't the hardest thing ever. It hurt her in ways she had only felt once before in real life (and once in a dream). She missed him. She loved him so much. She vowed to join him soon. He had promised her always, and even if she had to storm the gates of Hell, she would make sure he kept that promise.

xxxx

**a.n.2.**

**Okay, that the end of this one. I planned on this being a dream from the beginning. Now that it's written out that way, I hate it. I despise everything past chapter twenty one. So I will be writing an alternate ending that picks up there and carries on. Not sure when I will do this, but probably towards the end of 2016. If you liked how this version ended, good for you, and you can ignore the alt-ending/sequel. If you didn't there's hope.**

**I learned many things writing this story. The first thing is that I really need to keep a track of my tenses. I started out in present tense and switched to past tense sometime around chapter five. I've never claimed to be a professional writer, so I guess it's okay, but it bothers me nonetheless. **

**Second, I learned that I need to do a better job of keeping track of what I've written when I do a huge story like this one. I do okay with stories that are around 10-15 chapters, but this one was bigger. It made it so I couldn't remember what the hell happened back in chapter 10, which made it much harder to write. **

**I also learned that it is extremely crucial for me as a writer to not get constrained by false promises. By that, I mean that I shouldn't make a promise of a scheduled update and then feel terrible that I couldn't keep it. Most of the time it doesn't matter, but this story ended up being really popular, and I felt beholden to give updates in a timely manner, when I shouldn't have. I don't get paid to do this, and I only write for my own pleasure. I had no real reason to feel pressured (I didn't even get pressured from reviewers, it was all put upon me by myself). That rush to get the next chapter out, caused me to burn out on this story and rush the ending. The fact that the second chance was a dream might not have been so terrible if the end of that dream hadn't been so sudden. But by the time I got to writing more of this story, I was just happy to end it, no matter how crappy it turned out. **

**Finally, I've learned that I can't write a case-fic to save my life. I'm just not good with coming up with unique details. I'm much better with relationships, romance, and (of course) angst. It's why I enjoyed Castle so much more when there was a good relationship component to each of the episodes (end of season 3 and all of season 4). I've never been in it for the cases. Without the romance between C&amp;B, **_**Castle**_** is just a mediocre crime procedural. The characters are what makes it great. **

**So what's next you might ask? I have another Castle story that is a quasi-rewrite of my old story **_**Someday**_** that will be started in the next couple days. I'm already several chapters into the rewrite. I also have a story called **_**Love Conquers All**_** that is in progress here on this site. Beyond that, my interest in Castle is minimal at the moment. **

**Thanks to everyone who has read this, left a review, favorited or followed it. This was by far the most popular story I've ever written. So thank you. I hope you're not as disappointed in it as I am, but even if you are, I hope that you at least got some enjoyment of it. Watch out for the alt-ending sometime later in 2016.**

**Until next time.**


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